Author abandoned2018 Posted August 18, 2019 Author Share Posted August 18, 2019 I’m an MOW who has an affair with a MM for 6.5 years. Initially I thought we’d both leave our spouses and ride off into the sunset together. Lol. Well, that never happened. He doesn’t even have kids. But he never plans on leaving his wife, and at least he was honest about this. I was ready to leave my husband but figured why upset every one in my life including my kids? He will not leave her. It is time to move on. Get on a dating site. Date some single people. What do you have to lose? He’s used you long enough. You deserve a life too. A life with your own kids. Do not disturb this family to meet your needs. I promise you your guy, a single guy is still out there. Good luck. yes.. i am trying to move on. thank you for telling me about your experience.. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Straight line. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author abandoned2018 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 just a quick post to say that i am doing okay.... but i still hurt everyday.. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 just a quick post to say that i am doing okay.... but i still hurt everyday.. I'm so sorry you are still hurting. You will get there. It just takes some time. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Sorry but I can't remember if you ended this affair or not. If you ended it then it's not surprising that you still hurt as it's still early in the recovery. Don't despair, it will slowly get better and the pain will fade. Rejoice in knowing that in the near future this will all be behind you and you will go on to find happiness and fulfillment without this cheating MM dragging you down and stealing the joy from your life. If you are still having the affair, well you are only prolonging your pain. It's not going to get better. The pain of ending sucks but it gets better. Kind of like keeping an abscessed tooth vs getting it removed. Getting a tooth extracted is no fun. It's scary, there are needles involved and it leaves your mouth sore and bruised, but once it's done the healing begins and in a little time there is total recovery. Keeping an abscessed tooth can seem less scary but it's just an ongoing source of pain and illness that will never get better, it only gets worse. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 You have been extraordinarily invested in this relationship for a very long time. It’s not unexpected that you will still be very sad. It will get better. What are you doing to pass the time and take care of yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 i am not thinking only about my own feelings.i know she won't be sad if he leaves. he told me this. and he gave me proof too. . Well if this is really the case then he loves her too much to go. Maybe that is the only reason he's having an affair with you is because he can't get the love he needs from the woman he wants. I remember when my brother was having affairs and when his wife finally divorced him he told me that all the things he did with OW he always wished it was with sister-in-law. Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I have not read your entire thread but enough to see the tons of people advising you that an MM saying he will not leave, bc of his children, is just another excuse. I won't argue either side of that. I will say that as BS, the victim of infidelity, I am often upbraided for saying that I am, in part, still with my WS bc of the children. I hate to think of my children being raised by whatever next partner my WS, with proven bad judgement, will choose. I also do not want to lose my children 50% of the time. I also know that, other than the bad judgment with respect to fidelity and the lack of care of our children's best interest that shows, in most other respects my WS is a good parent. I appreciate that my WS is committed to repairing the damage caused to our children by the affair and to continue to be my partner parent, 100% of the time. Rather than running off with the old AP or the next AP opportunity that comes along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 I have not read your entire thread but enough to see the tons of people advising you that an MM saying he will not leave, bc of his children, is just another excuse. I won't argue either side of that. I will say that as BS, the victim of infidelity, I am often upbraided for saying that I am, in part, still with my WS bc of the children. I hate to think of my children being raised by whatever next partner my WS, with proven bad judgement, will choose. I also do not want to lose my children 50% of the time. I also know that, other than the bad judgment with respect to fidelity and the lack of care of our children's best interest that shows, in most other respects my WS is a good parent. . The difference here is that you are trying to save your marriage and your WS is putting in the effort to save it. OP's MM is making an excuse as to why he will not leave. If it is because of the kids, he would stop doing what would get in the way of being with his children.. I understand what you are saying. I tried because of my kids. Ultimately, our marriage was not salvageable, but without my kids, I would not have even attempted to save it after such disrespect to me AND to our children. Those kids lives completely have been turned upside down. Link to post Share on other sites
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