Ex girlfriend had sex with another guy after less than a week

[Morello]

Maybe that's exactly why she left. You acted like she was the only person in the world and maybe gave her the impression that there was nothing else going on in your life except for her.

 

You're still very much in denial by thinking about if/when she gets back to you. She won't. If she does, it will only bring you more hurt.

[jospêh]

I actually had quite some other things going on in my life. I have my own hobby's and she had her own as well. I did things I liked, but when she needed me I was there for her.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think a year from now, you will wonder why you pined so much for this girl.

 

It's normal now, in the immediate aftermath of a break-up that was not mutual. But my guess is that as the next months roll out, and you grow more distant from the break-up itself, you will find yourself better-equipped to really let go.

 

It's very unlikely you two would have wound up together forever. You're both so young, and didn't have a great relationship. This was training wheels for more serious relationships to come, with other people - for both of you. She isn't the one you are going to settle down with, and she never really was.

[twatwa123]

I was in a relationship with a girl for a bit over 2 years. At the end we almost didn't have any sex with each other anymore. Now she broke up with me saying the relationship has burned out from her side.

 

I've found out that she already slept with someone else while we weren't even broken up for a week.

 

I'm shaking and don't know what to do. I still love her, but another part of me just wants to yell at her and call her a skank.

 

She does not know that I've found out...

 

 

It's awful, I know.

But she did the breaking up, and she was probably over you before she told you she was breaking up.

 

Your reactions are totally normal.

 

Time is a great healer.

 

 

Time to move on to someone better.

[preraph]

If she's any kind of decent person, she would have had guilt if she didn't repay you. Maybe she took your info off her phone on purpose, or maybe she was hoping you'd say, Don't bother repaying me. I would definitely let her repay me though.

[jospêh]

If she's any kind of decent person, she would have had guilt if she didn't repay you. Maybe she took your info off her phone on purpose, or maybe she was hoping you'd say, Don't bother repaying me. I would definitely let her repay me though.

 

Usually the info is saved in the banking app, at least in mine it was like that. I didn't really care if she payed me back yes or no because it was like 45 bucks, not any great amount of money.

 

She payed it back already with the descripten "There you go :)".

 

Haven't heard from her any more since.

 

The guy she slept with that I found out about is in a group chat where I am in as well since we play in the same soccer team, and one of our teammates asked to go to a bar later on today, and he answerd I'll be there with my girl.

 

There is ofcourse not a single guarantee it's her but I think it is. Guess she is completely on the rebound now, and for some reason I'm still struggeling to let go.

 

Letting time pass by right now made me see that I'm quite messed up in my head since after all this I still can't put an end to all my misery, whilst I know other people who would be able to move on the second they got to know any of the information I know.

 

I don't know how to fix this part of myself. I keep trying to improve some factors I found a bit irritatable in the past about myself, but don't really know where to go next. Maybe the problem is really in my head.

 

What I also hate is that before I met her I was a super happy guy and didn't need anyone (a partner) in my life and actually didn't want it either. I really would like to be in that mind set again, and sooner rather than later.

[Beachead]

@jospêh

 

The guy she slept with that I found out about is in a group chat where I am in as well since we play in the same soccer team, and one of our teammates asked to go to a bar later on today, and he answerd I'll be there with my girl.

 

Are you telling us she met this guy indirectly through you, via soccer?

 

You shouldn't be in that thread. This guy is associated with the situation which means everytime you see him, you'll be reminded of her. Do you think you can force yourself to forget when people who've hurt you are still in your face? If anything is going to slow your healing down, it'll be that.

 

Letting time pass by right now made me see that I'm quite messed up in my head since after all this I still can't put an end to all my misery, whilst I know other people who would be able to move on the second they got to know any of the information I know.

 

Who made you feel like you should be getting over a broken heart in a few weeks? Yes, some people can get over things quickly but for particular reasons. Either they didn't love the person or they were emotionally checking out by the time it came to an end. Try not to compare yourself to others and understand how unfair it is to yourself to think you'll get over this and be fine in a few weeks. Grief is a slow process and it depends on you and your situation. There isn't a timeline but it does take awhile..especially if you loved the person. Anyone who makes you feel like you can switch your feelings off and move on from a relationship of 2 years, is full of it. You don't see what these people go through behind closed doors, when no one is watching, when they go through their own breakups. Everyone has struggled and many are struggling just as you are right now as I type this post. Furthermore, most people bullsh*t. They show you ONLY what they want you to see and filter out their weaknesses. Most often than not, when they tell you things like this, they are projecting what they themselves want to do but fail at, onto you.

 

You're grieving just fine. You won't feel the progress for awhile but you will feel it. 1 year from now, you'll see improvement. Only thing you should do right now is find a new soccer team. It's crucial to your mental health and healing.

 

- Beach

Edited June 14, 2019 by Beachead

[TheFinalWord]

Since you ignored our advice and went to the event, smiled at her, said goodbye to her family, she now feels 100% guiltfree and believes you are over it as much as can be reasonabley expected. Now she feels free to go about her business and not worry about running into you.

 

 

 

Her message about the money means nothing about wanting to get back with you. She just feels like you are okay now and she doesn't have to feel guilty anymore.

 

 

She has a new BF now and you are ancient history. She doesn't feel anything and she isn't coming back. And dude, you guys tried 3 times can you blame her? You guys tried multiple times and it isn't working. She met a new guy, definitely while you were together, and in my opinion, she cheated while you were together. But that's neither here nor there at this point.

 

 

 

She isn't coming back and she feels you are okay with it too and you now need to stop wanting her back and move on with your life. Start trying to date again. You definitely need to get off any groups that let you stalk her life like these group chats or whatever.

[jospêh]

Yes she met him through me.

 

He is not directly in the same team but I will still run into him multiple times a week starting the end of kine. I lost all my respect for him.

 

He is just really a douche actually, I know that before this all happened he was contiously doing stuff with girls that are in a relationship and stuff.

 

He is the complete oposite of me and apparantly this is a clear sign of a rebound but yeah no one knows ofcourse.

 

She’ll eventually learn the hard way I guess.

I would just like to be in the place where she doesn’t get to me anymore because she is not even worrying about me.

[Beachead]

@jospêh

 

Yes she met him through me.

 

How you would ever trust her again, is beyond me. I doubt you ever will. Any guy she talks to will potentially exists as a threat in your mind...and now that problem along with the rest of her bullsh*t is HIS problem..only he doesn't know it yet.

 

So don't you worry. Mr. Douche will get his.

 

What you need to focus on is you right now. When is the soonest you can get out of that soccer thread and out of that soccer situation? That is something you have to do. It is crucial for your well-being and moving past this. Not negotiable. So long you are in that thread and constantly bumping into him, it'll be like ripping the stitches out of your wounds over and over again.

Edited June 14, 2019 by Beachead

[TheFinalWord]

Yes she met him through me.

 

He is not directly in the same team but I will still run into him multiple times a week starting the end of kine. I lost all my respect for him.

 

He is just really a douche actually, I know that before this all happened he was contiously doing stuff with girls that are in a relationship and stuff.

 

He is the complete oposite of me and apparantly this is a clear sign of a rebound but yeah no one knows ofcourse.

 

She’ll eventually learn the hard way I guess.

I would just like to be in the place where she doesn’t get to me anymore because she is not even worrying about me.

 

 

She is only worried about you to the point that her actions make her look bad to her social circle. Not how things impact you. When no one knows about it, she sleeps with other guys. She only cares how she is perceived by others like her family and your mutual friends/social circle.

 

She doesn't want to look like the bad guy to her friends and family. I don't think she does now because you two saw each other, were cordial, and she thinks you are doing just fine and now she doesn't have to worry about hiding things. It's out there now and you handled it well. The dance with her mom was also a farewell to her family. They will pick her side over you and you two aren't married. Blood is thicker than water. She'll probably go through 3 or 4 more guys before she gets married.

 

All your actions now make her feel great, guilt-free and she doesn't look like the bad guy now. Lessons she needs to learn, etc. You're approaching things logically. Women don't work that way. They get their validation from emotions and social cues. Not through logic. That's why monk mode doesn't apply to women.

 

When it comes to her actual happiness, she is never going to pick your happiness over her own.

 

I don't think it's a rebound. A rebound is if she is still in love with you to some extent and needs an emotional crutch to get through the heart break. I don't think she's in love with you and hasn't been for a while.

 

They met while you were together and they're in a relationship. She was already unhappy with you and having another guy made the break up easier, of course.

 

Yeah, he messes with other men's girls, but she picked him too. She's not an innocent victim. And it sounds like they're perfect for each other. Like I said she isn't GF material. You guys tried three times and it isn't working. That's more chances than most people get. You should feel good that you both tried really hard, but you aren't meant to be.

 

I personally think you need to stop analyzing her actions and do anything you can to stop thinking about her obsessively. She is not thinking about you in any romantic way, especially now that she has tied up the lose ends and she now knows you can see each other in public and everyone was cordial.

 

When you are trying to interpret her actions always tell yourself the following:

 

No decisions she is making is done with you in mind. Any appearance of such is you creating a fantasy in your mind. She isn't taking any action with the mindset of how it will impact you. Especially now she knows you know about her new guy, you have said farewell to her family (who will support her), and she paid you back whatever she owed.

 

No decisions she is making is done with you in mind. It's all about her own self interests. If she can look like a good person in the process, even though she broke up, all the better for her.

Edited June 14, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[jospêh]

I texted another team mate and apparantly the guy I was talking about is together with another girl and not my ex.

 

This makes me feel a bit better though.

[nolanola]

OP, seriously. You HAVE to get yourself out of situations where you can learn stuff about your ex (or potentially learn things), like this group chat. You want to know why you can't move on? Because of this!!! I know it's hard. You want to cling to anything that gives you a window into what they are doing or thinking - I totally get this. But the problem with this is that you wind up doing exactly what you're doing, which is obsessing over every little thing, wondering what it means. You have to stop and cut her (and those related to her, including the douche) out of your life for the time being. This is not impossible, you just have to want to do it - you have to want to get better.

 

You will never move on as long as you allow this woman to occupy such a prominent place in your life. You can still think about her and mourn the relationship while in NC, but the longer that you take to fully go NC (and you are not there yet), the longer this process takes. The fact that you are texting other people to try to find out whether she and this guy are together shows this. You are too involved with the life of someone that doesn't want to be with you. Think of it this way: she is moving on with her life, dating a bunch of dudes (And trust me when I say that her not going to the bar with the douche just means she is seeing someone else) and you have been reduced to spying on her. Is that who you want to be? Would you want her (or the next woman you date) to know this? I suspect not. So please stop it.

 

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, because I don't mean it to, but you are really stuck and need to push yourself out of this rut. So many of us have been there. I have done things in the aftermath of a breakup that I cringe about now - but I stopped. I was so ashamed of how ridiculous my behavior was that it forced me to stop.

 

If you want this woman to have any shred of respect for you, you need to leave her alone. Do whatever you have to do, whatever you have to tell yourself. Write on here 400 times a day. Take some control back in this situation.

[Blanco]

Yes, it's a slippery slope once you go searching for information and updates. In a weird way, it probably keeps you feeling connected to her, but know that it will only hurt your progress in the long run.

 

Something I've learned and am sometimes still need to be reminded of is that when someone dumps you and there's another person after, that new person is not what's keeping you two from being together. Meaning, even if things don't work out with that person, your ex is not necessarily coming back to you. There will be someone after that. And after that.

[Highndry]

Something I've learned and am sometimes still need to be reminded of is that when someone dumps you and there's another person after, that new person is not what's keeping you two from being together. Meaning, even if things don't work out with that person, your ex is not necessarily coming back to you. There will be someone after that. And after that.

 

 

Right. And even if she came crawling back, she'd leave him again once she found somebody she deemed better. The bottom line is she's not into him.

[preraph]

I agree with Blanco. I'm flinching every time you say he's rebounding. Honey, she's dating. She's not the dumpee. She has no reason to rebound. She wanted to leave and she has and now she's dating. She's taken care of unfinished business and paid you back and now she's gone. She will date this guy and then like Blanco said keep dating other guys. She's shown no signs of wanting to reunite or amid this intermittent contact would have been a plea to get back together from her.

[Beachead]

@jospêh

 

You need to stop inquiring about her and exit that soccer thread as soon as you can.

 

- Beach

[TheFinalWord]

Agree Beach.

 

OP you should feel proud. You guys tried three times!! THREE TIMES!

 

Most people would give their right arm for just one more chance with their ex.

 

You got three chances. If it was going to work, it would have by now. At some point, you have to realize you guys aren't compatible. You shouldn't feel down on yourself because she got with another guy. You got a lot of chances to work things out and you guys aren't working for whatever reason (I don't think shes LTR material, personally).

 

She's come to that realization and it's time for you to as well. Now take a page out of her book, get out there and date!!

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree with Blanco. I'm flinching every time you say he's rebounding. Honey, she's dating. She's not the dumpee. She has no reason to rebound. She wanted to leave and she has and now she's dating.

 

All of the above.

 

She isn't rebounding, OP. She's simply enjoying her single status and the chance to meet new guys. It isn't because she's sad and trying to fill a void.

[Hooked]

During our relationship we went through a lot together. I helped her with so much stuff and we had a ton of the same intrests. We did everything together.

 

It even came to a point where she wanted to cut herself and was not in the right headspace, and I helped here talk to her parents and go to a psycologist.

 

She cried when she was breaking up with me, so I'm even more confused why she would do this already that quick.

 

I'm really not proud of it but found out that she slept with someone else because I still have access to her messages and she was talking to someone about this. I'm not sure what to do

 

My ex told me, after one of several breakups, that she "just needed to sleep with someone else to break the attachment" to me. Maybe your ex was similarly misguided. I'd wager that she felt even worse afterwards.

[jospêh]

It’s stupid but I hope she feels really bad and just feels miserable even though that probably isn’t the case.

 

Even though there is almost no chance of her comming back to me I do hope in the future she will feel a lot of regret, even if it’s just for an ego boost for me.

 

I haven’t heard from her in week again and don’t plan on contacting her or actually don’t really want her contacting anymore for no particular reason, even though the stupid part in me still wants that future that once was planned in our heads.

[preraph]

She doesn't feel miserable. She's having fun with friends and dating. People often feel relief when they leave. Some feel bad for the person or sad the thing didn't work out because they had hopes too, but they wouldn't leave if they thought the relationship was right for them.

 

Again, if she had regret, she knows all she'd have to do is contact you and say, Let's get together and catch up" or "Let's get together and talk."

[TheFinalWord]

The best revenge is to live well.

 

What are your goals and dreams, OP?

 

Do those things! Once you get to that point, she won't be on your level and you won't want her back.

 

I think back to my first girlfriend that cheated on me. She's no where near me in life now. Funny enough, she contacted me about 5 years ago and said she would leave her husband for a chance with me again. I said "no" and it didn't bring me pleasure or pain because I moved way past her. She's still working the same crappy job, has gained a bunch of weight, and lost a lot of her looks (the wall is undefeated). If anything, her cheating on me was a blessing in disguise. She would have slowed me down. Your girl is young and cute now and it's her turn to have all the attention. But broI promise you, the roles reverse for men if you do the work to make the most out of your life. Build your mind, your finances, and your body.

Edited June 17, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[Beachead]

 

I haven’t heard from her in week again and don’t plan on contacting her or actually don’t really want her contacting anymore for no particular reason, even though the stupid part in me still wants that future that once was planned in our heads.

 

It'll take awhile to unlearn that. Just keep living your life and pushing forward.

 

But one thing I'll warn you in advance of is although you may feel okay not contacting her right now..that may change later on when 1 week of silence becomes 2 and 2 becomes a month, and then 2 months etc. It'll dawn you that not only can she get through her day not talking to you and be perfectly okay with it..but even worse..it's really over. Depending on how stubborn you are, you'll wrestle with that for some time until you accept it. It'll be the toughest part of your grief which is the and unfortunately that low can only arrive weeks or months later after the breakup because there's no way to really understand it's truly over until you don't hear from them for a months. It takes conditions that to embrace the idea that it's truly done.

 

The good news is you'll get passed it and it only gets better from there.

Edited June 18, 2019 by Beachead

[nolanola]

OP, I totally understand where you are coming from. I think almost everyone has felt that way after we've had our hearts broken. Our egos are bruised and we want that validation. I agree with @TheFinalWord, that the best revenge (if you want to call it that) is to live well. But don't do it for your ex, do it for your next girlfriend, who will appreciate those things about you. Or do it for yourself, so that you feel good about you.

 

Personally, I've had a lot of exes come back and some of them have been remorseful, but it's been YEARS after. And honesty, by that time, I could not have cared less. I mean, it was nice to see and it did validate me a little, but by then I had gotten my own closure and had moved on. Hold your head high, let her go do what she's going to do and focus on moving forward.

 

I also totally agree with @Beachead. The first few weeks you're often riding a high from the breakup. It's when that passes, the boredom sets in, and nothing new is happening that can be really dangerous and depressing. A lot of people break NC in this time because the absence of that person is so hard and we don't want to fully let go. Keep focused and keep NC. The last time I talked to my ex it was so horrible, I went into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and made a promise to myself to never do that again. I have kept that promise to myself. Promise yourself that you will only respond to communication that is worthy and that you won't reach out to someone that has demonstrated that she doesn't want to be with you.