Meeting ex 2 weeks after no contact. This is what I want to say to get her back.

[njb32519]

[Proposal]

 

"I just wanted to let you know that I believe I understand why you wanted to break up. When you told me you wanted your space it shocked me but it kind of woke me up and scared me but I realized this was an opportunity. And I took that opportunity to take a step back and take a look at our relationship with fresh eyes. I had a chance to see if this is something I really want, am I truly happy and is this something I’m will to work for? I decided that it was.

So next I looked at our overall relationship. And what I saw was that our relationship wasn’t as good as I though it was, we had really hit a rut, it became stale and I feel like we both got comfortable with it. We became lazy and I let not hanging out with my friends or you not hanging out with your friend not bother me because I became emotionally dependent on you for my happiness. That wasn’t right, we both have to be happy and satisfied in our personal life’s if we want to be able to build each other up and inspire each other. When I stepped back and analyzed these things I remembered that you tried to communicate these concerns with me before. But when you tried to have serious conversation with me i would just joked around and blew the conversation off as no big deal. But in reality I was running away from the conversation without realizing it.

 

Like you saying we should go hangout with jade and I would say it’s to far even though we weren’t doing anything that weekend and looking back now I see that, that I would of had fun doing that, I want to go do stuff but I was taking the relationship for granted. I also saw how I was always criticizing you and your life. Seeing this was one thing that made me feel terrible because It was from my own insecurities from losing who I was and I projected it in you. This hurt our communication because I know it made you not want to tell me certain things going on in your life. I’m sorry for that. Every thing that you worry about, the things you hate about yourself and all the corky things that you do are all the reasons why I fell in love with you and I didn’t tell you that enough. I want to know what’s going on with you. So with this time we had apart I wanted to really take time and change things in my life. So I reconnected with my friends, family and what I love again.

I went to North Carolina with my sister and mom, been going out with friends, talking to Nate more, making music with Joel, going fishing, playing basketball and i found my motivation again. I found myself again and the most important of all, I found the happiness that I need in my own life to make our life better. But I don’t just want to tell you about it I want to be able to show you. I want to show you that I’m becoming the guy you may have forgotten about, the guy that you met and fell in love with. I want to show you that this CAN be better, WE can be better."

Edited May 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and denote proposal.

[Redhead14]

Said every guy whose girlfriend broke up with him . . . stop with the scripts. Go and meet with her and when you speak, speak from the heart, not some rehearsed speech that has no basis in reality. It's only been two weeks, you cannot have changed so significantly as to be able to promise her things will be different. Just about every woman has hear that before.

 

Go and listen to her first. The reason you broke up is because you weren't listening to her apparently so don't go there without being prepared to LISTEN for a change. That might help you get another chance. Listen first.

[ExpatInItaly]

Said every guy whose girlfriend broke up with him . . . stop with the scripts. Go and meet with her and when you speak, speak from the heart, not some rehearsed speech.

 

Exactly.

 

It's okay to have some points in mind you wish you bring up, OP, but what do you plan to do - print this speech out and read it to her?

 

Take Redhead's advice and listen first. Then speak. Respond to her, with whatever your heart says in the moment. It's not that you don't raise important points in your intended monologue, but it won't seem sincere if you go into this meet-up with a rehearsed spiel.

[d0nnivain]

The speech is terrible & it won't work. The sentiment behind it that you understand that you made mistakes & you are willing to work to do better is fine. You will have to change to fix this but it can only be fixed if she's willing. The fact that she has called you to talk is a positive sign. However, you have only been broken up for 2 weeks. Real change takes years so stop acting like you fixed everything in 14 days.

 

Skip the speech. LISTEN to her. Admit where you were wrong. Agree that you want to work with her to improve your relationship.

[njb32519]

We broke after two years because she wanted to take time and figure out her life by herself for a little bit. There is defiantly more to it and I am going to try to show her that I understand how our relationship is suffering and how I’m putting in effort to change. This is our first separation and it was very peaceful. We agreed to meet up when she gets back from vacation with her family to clarify things. . It’s been 8 days of no contact and she gets back tomorrow. I’m worried she won’t text me, and if she doesn’t how long should I wait to ask her to clarify when we should meet?

[preraph]

She's the one who broke up and asked for time. So she is the one who should contact you if she wants to. Otherwise you should not do a thing. This is a breakup.

 

Respect her wish to be left alone. if she reconsiders she knows where to find you.

[Dandelioness]

I agree. As painful as it is to wait, the ball is in her court. Patience. If she doesn't contact you, you have your answer.. no further explanation needed.

[d0nnivain]

We broke after two years because she wanted to take time and figure out her life by herself for a little bit.

 

You don't need to meet. Let me translate the above for you.

 

She no longer wants to date you but can't bear to hurt you so she's inching her way out of the relationship slowly hoping to spare your feelings.

 

She's actually making it worse because she's giving you false hope.

 

If she had spoken to you about whatever her concerns are before taking this drastic step perhaps you could have worked together to fix things but not now. She's emotionally done & all you are doing is crawling after her begging. It's not dignified.

[preraph]

She did try to talk to him during the relationship and he just blew her off. But now he thinks he can convince her that he has automatically changed completely and is a new man. He didn't care enough about her to change his ways until she dumped him and now he thinks words can fix it.

[d0nnivain]

She did try to talk to him during the relationship and he just blew her off. But now he thinks he can convince her that he has automatically changed completely and is a new man. He didn't care enough about her to change his ways until she dumped him and now he thinks words can fix it.

 

njb32519: If this is true, your proposed speech is an even worse idea, with even less likelihood of success. The time to fix what's wrong was months ago. At this point she is emotionally done with you. Her heart is fully closed. She is just not direct enough to be blunt.

[elaine567]

Trouble with all this should have, would have, could have is that when it really mattered it didn't happen and no amount of shutting the stable door is any good once the horse has bolted and has no intention of ever coming back...

 

Seems to me almost every day we get men on here promising to change... when it is usually far too late..

[Redhead14]

You wait as long as it takes. When someone tells me they want space, I become NASA. THEY contact Houston when they figure out what their problem is. If they take too long, they may not have a place to land their aircraft. If they don't contact at all, I keep going and I don't look back. I'm not really about letting someone else decide unilaterally what will happen with my life. And, while their taking their little break, I'm doing some hard core re-evaluating myself. I may find that I don't want them back anyway and I may not answer when they do reach out. No qualms.

 

If it's been a long-term relationship and there have been difficulties to sort out but they still love you and truly just want space to think things through and then circle back to loop you in and have a mutual conversation about how to proceed and gives a specific date for meeting to talk, I'll go along with that. Even then, if they don't reach out, I'm out. Gone. Period. I'm not going to put my life on hold for very long, that's for darn sure.

 

This is our first separation

-- You say this so matter of fact-like. If this ends up continuing, you need to let her know that this is the last time you will tolerate being pushed out of the process. Either there is communication and clarity or you're out. If she asks for space ever again, you end it, right then and there. No putting yourself on hold. Edited May 26, 2019 by Redhead14

[d0nnivain]

That line about it being "our 1st separation" bugged me too. DH & I have been married for 10+ years, together for 13. We have never had a separation. I was with another man for 11 years, lived together for 10. We also didn't have any separations. Separations are bad, not normal in a relationship.

[elaine567]

I have never had a separation or a "break" in a relationship either.

[ExpatInItaly]

This is our first separation and it was very peaceful.

 

You say this as though separations are normal and to be expected. They are the sign that something is very wrong.

 

I don't think it's a good idea for you to reach out to her to set up a time to meet. If you don't hear from her, it's because she doesn't actually want to talk. This ball is in her court.

[Blanco]

Dude, it's been two weeks. Glad to hear you're keeping busy, but this tone of "I'm a new man" is something plucked from some second-rate rom-com. Life doesn't really work that way.

 

Also agree with others that separations in a relationship are not normal and not something to be expected as part of an overall quality relationship.

 

She broke up with you.

[njb32519]

It’s been two weeks since we broke up. She said she would text me when she got back from her trip to talk about meeting up. She got back yesterday. How long should I wait for her to text me before I try again? One, three days? **serious replies only**

[Mr. Lucky]

She said she would text me when she got back from her trip to talk about meeting up.

 

Why not follow this plan? Understanding her interest would help you decide where to go from here...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Marc878]

Im assuming she broke up with you.

 

Let her go. I wouldn't wait on her.

[devilish innocent]

She broke up with you so I would let this go. Either she wants to meet up or she doesn't. If she wants to meet up, she'll contact you. If she doesn't, she won't appreciate a text from you about it whether it's one day, or three days, or three weeks, or three months after her trip. A text or a conversation won't change her mind if she's done with the relationship.

[The Outlaw]

Don't even worry about it. Move on. If the breakup was bad, texting her will only make it harder to let her go and move on.

[Happy Lemming]

When a woman dumps me, I move on... immediately. Delete her number, throw away any little gifts or knick-knacks she gave me, take a shower and go out that night to find the next one.

 

Why in the world are you texting with your ex?? She doesn't want you, delete her number, go no contact and move on. Don't be some pathetic little puppy that hangs on her every little breadcrumb.

 

NEXT!!

[d0nnivain]

It’s been two weeks since we broke up. She said she would text me when she got back from her trip to talk about meeting up. She got back yesterday. How long should I wait for her to text me before I try again? One, three days?

 

She doesn't really want to text you or meet up with you. She's done with this relationship.

 

Since she said she would text you, I suggest you sit on your hands & wait. It will be difficult but every day that passes when she doesn't reach out & the days turn into weeks, should effectively kill the hope that still lives in your heart & motivate you to move on.

 

Best wishes. Grieving the pain of a break up is tough.

[loversquarrel]

Why waste your time communicating with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Would you want to wait around for an employer who fired you or would you go looking for a better job?

[Highndry]

C'mon, man, you haven't changed in 2 weeks. It takes a long time for people to change. What you're trying to do is say whatever it takes to get her back. This is so transparent.

 

Instead of long-winded letters, just be honest and straightforward if/when you talk to her, but I say once a woman breaks up, it is OVER.