Unemployed husband

[giotto]

I moved to my future wife's country and English wasn't my first language. I didn't wait around and, despite my degree in something completely different, I took a job in a shop to support myself whilst searching for my "ideal" job. My language skills got better, I did my bit to support the family and I managed to build my business up, albeit slowly. It's not easy, but sitting around doing nothing until your dream job appears from nowhere is silly...

[Sunlight72]

Firstly - good job Rosebleu on landing and keeping such a lucrative job, and on staying committed to your family & marriage. I hope you and your husband start finding real ways to improve things emotionally, even if it's a small step each week.

 

I agree with the posts above that recommend finding an internship, seminars or further education in your husband's field. In the US, it can be super helpful to make acquaintances in preparation to get a future job.

 

I know it's more work and care for you to get this started, and that isn't fair. But - you're the only one we can talk to, so we can only make suggestions to you.

 

Besides finding a couple ways for him to meet people in the general nuclear engineering field, I think it would be really helpful for him to get out of the house and meet almost any other adults. Has he made any acquaintances since arriving in the US? Engineers are not famous for their people skills, and on top of not having work he may feel 'weird' to be in a country where he has no friends (and no relatives, and no work), which is compounding the situation that is enabling his inaction.

 

I hesitate to make too many suggestions, as you yourself are so taxed already.

 

I don't personally encourage the idea of an uber driver. They really have poor earning potential and it doesn't offer the chance to make a personal connection with anyone. Would he be interested to teach continuing education part-time? A foreign language? Or something to do with math, or engineering? I also like the idea of searching to become a consultant in his field - this would likely involve travel, but would help with money, meeting people, feeling useful...

 

I hope you have time to breathe and make some acquaintances or friends yourself as well. It's a very tall order with a 2 year old and everything else.

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

[BrennaR]

Hello everyone,

Im writing because I need advice.

My husband and I have relocated to my hometown with our 2 year old child. Prior to this we lived in Europe (closer to his country but not in his country) in a very expensive city. Though we were happy, he had a stable engineering job and I had a management job there, it was just too expensive of a city, we discovered our son has hemophilia (I discovered Im a carrier) and my husband had gambled away 30,000€. (My in laws helped us repay the debt). We resolved the issues I took care of finances from there on and monitored his spending (not because I wanted to) and he stopped gambling.

 

Due to this excruciatingly difficult time and in an effort to start a fresh life- A year later to the dismay of his parents who love their grandchild, we decided to move cross atlantic to my hometown. I was offered a job double the salary and my parents had an apartment they were renting that they offered for us to stay in (paying rent but at a lower rate).

 

All has been fine but my husband has not found a job. Engineers here need to have experience with a certain form of reactor (nuclear) and though he had been an engineer for ten years his experience is not necessarily being recognized.

He has had only one interview since moving here (he came in november)

He spends days and nights on the computer reading about tony robbins or how people went from nothing to being rich. It takes him days to update or change his resume and I am a really fast working, impatient person so I cannot watch this. He is very detail oriented so I understand why he takes such a long time to do things but I dont think anything will happen for him at this pace.

He doesnt seem to be "fighting" for work and seems to be easy going about it because Im working, rent is cheap so according to him we are "not desperate".

But I am. Im exhausted at work and stressed knowing im the only bread winner here.

I wake up every day, get myself and my son ready and lately my son has been having tantrums when he and I are alone so sometimes I feel like Im about to have a breakdown.

 

I have money put away for retirement so ive offered to use that money towards an MBA for him. A few years ago he wanted to get one and he is extremely bright so i think its a good idea as it will expand his career horizons and give him an opportunity to do something else. He refuses. Yelling at me that i want a quick fix and everyone is so young in MBA courses (hes 35).

 

There is a town 2 hrs by car from where we live that is lookig for nuclear engineers so last night he was very down about everything and so i told him to go to get his foot in the door but he said leave me alone give him time to decide what to do..

Yet he complains that he isnt doing anything!

 

I dont know what to do. His father called him yesterday saying how disappointed he is that he hasnt found a job and i want to tell my in laws why but they are essentially furious w me and blame me that he has moved away. His brothers are also older than him and successful so i feel like calling them so maybe theyd get through to him but idk about involving others. Let me just note I do NOT nag him about finding a job at all. In the beginning like december I made comments like why is it taking you 5 days to rewrite a resume. And he got so mad at me. I could tell.maybe he needed a break from working, so I laid off.

I just see him on the computer day and night. His.morning routine lasts like 1.5 hours from barely being able to.wake up to his lemon drink..the bathroom.. breakfast.. like to me this is not efficiency.

 

I have even told him.id happily go back to europe if he wants and he gets mad at me for that too!

Please let me note also he has been at the same job from graduation until last year so he has never really searched for jobs before.

 

Im at a loss of what to do.

Im thinking of getting him a career coach but for obvious reasons (money) i am refraining.

 

I am not in any way a gold digger but I do appreciate a traditional man who would do anything to provide for his family. Also we wanted another child and at this rate it seems unlikely itll happen!

 

Sigh..please help give me advice.

Thanks in advance.

 

Obviously he should be the one driving his career, and not you. Honestly the guys sounds depressed and like he has lost direction. America is not for everyone. I would ask him questions about that and how he feels about life and future here, insead of signing him up for things he didn't himself sign up for.

[darkmoon]

he yells at you? please, don't pay for his MBA, don't pay for anything in fact, take a weight off