My Six Year Anniversary On L/S, Where I Am Now And Thoughts On Infidelity

[aliveagain]

As I responded to a newly betrayed husband on the Infidelity Forum I realized it was my anniversary on LoveShack. My first post on LoveShack was May, 2013. I have never posted my story but the Readers Digest version is I found out through a third party that my now ex was in a two year affair and that my only son who I raised for the first year of his life might not be mine. She never confessed but ran away after a DNA test proved that my son who I named after my deceased father wasn't mine. She has spent years trying to find me through contact with mutual friends and my family. WE are done including legally, she is out of my life and I have gotten over the aftermath which included having to tell my two daughters from a previous marriage that he is not a sibling, my mother before she passed that he wasn't my son as well as my departed fathers siblings in Italy who were all in their 90's.

 

I hope the Infidelity Forum is still the best place to post my update as this is the first forum I posted in. The one thing I have learned about myself after all these years is that infidelity is an absolute deal breaker for myself. I try not to let that interfere with my posts to others and I do my best to not post on Other Man/Other Woman because I have such a hard time understanding how someone can remain in love with their spouse while exchanging bodily fluids with others, fu*k y*u, sorry but it just doesn't equate.

 

I am still single by choice but do date. I do not lead women on and am very honest as to where my head space is at. What is really Twilight Zone about my life is that I am everything my ex was looking for but too unwilling to wait for. What I mean by that is I have created a global medical business that protects people from HIV, Hepatitis A, B and other really bad sh*t that can end your life in very short order. I am a couple of months away from FDA and CE approvals and the wealth that goes with that. I have a very good lifestyle now but nothing like what I will have. My only wish is that I had met someone before my success.

 

My words of wisdom to all, don't compromise the boundaries that took you a lifetime to create, respect yourself and value yourself so you never compromise what you believe for someone else. Believe your worth it because you are. Lastly, consult with a lawyer and listen to them. You will get through this, it is only a mater of how much pain you want to put yourself through to get to the other side that distinguishes us one from another.

[alphamale]

happy 6th anniversary aa!!

[aliveagain]

happy 6th anniversary aa!!

 

Thank you alphamale, glad to see your still holding strong. At another time, another place I will have to tell you my Hotel California experience.

[JuneL]

Happy anniversary from me as well!

 

If I recall, you chose not to continue your relationship with the baby that was not yours then. Did you have to go through a long legal process for that? I assume you’re paying alimony to your ex-wife, despite her terrible betrayal? Did she knowingly lie about the baby to you?

[aliveagain]

Happy anniversary from me as well!

 

If I recall, you chose not to continue your relationship with the baby that was not yours then. Did you have to go through a long legal process for that? I assume you’re paying alimony to your ex-wife, despite her terrible betrayal? Did she knowingly lie about the baby to you?

 

Yes she lied about the baby's paternity, claimed it was mine, she lied about having an affair and never confessed yet couldn't explain why the DNA results came back 99.999999999999% that I was not the father. I had really good lawyers and we were never married but in a full time 5 year live together relationship. What did her in was the fact she owned several other properties, one she kept as her mailing address which wasn't the same as the address we lived in which is one of the properties I owned. I have been unlisted since this all started, I will never meet, talk, see her again.

[mark clemson]

Congrats on the recovery and restructuring your life; as well as the career success.

[emotionallybroken9]

Thank you. It’s so sad. Your line about not wasting what took years to build really got me. It’s such, SUCH a waste. Your past is worst than my present, so I hope I can turn out like you. <3

[somanymistakes]

At least the child was hopefully too young to remember.

[aliveagain]

somanymistakes, yes, he was just over one year old and as much as I loved him I didn't want his mother or the other man, the biological father, in my life. I was the one that was with him most of his first year. She had already started hanging out with the girls that facilitated her affair. There were many nights that I had baby with me in our bed waiting for her to get home 2-3 in the morning. That is now part of my past.

[Ocdude]

Did the karma train ever catch up to her?

[LivingWaterPlease]

Happy Anniversary and Congratulations on your business success, AA! You joined LS a month before I did!

 

You say you wish you'd met someone before your business success. Couldn't you live way below your means so that no one you'd date would know of your financial standing?

[understand50]

aliveagain,

 

Yes, it has been a long time. I have read your posts, and over time they have gone further from outrage to acceptance of what happened, and a feeling that you will not let this get you down.

 

Many here, I think, took the same path. I am not a active here as I once was, and as you know, many who were posting have gone silent. I think what Loveshack gives is a "safe" place to speak and get it out of our systems.

 

I wish you all the luck you need......

[Marc878]

You are the master of NC

[aliveagain]

Did the karma train ever catch up to her?

 

Ocdude, I can't really answer your question because she and all of her circle of friends are out of my life, permanently. The only other thing I can say is that I am out of her life including everything I brought to the table. I do know she had to take the O/M to court for child support. He never wanted her full time and ended up dumping her, she never wanted to leave me, she thought she was too smart to get caught. She is a very brilliant woman but no one I want in my life.

 

The other man owned a stucco business as well as a bar. I think she met him through the bar where she and her girlfriends went to drink, it was trendy.

[aliveagain]

Happy Anniversary and Congratulations on your business success, AA! You joined LS a month before I did!

 

You say you wish you'd met someone before your business success. Couldn't you live way below your means so that no one you'd date would know of your financial standing?

 

LWP, I think I do live below my means, lol, just my opinion but most people might not think the same way I do. My problem is I am an audiophile, need room for my sound. I am an artist, need room for my supplies and walls to hang my work, my works are hanging on walls as far south as Panama. I am a perfumer and need an area for creating my fragrances. I am big on the arts and my friends are a real eclectic bunch, artists, musicians and business types. A real blast when you get them all together. I keep myself busy.

[aliveagain]

You are the master of NC

 

You are right my friend but it took me going through several betrayals to reach the conclusion that infidelity is a deal breaker for me. I tried reconciliation, made it as far as three years with a former fiance who cheated with one of her married business associates. That experience taught me several things, if they cheat on you before you marry them and there are no children involved, run, don't look back because there is no reason they give you that will help you forget what they did. I went to counselling and what I learned from counselling is with enough counselling you learn to live with what happened but it doesn't take the memory away. There will always be some taint under all the fancy cloths.

 

So if someone in a relationship with me doesn't believe me and is stupid enough to test my boundary, well, what can I say, they deserve each other. My only regret in that situation was not telling the other betrayed spouse, bothers me to this day.

[vla1120]

Did the karma train ever catch up to her?

 

I'd say karma was her missing out on a pretty awesome guy, based on what he has posted about his interests and work. Her loss, most definitely!

[DKT3]

There will always be some taint under all the fancy cloths.

 

I agree 100%. Like you I divorced, but with kids involved I could cut her out of my life. Over time I saw her change and eventually took her back. our relationship overall is far better then its was before. BUT there are still times when I see her texting or talking on the phone as I enter the room and think, just for a split second "is she doing it again "

 

It's less then it was but more then I would like.

[aliveagain]

I agree 100%. Like you I divorced, but with kids involved I could cut her out of my life. Over time I saw her change and eventually took her back. our relationship overall is far better then its was before. BUT there are still times when I see her texting or talking on the phone as I enter the room and think, just for a split second "is she doing it again "

 

It's less then it was but more then I would like.

 

DKT3, the key to me is the fact you divorced, she worked oh herself and because of the changes she made you both decided to try again but in a new relationship. You both know who each other is, she knows you will drop her in a micro second if she goes down the same slippery slope. You know what she is capable of and now know what behaviors to watch out for. You know each others boundaries and what the consequence is for breaking them. You are in a much better position then someone trying to save a marriage almost at any cost because they end up compromising their own boundaries to stay with a cheater. They will never be compensated for the injustice they are enduring to stay. The taste of the sh*t sandwich they had to eat will always be there somewhere, at least that was my personal experience.

 

DKT3 if ever I was again in a situation of infidelity, your path would be the only way I would even consider reconciliation. The marriage would have to be ended, wedding ring hammered flat and a new marriage. You did it the right way in my opinion.