Random thoughts on Singleness

[Mysterio]

What comes to mind why some of us are more single than others?

 

Bad luck. Socially Awkwardness.

 

For me. I want a workable situation. Until I find that. I will be single. When I look at my male friends. The main reason they have their SO. Is because the women were the driving force in getting the relationship gelled.

 

It seems to me that if a Woman is a driving force. The relationship seems to be more gelled. If the Man is chasing. It never goes well for the man.

 

In my head. I see a relationship breaking up more from the woman side than the man side.

[alphamale]

women start and end 75% of all romantic relationships

[chillii]

Ahh , l don't believe most of the stats thrown around and you have to take into account anyway that very often he ended it first with an affair or lost interest.

And that she usually comes out of it with the house and the kids 1/2 his retirement and a ridiculous alimony even if she was the one that screwed around.

Could also mean women are far more selfish and weaker in the end than men and will destroy the family where as men will often put up with her for the family..

As usual, people throw around short sighted statements like that and basically cause damage because that bs never covers the whole story.

 

As for being single, l'm single 50% of the time atm my woman flys home for a month, mth here mth there.

lt's a great setup l wish we could do it like this forever but alas, we're gonna have to make a decision soon.

Edited May 24, 2019 by chillii

[The Outlaw]

I'm single and lovin' it.

[Rayce]

some days its great... some days it sucks

[todreaminblue]

when the moon is beautiful bright and crazy full,

the dark night with wisps of clouds like cotton wool,

and im looking at the stars head tipped back like a fool,

i forget that im single and I forget about the rules....

 

i forget that im often lonely in a crowd,

i forget that life sometimes gets so loud,

with lovers songs on every radio around,

i forget that in my silence is a really beautiful sound....

 

i walk my own path my heart dances to the drum

no rules to follow and then i unfollow some,

tea for two can be made for just one....

i can be me single or a duo or even more than three,

and i dont need pity or the suffocation in sympathy....

 

because

 

when the moon is beautiful bright and crazy full,

the dark night with wisps of clouds like cotton wool,

and im looking at the stars head tipped back like a fool,

i forget that im single and I can forget about the rules....deb

 

 

sorry the poetry thread is 60 days old and i cant post in it. so i invaded your thread....and made my poem about singledom.....it really was about the moon to start with but i added the single parts i feel it really fits me.........ps we had a blue flower moon the other night and it was absolutely stunning....deb

[Mysterio]

I guess for me. I just feel that the Singleness feels so finite. It's like If I meet a woman today and we have a romantic relationship. If I take it for granted or botch it up somehow. That's it for at least a good 2 yrs. I am out all the time. I don't stay home and I try to make sure I am not staying in and isolated. I guess for me. I have to realize that it will happen when it happens. I can't trap myself into thinking that I am missing out, by being single. The Singleness does not bother me that I feel semi-sad that I can't find a reasonable LTR. I think that sadness would be like being not able to read or if I was a woman. I can't concive and there is no major glaring obvious reason as to why that is.

 

For me, it more the going out there and trying to date that is an irritation. I have had better matches when the women come towards me.

 

That's the pattern I see. Again. It's not like I think that my male friends are having sex on tap and are super happy day to day with their spouses. It's just that they are closer to the ideal romantic situation than say I am.

 

Even though I think that I am pretty easy to be with. I guess the universe has its own plans of when I will couple up. In the meantime. I thought that dating would be a pastime that would take me from one relationship to the next, until I meet a woman where we gel with each other.

 

It's so peculiar to me that both Sexes want each other, but it's hard for some of us to find each other in basic harmony. Not perfect, but say ideal.

 

I wonder why some women want to end it. I know people that have been together for years and are now breaking apart. I guess at age 48. If I start something with a woman now. I guess If I meet a woman that is 38 +, she may strive for her and me to make it. More due to her ageing and not being able to start over again and again. As opposed to being younger and she can dump at a drop of a hat.

 

Another thing I also sense here and in real life is that our self worth is so wrapped up with being partnered up. Most people won't just turn away from it. Weather Sex is on the table in an obvious way or not.

 

I don't know if all of us Singles that want to be coupled up. If we have to have a very specific person in mind or be open to anything. Once again. What seems to work when I think about it is this. I get into a state of not really caring about romantically connecting with a woman, mixed with her being more the driving force gettign us together. If those factors are not around. Nothing major happens. For whatever reason. If I like the woman first there is an obstlce in the way. If she likes me. No problems, unless she is attached or wants sex/kids/living together right away.

Edited May 25, 2019 by Mysterio

[basil67]

I guess If I meet a woman that is 38 +, she may strive for her and me to make it. More due to her ageing and not being able to start over again and again.

 

I'm four years older than you Mysterio, and I'm not seeing any single women I know settling because they getting older. I am however seeing many of them loving the freedom of a single life and not looking for a man at all.

[chillii]

When l was single no one l met was loving single life , mind you l only bother with like minded.

Outside of that though it's always been pretty obvious how women act and their bravado around their women friends is a whole different story to behind close doors, get them late at night with a few drinks under their belt and it all starts coming out, but then maybe you have to be a guy with them at that time to hear the real story, dunno don't care tbh.

 

I do believe though some would rather not bother and genuinely prefer single like some guys l know, can't be bothered with women anymore, they go out have some fun now and then but that's all they can be fkd with.

There are a few long term single women l've known for a long time and l know they would love to be with someone, butttt, that's them , not the whole spectrum l know, know guys that would love to meet someone special and settle down together too.

l think though most people would love to find love deep down, no matter what bs they spin, bravado often cloaks fear in my book.

Edited May 25, 2019 by chillii

[Mysterio]

My look at the women around me is this. The Single women don't come off to me as living it up. The women that are married/have a SO. They don't come off to me as being chained down to my buddies. They love having their SO and they don't seem so gung ho to do things with their female friends for the most part.

 

It's not like my male buddies are keeping their women down. Women are not chained to them. Most I think they would have to do for their SO is a hug/kiss 3 times a week, and maybe sex once a week if that.

 

I just don't see a bunch of single women living it up with their GF's and going to the bar and keeping to themselves. Not talking about or wanting to be with their man. Early 20's maybe. Anything after 27. Most women want to be with the man.

 

The Men, on the other hand, seem more likely to have super fun with the boys and are not pining away to be with their women.

 

I was out seeing a band last night. I am not staying home doing nothing.

My friends that are married and attached. Their wives come across to me as more the social butterfly. So when I hear of these women over 55 living it up. I don't get it.

[chillii]

The friends and clubs thing gets old very fast , that's usually just mlc at those kind of ages, suddenly they're 16 again complete with the f book fish lip selfies and tongues out.

Not to say some don't just legitimately prefer single though.

[Mysterio]

I'm four years older than you Mysterio, and I'm not seeing any single women I know settling because they getting older. I am however seeing many of them loving the freedom of a single life and not looking for a man at all.

 

Basil. I hear you. I guess I don't see the fun of single women 40/50 plus living it up, to do what? Go out and enjoy each others company and never talk about men or desire having a man in their lives. Especially if they're childless. I don't get what the disparity of how men and women can't relate to each other.

 

The only reason I can see being single for a woman and her living it up is that the woman does not want any physical affection, or want to give physical affection to a man or she is drained out by that. No man is interested in her as well.

 

My buddy SA broke up with his wife of 19 in 2017. They met in 1988 at 16/17. They got married in 1997. 6 months after they split. He had a GF. She to my knowledge had no one. I can't even really see her going out there. SA just split with his GF. I think it was her doing. So unless SA and his ex JA get back together. She has no one. I wonder if she, like some others. Never really had a lot to give physically and is fine with it.

 

I am not saying we should all be coupled from age 20 till death, but it is nice to have that companionship where there is affection. Otherwise whats the point in being in a relationship.

[Mysterio]

The friends and clubs thing gets old very fast , that's usually just mlc at those kinds of ages, suddenly they're 16 again complete with the f book fish lip selfies and tongues out.

Not to say some don't just legitimately prefer single though.

 

Chilli. Preferring to be single to me, in my head means. I don't want to have any obligations to have physical relations with a partner. I will go about my life, and maybe once in a while. A one night stand pops up.

 

If the woman keeps up her physical looks. She is never going to have peace. Like, could not see Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie. Or even Susan Sarandon for the rest of their lives. Throw away any chance of being with a man. Just the way they come off. They will always have suitors unless they live off the grid.

[basil67]

Basil. I hear you. I guess I don't see the fun of single women 40/50 plus living it up, to do what? Go out and enjoy each others company and never talk about men or desire having a man in their lives. Especially if they're childless. I don't get what the disparity of how men and women can't relate to each other.

 

The women I know? They travel. A lot. They do workshops and gain skills and do fun stuff. There's a heck of a lot more to do than just see bands and go to bars. They go out with friends - and not necessarily just other single women. Our group has a range of people with different marital statuses.

 

The single older women I know would have trouble fitting a man into their schedule. And they'd struggle having to work around someone else. They don't want some old dude on viagra chasing them for sex. In short, after years of being previously married and raising children, they want to be selfish for a turn.

Edited May 26, 2019 by basil67

[Foxhall]

my thoughts are along the lines of

 

singleness- for guys-main reason is linked to social awkwardness or lack of self esteem,

category two-they have become disillusioned with previous relationships and are happy to take a backseat and play for the odd casual hook up rather than the full on relationship

 

some people are happy single,

 

if remaining single, people at least need a small group of close friends and to have interests and social activities to pursue,

 

I guess there is no point just matching up with someone for the sake of it,and while the idea of "there is someone out there for everyone" should be true it is not always easy to find that person,

 

Many relationships will go through phases of where both sides but particularly women doubt whether the relationship is right for them and some combinations will end at this point.

 

some guys have difficulty "getting it all out there" really connecting properly emotionally with a women( thats social awkwardness really) and they may give up on that and remain single.

 

 

Personally I think would be happier long term being married, I am a sociable type really, I feel would be happier coming home to an energetic house full of life rather than the silent four walls,

 

have only felt twice really, yes I love this girl I want to marry her,

 

have met a new lady in the last few weeks and while there is a reasonable connection there, I am not convinced yet or am not feeling that initial buzz that had with my best previous relationships,but it might grow.

 

lol when go single too for a few years, it can be difficult to get back into relationship zone.

 

time is marching on too, so need to start making things happen

 

whatever will be will be though!!

[alphamale]

The women I know? They travel. A lot. They do workshops and gain skills and do fun stuff. There's a heck of a lot more to do than just see bands and go to bars. They go out with friends - and not necessarily just other single women. Our group has a range of people with different marital statuses.

 

The single older women I know would have trouble fitting a man into their schedule. And they'd struggle having to work around someone else. They don't want some old dude on viagra chasing them for sex. In short, after years of being previously married and raising children, they want to be selfish for a turn.

 

I have a number of these older women in my meetup group and I know many of them well. As a group they also tend to be unhappy and lonely, especially if they don't have offspring.

[chillii]

From what l've seen over and over out of 100s of women l've known or met through life, friends or family ,l believe most are generally family/marriage orientated at their heart no matter what they say, and it's perfectly natural to my mind.

Not to say there aren't a few out there that just aren't though but in my experience, most are deep down.

[basil67]

Alpha, I only know one who doesn't have children. She's got a really hectic social life and is highly in demand at events. Never heard her grumble. And she's family, so I reckon I would have heard about it.

 

As for the others, I guess I choose happy positive people as friends. It could be argued that there are the negative ones out there, but I don't meet them.

[Cinnamon_Girl]

Ahh , l don't believe most of the stats thrown around and you have to take into account anyway that very often he ended it first with an affair or lost interest.

And that she usually comes out of it with the house and the kids 1/2 his retirement and a ridiculous alimony even if she was the one that screwed around.

Could also mean women are far more selfish and weaker in the end than men and will destroy the family where as men will often put up with her for the family..

As usual, people throw around short sighted statements like that and basically cause damage because that bs never covers the whole story.

 

As for being single, l'm single 50% of the time atm my woman flys home for a month, mth here mth there.

lt's a great setup l wish we could do it like this forever but alas, we're gonna have to make a decision soon.

 

I get so tired of men saying this kind of thing.So many more women than men put up with alcoholism, abuse, and cheating from men to "keep the family together."

Most of these women, and their children would be far better off if the woman would just leave the man.

 

Many men find nothing wrong with fathering children and then abandoning them. The commonality of single mothers is testament to that.

 

Alimony is a pretty rare thing in normal/average income families. It usually is only awarded when a woman was a housewife, and didn't work outside of the home.

[nospam99]

I get so tired of men saying this kind of thing.So many more women than men put up with alcoholism, abuse, and cheating from men to ''keep the family together.''

Most of these women, and their children would be far better off if the woman would just leave the man.

 

The issues in my marriage, all on my ex sez me, were neglect and (financial) fraud (the kid's trust funds). Knowing other divorced men who are my social and economic counterparts, I would be very interested to see data on the bolded, especially if broken down by location and socioeconomic class. Of course I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. But living an 'upper middle class' life in a 'deep blue' (very politically feminist for non-USA folks) state, I've seen little male alcoholism, abuse, or cheating and lots of legally leveraged extortion permitted to and encouraged for married women. The way my lawyer put it (tongue in cheek of course) was that the wife can get away with anything short of a weekend with Fabio in Vegas

[guest569]

I may be utterly miserable, but it has nothing to do with being single and free of offspring. If I was married with a kid or two, I would still be utterly miserable. I don't have some nagging maternal instincts or any of that rubbish. I think my maturity levels have declined so I just wouldn't be cut out for it. Maybe later. Maybe not, I would be pretty happy to spend my retirement banging cute guys half my age.

[Lotsgoingon]

Lots of men are family oriented ... OMG, even some of the brutal guys who engage in nasty custody battles--are pushing for custody of their children.

 

And guys and daughters--another OMG. So many fathers are nuts about their daughters and will do all kinds of stuff to help them.

[guest569]

Lots of men are family oriented ... OMG, even some of the brutal guys who engage in nasty custody battles--are pushing for custody of their children.

 

And guys and daughters--another OMG. So many fathers are nuts about their daughters and will do all kinds of stuff to help them.

 

Of course.

 

Unfortunately wasn't like that for me. Maybe that's why I don't want kids?

[Fekenaws]

Being single is okay so long as there are prospects. When there aren't any prospects on the horizon, being single sucks

[lonelyplanetmoon]

The people I know who are serially single tend to have unrealistically high expectations of what they want in a gf/bf. So the don’t “settle”.

They tend to think of the relationship in terms of what it will give them.

 

I have learned that relationships are a vehicle to know yourself better by learning acceptance of another because they are different from you. This is a lifelong struggle to not to judge and have expectations.