To find out

[Spuffy]

Hey everyone.

 

So i'm in a weird spot in my life that i have never encountered before.

 

I've been with this woman for 7 months, i'm 25 years old, -she is 22.

 

Things were going great, great chemistry, almost everything in common. We clicked extremely well. Like it's so perfect to be true.

 

She is pansexual, extremely girly, is a submissive and into ddlg and other minor bdsm.

 

Anyways about a month ago we broke up or separated for like 2 weeks. The reason was something she came up with and she just wanted to be alone or whatever. We still talked and communicated this whole time though.

 

Anyways during our conversations you know we still talked about how we love each other and what not.

 

She asked me if i was bi, i'm like no. She's like oh ok.....

 

She then came to tell me something that she was getting emotional over trying to say. She confessed that she is more than pansexual and she is gender fluid to non binary or something like that. She confided that she has felt this way from a very young age and even confided in her best friend during middle school that she loved her, but her best friend denied her cause she is 100% straight, anyways she still loves her best friend and i always sensed this even before -she said she loved her.

 

Regardless i told her i still love her and i love her no matter what and she further broke down crying hysterically that she can never lose me because i'm so special and understanding seems non judgemental. Anyways we are back together and around me she acts super girly and whatever, but she still wants me to refer to herself as a "they" and not by her femininity.

 

That's why she broke up with me because she was fearful i wouldn't accept her or them for themself. But truth be told i really do love and care about this person unconditionally even though sometimes -she is in a male or masculine frame of mind.

 

So i'm really interested in everyone's thoughts on this. Like what does that make me if i consider myself 100% straight? How is it to about someone for something like this?

 

Is it something i should still pursue? She does not want a sex change fyi. She does sometimes go by a frequently masculine name which can also be a gender neutral to more male name. Like she prefers this male name. She has a boyish haircut, like not just short, but looks legit like a dudes haircut.

 

The thing is her voice is so feminine and girly and her curves are insane, like a amazing butt and huge boobs. Like nothing about this girl is masculine, besides her haircut, which even then is cute in her own little way. Like she is mad short too.

 

I guess i am confused by it all and where i stand with it.

 

I mean if we are still sexually compatible and she is still girly and likes everything we have always done, but just prefers a make name and doesn't like to be labeled as a girl, is this still cool for me.

[d0nnivain]

I'm very conservative. All of what she's describing makes zero sense to me. However, changing her is not an option. If you two are going to stay together you have to be 100% on board with her "they" business & all the rest of it. I couldn't do that, so I'd wish her well & walk. But what you can't do is say OK then complain about it later.

[FMW]

Only you can decide what is cool for you. Either you accept her as she is and go forward with her or decide it's all too much for you and end things. Nothing wrong with either decision.

 

Don't force yourself to try and accept something that doesn't sit well with you.

 

If you accept her as she is you'll also have to be ok with the fact that others won't always accept it and be able to deal with their disapproval. You'll have to be strong in your own position, you won't be able to fake your way through it.

[Spuffy]

Thanks for the 2 responses you guys. I thought I'd have more or the responses to be more severe.

 

I guess i'm just confused on how i should feel. Like i really am in love with this person and i love her personality and who she is, so if she has a gender identification alteration that shouldn't affect my love for her?

[Mr. Lucky]

She confessed that she is more than pansexual and she is gender fluid to non binary or something like that. She confided that she has felt this way from a very young age and even confided in her best friend during middle school that she loved her, but her best friend denied her cause she is 100% straight, anyways she still loves her best friend and i always sensed this even before -she said she loved her.

 

I'd be concerned that, regardless of the quality of your relationship, it's never going to be enough for her. Sexually, emotionally and romantically, she has needs and desires you can't fulfill.

 

It may take an open relationship for her to be happy. Are you willing to go down that road?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Guildford]

I would give this relationship more time before you come to a conclusion. You are both young and you have been in this relationship for seven months. You say you are both madly in love with each other. You just recently learned that she has sexual orientations that you do not fully understand. (I don't understand the difference be tween "pansexual" and "gender fluid" but that is not important here.) I would give this relationship more time to see how it works out. Generally I believe that any new relationship that has promise should be given a year to see what happens, and given what you have learned about your friend, it is really a new relationship. Give it another year and see how it is developing.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Hey everyone.

 

So i'm in a weird spot in my life that i have never encountered before.

 

I've been with this woman for 7 months, i'm 25 years old, -she is 22.

 

Things were going great, great chemistry, almost everything in common. We clicked extremely well. Like it's so perfect to be true.

 

She is pansexual, extremely girly, is a submissive and into ddlg and other minor bdsm.

 

Anyways about a month ago we broke up or separated for like 2 weeks. The reason was something she came up with and she just wanted to be alone or whatever. We still talked and communicated this whole time though.

 

Anyways during our conversations you know we still talked about how we love each other and what not.

 

She asked me if i was bi, i'm like no. She's like oh ok.....

 

She then came to tell me something that she was getting emotional over trying to say. She confessed that she is more than pansexual and she is gender fluid to non binary or something like that. She confided that she has felt this way from a very young age and even confided in her best friend during middle school that she loved her, but her best friend denied her cause she is 100% straight, anyways she still loves her best friend and i always sensed this even before -she said she loved her.

 

Regardless i told her i still love her and i love her no matter what and she further broke down crying hysterically that she can never lose me because i'm so special and understanding seems non judgemental. Anyways we are back together and around me she acts super girly and whatever, but she still wants me to refer to herself as a "they" and not by her femininity.

 

That's why she broke up with me because she was fearful i wouldn't accept her or them for themself. But truth be told i really do love and care about this person unconditionally even though sometimes -she is in a male or masculine frame of mind.

 

So i'm really interested in everyone's thoughts on this. Like what does that make me if i consider myself 100% straight? How is it to about someone for something like this?

 

Is it something i should still pursue? She does not want a sex change fyi. She does sometimes go by a frequently masculine name which can also be a gender neutral to more male name. Like she prefers this male name. She has a boyish haircut, like not just short, but looks legit like a dudes haircut.

 

The thing is her voice is so feminine and girly and her curves are insane, like a amazing butt and huge boobs. Like nothing about this girl is masculine, besides her haircut, which even then is cute in her own little way. Like she is mad short too.

 

I guess i am confused by it all and where i stand with it.

 

I mean if we are still sexually compatible and she is still girly and likes everything we have always done, but just prefers a make name and doesn't like to be labeled as a girl, is this still cool for me.

 

Is it worth it for you?

 

The rest is just noise. Don't make it an issue if it's not an issue.

[Spuffy]

Thanks everyone again for the replies.

 

I would give this relationship more time before you come to a conclusion. You are both young and you have been in this relationship for seven months. You say you are both madly in love with each other. You just recently learned that she has sexual orientations that you do not fully understand. (I don't understand the difference be tween "pansexual" and "gender fluid" but that is not important here.) I would give this relationship more time to see how it works out. Generally I believe that any new relationship that has promise should be given a year to see what happens, and given what you have learned about your friend, it is really a new relationship. Give it another year and see how it is developing.

 

Pansexual is that you can be attracted to anyone or anything, be it male/female/transgender/alien/monster/other. It's your orientation.

 

Gender Fluid is one moment you feel like a male, other times female. This is how you self identify.

[gaius]

I wouldn't commit myself to someone who was in love with someone else, whatever the reason. She can identify with a man at 4pm, a woman at 5 and a dining room table at 6 if she wants but none of that excuses the fact you're not #1 in her life. Which is what a partner should be.

 

Your heart is your heart though so do what you have to.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I wouldn't commit myself to someone who was in love with someone else, whatever the reason. She can identify with a man at 4pm, a woman at 5 and a dining room table at 6 if she wants but none of that excuses the fact you're not #1 in her life. Which is what a partner should be.

 

Your heart is your heart though so do what you have to.

 

This is wisdom.