Asking for space and Ex starts dating

[sprice2001]

I was with Gf for 5 years, but unfortunately near the end of our relationship I got made redundant from a really good job. It took me about 3 months before getting another job in which I got Shafted yet again! promised me a contract during my probation period and within the last week they never kept me on. My Gf got kicked out of her parents house and had to go live with her grand parents, at the time I was saving up for a mortage for both of us to move out together.

 

She decided she wanted to end the relationship as she seen no future with us both. I was unsure because it was down to my circumstances and I was very career driven. I have always been a professional DJ, so I can still earn a full time wage regardless a month by working weekends.

 

She then ended up getting her own place by herself. I reached out to her and we were seeing each other for nearly 19 months. Constantly texting / ringing me everyday, telling me she loved me. But she never once made the effort with me in going on dates, cinema, food, walks etc.....she was always busy with everyone else except from me. I walked away 3 times ! and she always came running back but still never made the effort. I felt like a mug at the time, as seeing her when she suited.

 

Last year I finally got back my career job, which ended up going pear shape after nearly 4 months. The company was running bad allowing nepotism within the work place, bullying and all the directors knew about it. I had no chance of keeping my job because I did not agree with what had been happening. This had been going on for years. So I ended up whistle blowing them up, and it back fired the directors and everyone turned it back on me, in which I uncovered everything and I was taking them to court. My ex was fully aware of this dragging on for nearly 11 months.

 

I was still earning a full time wage by my dj'in but I know I had to fight this as it could detriment my future career. She never changed from November - February this year, telling me what I wanted to hear saying " I love you, I'm not interested or texting anyone else". I fighter for her and showed I changed in 19 months in making the effort.

 

I asked for us to have space, then I found out she was dating 6 weeks later. It really screwed my mind up thinking did she lie all of that time?

 

Questions I can't answer.

[d0nnivain]

To most people a request for space is a break up with a different name. This relationship although long by years has not been heathy for a while. You two have been back & forth for a long time now. Just let this separation be permanent. Do your DJ'ing. Get through the law suit. Search for a new job but have a run filled summer as a single guy. You need to kick back & stop begging her for validation; that well has been dry for some time now.

[Redhead14]

She's not a girlfriend, she's albatross around your neck. Stop "dragging" her around with you. You have enough on your plate. If she isn't participating in a quality relationship with you, take the space, keep moving and never look back. She's dating someone else, let him deal with her. She doesn't sound like a prize.

 

Anyway, I don't see the need to "ask" for space. She doesn't spend time with you and she's seeing someone else. Just stop reaching out and/or replying. You're stringing yourself along.

Edited May 22, 2019 by Redhead14

[lifeofapirate]

When your significant other asks for space, you've got to give it to them completely. It's got to be a total black out to where they are the ones coming to you and not vice versa.

 

There are several reasons for this. First of all, as another poster pointed out, usually when they ask for space, it's a breakup by another name. They might be trying on the breakup for themselves, but often it's to ease you into the idea.

 

That shows that they don't think you'll handle it well and they are hesitant to break it to you. Many times they plan to make it permanent space and to just keep telling you not to contact them if you do. Here is a video on what to do

but you want them to be surprised that you are able to stay away from them because they probably believe that you will keep reaching out or only give them a few days before texting something like, "Have you had enough space?"

 

People do that and it's so important that you don't. Show her that you can stay away so that she will even lose the ability to expect you to reach out. It is at that point that the tables can be turned in terms of her feeling like you are the one getting away.

 

You have nothing to gain by interrupting the space she says that she wants. Knowing if she has had enough is easy because she will reach out to you at that point.

[ExpatInItaly]

She decided she wanted to end the relationship as she seen no future with us both. I was unsure because it was down to my circumstances and I was very career driven. I have always been a professional DJ, so I can still earn a full time wage regardless a month by working weekends.

 

She then ended up getting her own place by herself. I reached out to her and we were seeing each other for nearly 19 months. Constantly texting / ringing me everyday, telling me she loved me. But she never once made the effort with me in going on dates, cinema, food, walks etc.....she was always busy with everyone else except from me. I walked away 3 times ! and she always came running back but still never made the effort. I felt like a mug at the time, as seeing her when she suited.

 

The relationship has been over a long time. It has been over since she broke up with you 19 months ago; since then, you've been a place-holder for her. She wasn't invested anymore.

 

Regardless of what happened at your previous job and the fact that you asked for space, the relationship wasn't heading anywhere any longer. You made an effort but she did not. That should have been your clue that she was checked out and biding her time until she met someone she did want to make the effort with.

 

I am gathering you are both on the younger side if she'd been living with her parents until she got kicked out, and then with grandparents until she got her own place. It's time you let go so you can eventually find someone who wants what you want, with you. She has already moved on.