hotpotato Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Maybe some of us are better off single. I pretty much gave up on dating. I got something else in return. I spent two years post break up feeling bad about myself. Now I feel a little less so. Every part of dating is hard for me starting from the first date, through the relationship, then the rejection. I'm more creative now than I've been in years. Worrying about men was draining my energy. Btw, I did the Meyers Briggs test, and I tested as intj which is especially rare in women. That would explain a lot of the difficulty. Anyway, there is happiness and positivity without a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I don't think you should feel bad about yourself, or for being yourself. As to difficulty being an INTJ, I think it's cool you are. My wife is an INTJ and I (ENTJ) consider myself fortunate for knowing her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenlights0000 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Being single has its perks. Maybe I’ve gotten to the point where I’m happy and I can focus on me or personal goals. Not gonna lie, I would like to meet the right guy if he comes along, I’m still open to meeting new ppl and what not, but not obsessed over dating. Dating has caused me heartbreak, depression, pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I found the most important thing is to be joyful. Regardless of relationship status. Have a beautiful day my friend!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Definitely not worth it if it makes you feel worse.. For me I feel the same when going through the dating, rejections, break ups. I still put myself through it because I really want company. But I can understand there would be a point where its not worth the pain and negativity. INTJ is a beautiful personality 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 (edited) the meyers briggs test; I enjoy all that type of thing, must have a look at that!! "no man is an island- John Donne- 1624" Edited May 20, 2019 by Foxhall Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 When there's less drama, being single is always a plus. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted May 23, 2019 Author Share Posted May 23, 2019 While I'm sure personality tests have their limitations, I'm glad I took it. I found a tribe of intj females who have similar experiences. I don't relate to most women. Also, I don't think women can be friends simply for sharing a biological sex. Some intj ladies are 0/x and get dumped every time during relationships. Shame as I get more attention now from men than ever before. This is what I needed 10,15 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 No offense but it's beyond me why anyone needs some personality test , don't you just know the type of person you get along with best and what you need. l've always known can pick her a mile off. But funny you say more attention than ever l found the same after my marriage yet l'm 50s, can't work it out. Anyway , the fact that you've had enough but yet you get plenty of attention is great . So now you can just enjoy life forget all the dating bs and wait for the right one, how bout that for a plan. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 Singleness is usually by circumstances. I am single because I have not met and gelled with the right woman so far. That's the only reason. There is no choice to it. I don't mind it, but on some level, it feels like it won't change. in my head about my singleness. Its like this for me. Let's say from age 48 to 97 is going to be my lifespan. Every 2-3 yrs. I will have a chance to stabilize a love relationship with a woman. if I don't have it together/her to me as well. Then its another 3 yrs of nothing special. There is no FWB or One night stand for me in the meantime. So using Movie/Tv Stars. It's like this. 2019 meet Jennifer Anniston. We click and are a couple. If we can't make it last. If we break up. The next woman is Glen Close. In between Jennifer and Glen Close. There will be nothing. There is no carry on relationship from Jennifer to Glen. Thats the way my life dynamic works. On the other hand with friendships. I still seem to be able to make friends. It's like in my city. The friendships feel more in abundance and the love matches are scarce. So on our friendship board. I don't really have major problems with friends for the most part. I just can't believe that really the reason a lot of us are on here is that we are basically unmatchable. In a nutshell. I am single/childless. I have a cat. Live in my own Condo. Black male that is 48. I keep getting looking 33. I had two lifeguards try to guess my age and they put me at 27/28. I am a Buddhist Chanter. I love my Rock and Roll/Soul/Funk/Jazz music and go to music venues on a weekly basis. I am 5'9 200lbs. I am doing intermittent fasting and work out. I am soft spoken and introspective. I have great relationships with my Brother/Parents and Friends. A little turbulence at work, but thats all my co-workers with each other. It should not be this hard for all of us to couple up. It can't be that we are not out there all the time. I interact with people for the most part. If did not. I would not have friends. I also don't think my looks are off as well. Or my perception of women to date is off in the sense that they are personality wise to me not compatible. The only thing I have noticed with myself is that when I like a woman. She is usually attached. That's with me finding out about her. If a woman likes me. She seems to be able to get me as I am single and don't have any major attachments to my ex's. At this stage of life. I might as well let a woman do the leg work towards me. As my legwork towards a woman in a romantic context does not work out as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 I never heard of the MB tests before stumbling on this site...I can only say this...Why would you plant a bug of negativity in your head based on some test, that to be honest, most people never heard of and have had "normal" relationships/lives, etc.?? All kinds of "outliers" find what they need in this world...So should you too TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 I never heard of the MB tests before stumbling on this site... I had to take the Myers Briggs test for a job I was working at. (it was for a promotion) I think it was in the late '80's or early 90's. I just answered the questions the way I thought I should to get the promotion. I think I tried to "balance" my answers to be "in the middle of the road" Not too far either way. I forget the results, but I did get the promotion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 I've had three serious relationships in my adult life, but have spent the majority of it single. I have to be honest: I like it most of the time. It's not been all good times. I've spent a good deal of those single years healing from the end of those relationships. But for the most part, I haven't terribly missed being in a relationship in general. Part of it is that I like my alone time and can usually find things to do with down time. I like the idea of having a romantic partner to share some of these things with; to build something with; to share new experiences with. But I guess I look around me and I see so few genuinely fulfilling relationships. I know the good ones exist, but I know that the mediocre or bad ones far outweigh the good ones. And for me, I'm too content with my life to be one half of those of those relationships just so I can have someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 wtf is intj? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 wtf is intj? It is one of the results of the Myers-Briggs test. I – Introversion preferred to extraversion: INTJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extroverts gain energy). N – Intuition preferred to sensing: INTJs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities. T – Thinking preferred to feeling: INTJs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference or sentiment. When making decisions they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations. J – Judgment is auxiliary function (J or P illustrates auxiliary to introverts): INTJs tend to have a structured and systematic theory of the world, and they might approach life in a structured way too, rather than keeping options open and flexibly changing without accommodating to their structured world with discretion. Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INTJ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted May 26, 2019 Author Share Posted May 26, 2019 I never heard of the MB tests before stumbling on this site...I can only say this...Why would you plant a bug of negativity in your head based on some test, that to be honest, most people never heard of and have had "normal" relationships/lives, etc.?? All kinds of "outliers" find what they need in this world...So should you too TFY If there's negativity in my head, it's not because of a test. Many people with that personality type also struggle with relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 If there's negativity in my head, it's not because of a test. Many people with that personality type also struggle with relationships. Have you ever heard of a self fulfilled prophecy?? TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 Many people with that personality type also struggle with relationships. Yet there are others who don't struggle. My wife is an INTJ and I find she is a splendid sexual partner. Plus through 23 years of happily being together, I don't think she's struggling with our relationship at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted May 26, 2019 Author Share Posted May 26, 2019 Yet there are others who don't struggle. My wife is an INTJ and I find she is a splendid sexual partner. Plus through 23 years of happily being together, I don't think she's struggling with our relationship at all. Lucky her. I don't know any other group of women who can go 0/4 in relationships. That's a statistical anomaly for a woman. Of course, we are sti individuals at the end of the day, but it's nice to find people I can relate to Have you ever heard of a self fulfilled prophecy?? TFY Yes, but being optimistic has never helped me with dating. Even when I was young and optimistic, I still got dumped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted May 26, 2019 Author Share Posted May 26, 2019 wtf is intj? Here's some info. I tested as Architect subtype. intj-A Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 thanks hotpotato Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted May 26, 2019 Author Share Posted May 26, 2019 No offense but it's beyond me why anyone needs some personality test , don't you just know the type of person you get along with best and what you need. l've always known can pick her a mile off. But funny you say more attention than ever l found the same after my marriage yet l'm 50s, can't work it out. Anyway , the fact that you've had enough but yet you get plenty of attention is great . So now you can just enjoy life forget all the dating bs and wait for the right one, how bout that for a plan. It's not for romance per se although some use it that way. The attention is nice, but it's 15 years late. Too bad it wasn't like this when I wanted to date the most. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 IIRC, aren't you a workout/gym person? MB aside, one of the best areas of compatibility is people who share the same values regarding fitness/nutrition etc...Not to try to use the gym as a meat market(I hate people that do that-I go to train), but perhaps finding someone with the same mentality is the best place to start.. Sorry if I am stating the obvious and you already pursued that avenue... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted May 27, 2019 Author Share Posted May 27, 2019 IIRC, aren't you a workout/gym person? MB aside, one of the best areas of compatibility is people who share the same values regarding fitness/nutrition etc...Not to try to use the gym as a meat market(I hate people that do that-I go to train), but perhaps finding someone with the same mentality is the best place to start.. Sorry if I am stating the obvious and you already pursued that avenue... TFY Hi. I've tried dating guys who were into fitness as well as ones who weren't. Things definitely worked better with the former. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 l really think like so many here , you need to be a lot more choosy about who you even bother with, wait for that someone very special . Link to post Share on other sites
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