schlumpy Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 I was at a jam last night and I stayed around to help store the equipment. Someone asked another group member about his new wife. The guy laughed and said he needed to get this one right as it was his third try. Two other people joined in and also joked about their failed marriages and said they were slow learners. I'm still in my first marriage so I didn't have much to contribute but I expected to hear some regret or talk about how things could have been. I didn't expect anyone to break down in tears but it just seemed so matter-of-fact that I'm not sure these guys learned anything. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 Two sides to every marriage , and two people that can sneak around having an affair or making many mistakes or mistreat, wonder if their ex's learnt anything ? Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 It was work schlumpy, that two admitted to being slow learners is as close to a heart to heart as you'll get. Your takeaway is keep this first marriage your only. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 If they're gigging musicians, I'm pretty sure they know exactly what went wrong since I've yet to meet a working musician who didn't cheat in some form or other on his woman. They know they did it to themselves. They're still gigging, so they figure they can get another. Please don't model after them! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Marriage to me isnt a joke ...nor is failure at anything...a joke.....and i hope schlumpy that you always find your first marriage to be true and long lasting..as it should be..dont follow in their footsteps of heartache and masking their true pain at failure with jokes.......best wishes....deb.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 I'd be more than happy to hit the brakes after the first one went down the drain. If that many have dissolved, absolutely no way. To each their own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 I'm pretty sure they know exactly what went wrong since I've yet to meet a working musician who didn't cheat in some form or other on his woman. Having spent most my career in the bar/nightclub industry, have to agree. The temptation is there, as is the seeming willingness to give in to it... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 Why would you expect to hear regret or how things could have been? It sounds like it was a light hearted moment - not a gin fuelled group grieving for the past. Most of us learn from the past. Doesn't mean we have to go lamenting the things that went wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author schlumpy Posted May 18, 2019 Author Share Posted May 18, 2019 Why would you expect to hear regret or how things could have been? It sounds like it was a light hearted moment Probably because I’m on the outside (first marriage) looking in (third marriage) and I can’t imagine letting my wife go without some regret coloring my response when asked about it. As you observed, it could be a light-hearted moment sprinkled with some male bonding. Many people deal with serious issues through humor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 I have a large group of musician friends, I fell in in love with a musician. Preraph is right. They have women throwing themselves at them on a regular basis, from my experience the majority don't let a wife or girlfriend stop them from partaking. The ample and frequent opportunity is hard even for the best intentioned. As the saying goes, most men are only as faithful as their options. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author schlumpy Posted May 19, 2019 Author Share Posted May 19, 2019 I have a large group of musician friends, I fell in in love with a musician. Preraph is right. They have women throwing themselves at them on a regular basis, from my experience the majority don't let a wife or girlfriend stop them from partaking. The ample and frequent opportunity is hard even for the best intentioned. As the saying goes, most men are only as faithful as their options. Let me set the stage here (pun intended.) We are not bad-boy musicians. We mainly play acoustical guitar and only a few of us are actually playing gigs. Some of the people are really good and others not so much. I do songs from Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, James Taylor, Tom Paxton, John Denver, Peter, Paul and Mary, etc. I have yet to witness a women swooning over my performance although I don't disagree that it happens. It's just not happening for us. Our main meeting place is a cafeteria of an assisted care facility and much our audience is using walkers or wheelchairs. It's still a lot of fun even without the swooning. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 I see nothing wrong with getting some nookie on the side 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 Let me set the stage here (pun intended.) Then I agree with the others who say they were just lighthearted comments. From what I've observed and been told by men, it's rare (or for some, unheard of) for any discussion of relationships to be more than surface treatment, especially in a group setting. We never know what lies behind someone's cool and calm surface. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 I have a large group of musician friends, I fell in in love with a musician. Preraph is right. They have women throwing themselves at them on a regular basis, from my experience the majority don't let a wife or girlfriend stop them from partaking. The ample and frequent opportunity is hard even for the best intentioned. As the saying goes, most men are only as faithful as their options. What cracks me up is musicians on the road who are married or otherwise have a serious woman at home. They have crazy road rules. If they're on the road, usually they have lots of women lined up throwing themselves at them, so it's just a matter of who they let near them. They have personal managers to watch out for any surprise visits from a wife or girlfriend and screening for the lookers. Then they have road rules, like no intercourse, just get a bj and it's not cheating. Sometimes they have strippers over and look in their mouths with flashlights before doing it. I've seen a couple who remained physically chaste, or at least seemed like it, but had big emotional relationships with another woman, and I knew one of those women and if the guy was chaste, I'm betting it's only because she didn't have intercourse outside a big relationship. So she may have been the only reason he didn't. If guys can, they will eventually, or they'll convince themselves bjs don't count. I'm sure their women would disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 Let me set the stage here (pun intended.) We are not bad-boy musicians. We mainly play acoustical guitar and only a few of us are actually playing gigs. Some of the people are really good and others not so much. I do songs from Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, James Taylor, Tom Paxton, John Denver, Peter, Paul and Mary, etc. I have yet to witness a women swooning over my performance although I don't disagree that it happens. It's just not happening for us. Our main meeting place is a cafeteria of an assisted care facility and much our audience is using walkers or wheelchairs. It's still a lot of fun even without the swooning. I knew a guy who was playing a small-time place singing folks songs with a woman partner, and he was always banging other women. Sounds like you may have mostly a geriatric crowd. Watch out for us Baby Boomers@!@ Link to post Share on other sites
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