Doughnuts28 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 My fiance left me 6 weeks ago. When we broke up i got it out of him that he had been getting closer to someone from work and they had been texting for several weeks. He said it had got flirty but they both pulled it back to normal conversation - i asked to see the messages but he had deleted them. They went out on a night out together and ended up kissing the following day. He said it was just a wake up call and made him realise we had lost our spark. He was apologetic but our relationship was still over and he did not want to try. When i saw him last he said he had not spoken to her and was moving past all that. He insists he wants to be on his own. I am seeing him tomorrow and i dont know if i should ask him outright if he has left me for this OW as it is all i can think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Lost33 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I would ask him what you want. Being that he left you and doesn't want to try fixing this, if something is on your mind, I would ask away. Maybe you can get closure and move on too. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Why are you seeing him? Just glad you found out he is a cheater before marriage and kids. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Wait, him or her????? Just read your previous post. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 My fiance left me 6 weeks ago. When we broke up i got it out of him that he had been getting closer to someone from work and they had been texting for several weeks. He said it had got flirty but they both pulled it back to normal conversation - i asked to see the messages but he had deleted them. They went out on a night out together and ended up kissing the following day. He said it was just a wake up call and made him realise we had lost our spark. He was apologetic but our relationship was still over and he did not want to try. When i saw him last he said he had not spoken to her and was moving past all that. He insists he wants to be on his own. I am seeing him tomorrow and i dont know if i should ask him outright if he has left me for this OW as it is all i can think about. This person didn't want to be in a committed relationship from the very beginning. He wanted to have sex with a hottie that made him feel like a champion. After the initial excitement of getting a "new toy" to play with, he got bored and realized how much work it takes to enjoy the same toy forever. Instead of using his imagination and finding new ways to enjoy his toy, he decided to instead get another one. He realized that he didn't want to be stuck to one toy that requires work. He'll probably keep doing this for a long time. You did not get a man that matured with you. He stayed a teenager. He doesnt WANT to grow up. If you have no children, then consider this a really heavy life experience about yourself. You're struggling with the logic, or lack thereof. His logic is meaningless, because you cant ever read his mind, just listen to his interpretation of what he thinks and feels through his words. Just like he doesn't appreciate you and what you've brought into his life. Forget it, because his logic is not your logic, and will never be. I know how you feel. You WANT it to be that he left you for her, because then THIS MAKES SENSE. If he didn't leave me for her, then why, WHY did he wait so long to do this? WHY DID HE DO THIS TO ME? IT MAKES NO SENSE. You aren't able to trust ANYTHING being said, so you aren't able to start healing. At some point, you have to be able to accept that you just will never know. What you DO know is the results, because you're living it. Focus on processing how you feel NOW. It's like you just got rear-ended by another driver. No amount of reasoning will fix your hurt back. You need to start therapy and heal at your own pace. Your fiance is no longer a passenger. He's now the other driver that you knew for so long. No reason he hurt you. He just did. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but I guess since I'm going through something worse it kind of struck a chord with me. I'm sending you all the <3 vibes I can send. Good luck, cuz ****, betrayel hurts, eh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Doughnuts28 Posted May 23, 2019 Author Share Posted May 23, 2019 Stupid autocorrect! Not him - her. Im seeing her tomorrow because she is bringing round some things to sign for the house to go on the market. It will be a flying visit. But i wondered if it was worth bringing it up. I think i have talked myself out of it because i cant trust it wont be lies! Thanks emotionallybroken, i dont mind harsh, i think i need it right now. I am sorry you are experiencing this too, it really does suck. Ive spent a long time hoping she will come around and blaming myself for pushing her to the affair. Hopefully the guilt will pass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Stupid autocorrect! Not him - her. Im seeing her tomorrow because she is bringing round some things to sign for the house to go on the market. It will be a flying visit. But i wondered if it was worth bringing it up. I think i have talked myself out of it because i cant trust it wont be lies! Thanks emotionallybroken, i dont mind harsh, i think i need it right now. I am sorry you are experiencing this too, it really does suck. Ive spent a long time hoping she will come around and blaming myself for pushing her to the affair. Hopefully the guilt will pass. Yeah man, it's hard. It's hard cuz > I < have 100% commited my time and life to myself, my wife, and my child. (Un)fortunately, when she was intimately neglectful of me for so, so long, I started working on myself. I read a lot. I cut out bad habits. I made amends. I continually improved, because clearly something was wrong with me that she didn't find attractive. I am now the culimination of working on myself so hard for so long. It's why this sucks. She destroyed my sanity. I'm regaining it back. It's hard, but worth the evolution. Whether she cheated or not will make no difference. Eventually you don't want to think of her anymore, as you'll go on to find a new relationship with new adventures, and above all, a chance for you to keep growing. You started simply by posting here. Next will be dealing completely with your ex. Good luck, you sound optomistic. I will keep posting in my thread as well, cuz lord knows my story is a little more complicated lol. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Last thread you posted you were a man now you are a woman, which one is the real you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 It's very confusing trying to respond to this poster because one day he is a man and they next day a woman. It would be helpful if he would state which one he is impersonating at the start of the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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