One year later.

[stillafool]

I'm sure if this guy ever cheats on his wife it won't be with MH; it would be with someone new. He wife may own a bunny.

[LoverOfDance]

StillAFool, EXACTLY, it is quite likely that he will cheat again whether it is with MH or not. He’s done it before after all. This is exactly why I am trying to save his wife and encouraging MH to do one selfless thing for once but no one seems to care much for the wife.

 

Everyone is trying to prevent short term drama and forgetting about the long term and permanent damage that will be caused when the wife eventually learns about this secret in the future.

[HiCrunchy]

OP needs to cut these people (Jason and his wife, and mutuals) off and move on with her life, maybe a new town or set of friends etc. She doesnt need to tell the wife anything or insert herself into the marriage.

 

A full cleanse of block and delete, that's what I did.

Obsessive feelings will calm down if u do this. U will feel more in control, I promise u. And if u go full no contact, then long term drama will be avoided.

Edited September 30, 2019 by HiCrunchy

[Blanco]

It's probably worth also considering that, from what I infer, the OP and the married couple are part of a rural religious community. In other words, even if the OP were to disclose this information to the wife, divorce might not even be seen as a viable option. If that's the case, then I really don't see a point in dropping this bombshell.

 

The time to say something was before they got married.

[LoverOfDance]

Crunchy, you seem to be new to this story. Go and read the likely 80 or more pages of her first thread. Everything you are saying, we have told her to do a thousand times.

 

Many people who started giving advice on the first thread seem to have given up and stopped following the story.

 

I honestly don’t know why I am still reading. I think I am hoping that Op can redeem herself and save herself somehow, smh.

[LoverOfDance]

Blanco, oh no, this is a misconception. The bible says that a man or woman is free to divorce his or her spouse in cases of infidelity. I am paraphrasing but this is pretty much what it says.

[HiCrunchy]

Crunchy, you seem to be new to this story. Go and read the likely 80 or more pages of her first thread. Everything you are saying, we have told her to do a thousand times.

 

Many people who started giving advice on the first thread seem to have given up and stopped following the story.

 

I honestly don’t know why I am still reading. I think I am hoping that Op can redeem herself and save herself somehow, smh.

 

I'm not new. I've read since the beginning.

 

But I believe she needs to get away from the object of her addiction. Not create another attachment.

 

I do feel for the wife, but OP cant handle disclosing that kinda info right now in her emotional state. She needs space from him

[Blanco]

Blanco, oh no, this is a misconception. The bible says that a man or woman is free to divorce his or her spouse in cases of infidelity. I am paraphrasing but this is pretty much what it says.

 

I know, but divorce still carries a stigma among the deeply religious.

[nospam99]

Another perspective ....

 

I think most of us agree that OP is in limerence. It's so bad that when she met a 'nice guy' she dropped him, telling herself that she can't try to develop a relationship with anyone else because she's not sufficiently 'over' Jason.

 

Meanwhile, what has Jason done that's so terrible? (Don't shoot me!) He had a ONS with a friend BEFORE HE WAS MARRIED. As far as we know it was the only time in his life that he 'cheated'. Not something I did or would do but .... on a ten-point 'scumbag scale' maybe a 2 or a 3. Why the assumption he's some kind of serial cheater?

[Maddie82]

StillAFool, EXACTLY, it is quite likely that he will cheat again whether it is with MH or not. He’s done it before after all. This is exactly why I am trying to save his wife and encouraging MH to do one selfless thing for once but no one seems to care much for the wife..

 

Again, you don't know that. Something tells me that MH would know if was cheating with someone (seeing how she stalks him etc) but she hasn't said anything so he's obviously not. She is also NOT going to tell his wife anything..That's just rediculous after all this time.

[HiCrunchy]

Another perspective ....

 

I think most of us agree that OP is in limerence. It's so bad that when she met a 'nice guy' she dropped him, telling herself that she can't try to develop a relationship with anyone else because she's not sufficiently 'over' Jason.

 

Meanwhile, what has Jason done that's so terrible? (Don't shoot me!) He had a ONS with a friend BEFORE HE WAS MARRIED. As far as we know it was the only time in his life that he 'cheated'. Not something I did or would do but .... on a ten-point 'scumbag scale' maybe a 2 or a 3. Why the assumption he's some kind of serial cheater?

 

Ultimately if he is a serial cheater or not isnt relevant to ops healing. Not an assumption I made. But I do think her attachment to someone that cant love her the way she deserves is more concerning.

 

She needs space away from him, forever, to heal.

[preraph]

^ Yeah, I still think he was a virgin and just practiced on her in preparation for his wedding night. Or maybe not a virgin but decided to have his bachelor party on her.

 

You can't pidgeonhole Christians. They are pretty diverse, but I tend to agree most with Blanco that in a small town where everyone knows everything and it being rural, plus the fact this man is actively involved in his church and not just as a spectator, they probably wouldn't be quick to divorce. But point being -- wouldn't matter anyway. He doesn't want MH or he'd have done something about it years ago when she was chasing him.

[Tristian]

Since I'm seeing a lot of bickering between replies I'm going to give this thread some time to cool off.

 

 

 

When I reopen the thread tomorrow I ask that we return the focus to helping the OP rather then debating between members.

Edited October 1, 2019 by Tristian