Veronica73 Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 She said - “That’s a wired haircut? Did you ask for that?”” Is that really thoughtless and hurtful? Or, just a very stupid thing to ask? I’d say it is thoughtless and stupid, depending on their relationship. In certain kinds of relationships I’d be fine with it and would just laugh or ask them what was weird about it. In others, it would come across as an insult. Not to say I would be hurt, but that I would suspect they were trying to cut me down and I wouldn’t appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I would have told the girl with the weave about my 80's perm and to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I can see both of your sides. First, I do agree her remark was insensitive and, more likely, tactless. But she also tried to make up by giving you lots of compliments, after realizing how her remark had offended you. Personally I would just let it go. From what you described, it’s extremely unlikely she intentionally wanted to hurt your feelings. It’s really quite petty for a guy to hold a grudge like that. When I was a little girl, I had a crush on a TV-character with sexy long hair. For me, his long hair was his signature, and I would be totally caught off guard if he suddenly cut his hair 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I remember liking long hair in may teenage years...when I said yes to a date the guy would show up with his hair all cut off...the attraction was killed. Looking back I understood they were "cleaning themselves up" to look presentable, especially when meeting my parents lol. oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I agree these little slights are often just the "testers" to see how much crap someone will take. When it's a man doing it to a woman, it is easier for people to imagine that it is nearly always going to escalate. It's bad to ignore early slight red flags because they are testers. A friend of mine and I and her boyfriend went to gas up and my friend put the gas in the car, and her boyfriend made a nasty comment about how she's doing it wrong right in front of me. I mean, the gas was going in the car. How could she be doing it wrong? Plus he's sitting on his lazy butt while she does it. She said it's too small a thing to argue about, but it's not. It's disrespectful and a sign of things to come. Sure enough, he did go too far for her finally and she broke it off. People who know how to love someone don't try to humiliate their love interests. People who want to take out their resentment and rage and sadistic tendencies do. Her apologizing really doesn't hold much weight. Because of course if she's not done with him, she knows how to flutter her lashes and probably gets out of a lot of petty crap that way. It's called manipulation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I remember liking long hair in may teenage years...when I said yes to a date the guy would show up with his hair all cut off...the attraction was killed. Looking back I understood they were "cleaning themselves up" to look presentable, especially when meeting my parents lol. oh well. I'm definitely this way too. Still. I mean, I would tell them I liked it long, but I think they already knew that. It was a terrible tragedy when my glam crowd decided to chop it off and do punk. Punk is fun, but it's not good looking. I really just think a man has to have some hair over his forehead at least. A buzzcut is really never attractive, but yet it was the fashion for more than one decade. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 man alphamale had some good comments in this thread. She knows she pissed you off just tell her about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fishlips Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 I agree it was rude and I wouldn't date people who made "jokes" at other people's expense. I wouldn't break up with her over it, but watch your back. It's clear that she knows she was in the wrong, but she couldn't apologize? If she turns out to be the type who can't admit that she is wrong or can't apologize then you may want to think twice about dating her. This time, I would tell her that she hurt your feelings, and if she has any decency, she will apologize. If she gets defensive, then you might want to tread carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 HumanMachine Are you OK? You haven't said much since you started this thread. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted May 22, 2019 Author Share Posted May 22, 2019 Thanks for all your comments. To conclude, I have told her that I'm not interested in dating any more. Some may think this is petty, but I'm looking at the bigger picture here. I simply don't like people with this mentality, I prefer thoughtful and considerate people. I've been through the extremely toxic/manipulative relationship so any hint of negativity is a turn off for me. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Thanks for all your comments. To conclude, I have told her that I'm not interested in dating any more. Some may think this is petty, but I'm looking at the bigger picture here. I simply don't like people with this mentality, I prefer thoughtful and considerate people. I've been through the extremely toxic/manipulative relationship so any hint of negativity is a turn off for me. I say this is a positive step...but don't completely let it rule your opinion on things. You can also learn to have a thick skin. I've been through abusive relationships and situations. I have learned to let things go. I know no one is perfect, not even myself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted May 22, 2019 Author Share Posted May 22, 2019 I say this is a positive step...but don't completely let it rule your opinion on things. You can also learn to have a thick skin. I've been through abusive relationships and situations. I have learned to let things go. I know no one is perfect, not even myself. Thanks Smackie. Maybe the wounds from my last relationship aren't as healed as I previously thought. Either way I'm happy without a female in my life, it'd take somebody special to change that - this woman just wasn't the one. Life goes on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Human Machine I'm glad you told her how you feel. I hope your healing can now begin. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Hey if it didn't feel right, then it wasn't. I agree, you are still in the healing stage. Maybe this incident has given you a little more insight to what is going on with you. I always believe things happen for a reason. Best of luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Well, she obviously wasn’t the one for you if you were ready to walk so easily... but that’s fine. I would agree with the comment that you can also work on developing a thicker skin. And, better communication skills so that next time, you are able to share your feelings and resolve the conflict with your partner instead of just shutting down and walking away. People only have the power to hurt you that you give them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Just curious, OP: Did you think her insensitive remark was intentional (to hurt your feelings)? Or did you think she has the tendency to say insensitive things without thinking?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 I'm thick skinned, but who wants to be around a sharp-tongued person with no tact for long? Abrasive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 I do wonder how the comments here would read if the genders were reversed, and the man said it to his gf in front of his friends after she got her haircut. It's a very hurtful thing to say to somebody, especially in front of others. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 ^ Right. And that's how I had to test it. No one likes it when men criticize women's bodies, so... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 I do wonder how the comments here would read if the genders were reversed, and the man said it to his gf in front of his friends after she got her haircut. It's a very hurtful thing to say to somebody, especially in front of others. That is true, as society places more weight on a woman’s looks. I think saying someone “useless” or “stupid” is more hurtful to a man than a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 I don’t think this has anything to do with whether you’ve healed from your previous relationship or not. This has to do with her lack of respect and sensitivity. You shouldn’t tolerate that whether you have healed or not. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
emeraldgreen Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 your gf burst your bubble, by injecting some honesty into the equation. Tact is not her strong point, I get that, but do you want people to tell you the truth or do you want to surround yourself with sycophants? I missed the part about the girlfriend's opinion being truth just because she said it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 man, I think this is way over reacting. I am sure she didn't mean to hurt you as she complimented you after. Sometime people just speak a bit too fast. I am not sure why a weird hairdo is hurtful. If your cloth is ugly, do you expect your gf to say ugly or say it's pretty?Maybe it's just honesty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 It might seem small but if the genders were reversed it wouldn't be a question of whether or not she should dump him. At the end of the day you have to draw those lines. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 (edited) Doesn't sound like ego or thin shinned as much as just not wanting to be around someone without manners. I'll say this. Someone who can make a decision versus those that tend to wallow is a good thing. I've cut people out who were crass or just had zero manners before. Didn't miss a thing. It's your life so you live it like you please. Edited May 23, 2019 by Marc878 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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