Yet another success for the awkward chap

[Garcon1986]

I went to the pool today and noticed a lady was training with swimming paddles for resistance training. As I'm also interested in resistance training, I approached her and smiled and got a chance to share the paddles for a few minutes and was positively stunned by how much speed I could get. I was also floored that she didn't slap me or accuse me of harassment. We had a great 2 minute conversation about swimming and scuba.

 

 

Today I got a little less terrified of the #metoo movement.

 

 

Small wins are pretty nice sometimes. Single men out there - don't let your determination fail.

[JuneL]

Do you have romantic interest in her?

Edited May 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Garcon1986]

I initially did but saw her husband not too far off. I enjoyed the experience anyway without saying anything inappropriate.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Today I got a little less terrified of the #metoo movement.

 

Glad you had a good "success" but this makes me sad. Ugh. It's gone too far if men are literally afraid to just talk to women without fear of being accused of something nefarious.

[Garcon1986]

I've had one medical student literally walk the other way when seeing me and another accuse me of giving too many learning experiences to the guys and less to her. I haven't hit on a single medical student, just worked on my charm and excitement - and this is what I get in return, so I have no choice but to be careful.

[Gretchen12]

Yes it is a sad post when it says a guys calls talking to a woman for 2 minutes about swimming without being slapped, a "success". You'd think the female half of the human race are all monsters :-((

[guest569]

Yes it is a sad post when it says a guys calls talking to a woman for 2 minutes about swimming without being slapped, a "success". You'd think the female half of the human race are all monsters :-((

 

I know right. Women still get the blame for all the male monsters that led to the #metoo.

[Foxhall]

hmmn, women do hold the power nowadays it has to be said!!

 

I am all for small victories,

 

OP, you are not in any way short of confidence or anything though, judging from some of your posts,

 

 

 

yes single guys in general need to push themselves make these type of approaches and build their confidence,

 

"be not afraid"

[clia]

I was also floored that she didn't slap me or accuse me of harassment.

 

Is this happening to you on a regular basis?

[Garcon1986]

Is this happening to you on a regular basis?

 

I know right. Women still get the blame for all the male monsters that led to the #metoo.

 

Well when the #metoo movement started I said I'm nowhere near to those guys, so I should just keep on being a gentleman. I said I was determined to be charismatic, be proper, don't hit on girls if they aren't up for it, smile, talk about things other people like, and don't show off unless explicitly asked. Despite my diligence, I still have one woman think I'm creepy, and a second woman who accused me of withholding teaching opportunities (in the span of a year). This is all I have to show for my efforts so far.

 

It's just moderately depressing to have to defend myself despite my best intentions.

[clia]

Well when the #metoo movement started I said I'm nowhere near to those guys, so I should just keep on being a gentleman. I said I was determined to be charismatic, be proper, don't hit on girls if they aren't up for it, smile, talk about things other people like, and don't show off unless explicitly asked. Despite my diligence, I still have one woman think I'm creepy, and a second woman who accused me of withholding teaching opportunities (in the span of a year). This is all I have to show for my efforts so far.

 

I don't really see what either of these things have to do with the metoo movement. Are these two women accusing you of sexually harassing or assaulting them? Did one of them slap you?

[JuneL]

Garcon,

Judging from your posts on here (especially those on medical-related issues), I have no doubt you are a good guy. But you really have to work hard on reading cues from people and learning what behaviors are socially acceptable. Didn’t you say you got kicked out of a dance club for hitting on multiple women? Did that not happen before the metoo era?

[thefooloftheyear]

Should have asked her to show you her flotation devices...

 

TFY

[JuneL]

Garcon: How had you interacted with that medical student that led her to think you’re a creep?

[preraph]

Should have asked her to show you her flotation devices...

 

TFY

 

She would have hit him with the paddle.

[Garcon1986]

Garcon: How had you interacted with that medical student that led her to think you’re a creep?

 

I talked to her more than others during our Spanish club meeting

[Dandelioness]

I don't really see what either of these things have to do with the metoo movement. Are these two women accusing you of sexually harassing or assaulting them? Did one of them slap you?

 

Totally agree here.

[Dandelioness]

I talked to her more than others during our Spanish club meeting

 

"Talking" doesn't make someone creepy. It's the how. Were you invading in her personal space? Did you become a physical barrier between her and the rest of the group when talking with her? Were you eyeing her intensely while talking? Did you touch her or her things that made her uncomfortable? SOMETHING happened in order for her to feel you were creeping at her. It has nothing to do with the #Me movement.

[Garcon1986]

"Talking" doesn't make someone creepy. It's the how. Were you invading in her personal space? Did you become a physical barrier between her and the rest of the group when talking with her? Were you eyeing her intensely while talking? Did you touch her or her things that made her uncomfortable? SOMETHING happened in order for her to feel you were creeping at her. It has nothing to do with the #Me movement.

 

It's either eyeing her intensely or the fact that she saw my facebook with some of my Irish dancing colleagues and didn't like what she saw. I've since taken down those photos. No touching was involved and I never tried to ask her out because I could sense some discomfort.

[JuneL]

Was she friendly and engaging when you were chatting?

[Garcon1986]

The subject of our conversations was the Spanish language - and I liked her so I spent a longer time talking.

 

 

I could sense a tenseness in the voice like her guard was up; I did not get the sense that she was happy with the enthusiasm of my conversation.

[JuneL]

The subject of our conversations was the Spanish language - and I liked her so I spent a longer time talking.

 

 

I could sense a tenseness in the voice like her guard was up; I did not get the sense that she was happy with the enthusiasm of my conversation.

 

That was your cue to back down perhaps?

[The Outlaw]

Any woman could have had a few bad experiences with a few bad guys that could have given her that impression, and likely, it may not be anything you did. Just try to make conversation with her, smile, laugh, or make a joke (preferably clean), don't invade anyone's personal space and you should be fine. If she still gives you that vibe, move on.

[Garcon1986]

That was your cue to back down perhaps?

 

 

And so I did move far far away from her, it's just frustrating that I did everything a gentleman should but still got this "creep" reaction. Can't wait to leave the state.

[preraph]

Sometimes they just get a vibe that you are interested and are standoffish because they don't want to do anything to keep you going in that direction, so yeah, when that happens, just stop trying because they've already eliminated you. I wouldn't say that's a "me too" thing. I would say it's just a "not interested" thing and it may be amplified if it's in the workplace where women are often gossiped about if they even talk to a guy. Now, that's a "me too" thing in a way.