One year later.

[Blanco]

I don't know why, but I thought OP was in her thirties. Girl, you're 23/24! You don't know what you really want. Trust me. I've been 23/24. You feel so sure of what you want, only to look back years later and go, "Hey, good thing I didn't get what I thought I wanted."

 

These are some of your prime years ahead to meet a quality guy and maybe start a family, if that's what you want. Don't punt those years over a fantasy.

[Madd_hatter]

How is the progress with this guy?

 

You know, I honestly tried. I can’t be with anyone while I’m still hung up on Jason. I want to, but don’t feel able to.

[Maddie82]

You know, I honestly tried. I can’t be with anyone while I’m still hung up on Jason. I want to, but don’t feel able to.

 

You DON'T want to. You want to wallow and obsess over Jason. And in the meantime Jason is happy with his wife not even giving you a second thought and will pretty soon have children with her. You will likely never move on if you never actually give anyone else a proper chance. You pretty quickly dismissed this new guy.

[Maddie82]

I’m so absolutely mortified, I can’t believe my stupidity. I am beyond freaking out, beyond panic mode! I feel physically ill.

 

 

Seriously? You only liked an old pic on Instagram. It's no big deal.

[LoverOfDance]

When hatter eventually starts an emotional affair with Jason, i’ll be the first to say I called it. She’s already helped him cheat before and they’ve apparently kissed a couple of times through out the years she’s known him. Smh, this girl is not letting go of this man any time soon. I can see that now.

 

Op, grow some balls and tell his wife. Do something right for once. If you tell her, the exposure of the secret will show you how crazy this whole situation really is. Maybe you’ll finally open your eyes and see how much damage you’ve done. Maybe you’ll finally start to see things for what they really are.

 

Seriously, why is no one encouraging her to tell the truth??? Are we all waiting for Jason’s wife to give birth thereby becoming forever entangled with him? I’m beginning to wonder why none of us are trying to save that woman, smh.

[Maddie82]

Seriously, why is no one encouraging her to tell the truth???

 

He does. I read in a comment a few pages back that he knows exactly how she feels. He's just not interested in her.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

By "truth" LoD meant to tell Jason's wife that he banged someone else right before their wedding. The wife does not know this.

Edited September 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Maddie82]

Why would she want to cause trouble in his marriage now? Doing something like that is a bit 'fatal attraction'

Edited September 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Beachead]

@LoverofDance

 

When I was on here struggling with my own predicament, all I got was tough love and insults. I’m surprised at how nice ppl are being towards you. I’m glad that they are being nice. However, i’m beginning to think that maybe you need some tough love.

 

Nobody should have insulted you while you were down and out.

 

You know what the problem is with that style of advising? It teaches people to look down on others who are in pain, in the same harsh way. Teaches you to resent anything remotely close to weakness. I mean if you're treated like crap during your lowest moments, then why should anyone else have it better.

 

Did they treat you that way for your own good? Or was it because they were treated as such when they were a broken mess because nobody ever showed them compassion? That's the problem out there; a serious lack of love but PLENTY of judgement and blame for all.

 

Tough love is necessary to drive a point home (Which we've all done with MH here) but balanced with kindness in person's lowest, vulnerable moments..you might just make them want to do the same for someone else in the future.

 

I say that because when I was a broken mess myself, it was those people that I remembered the most. The patient, compassionate but firm, kind. When we go through terrible times in the future and we all will..I think those are the qualities we'd all be grateful to receive from others.

Edited September 30, 2019 by Beachead

[LoverOfDance]

Beachead, you seem like such a kind soul. I wish you were here when I was struggling. I struggled for years but barely posted on here because people called me names when I did. I am very thankful for my family because they picked me up when I was down and never judged me no matter how crazy it was that I couldn’t seem to get over a man I never had any real relationship with.

 

Maddie, I understand what you’re saying, I really do. But what you’re doing is sweeping dirt or sh*t underneath the carpet and pretending that the house is clean. At some point, the whole place will begin to smell.

 

Op, I know you don’t want to face his wife because the mere thought of this secret coming out is terrifying to you. Think about it. This marriage is a sham. Jason is pretending to be something he is not. You might be concerned with wrecking the marriage but the marriage was already wrecked the moment he kissed you and took your virginity.

 

Why don’t ppl understand that the longer you keep something hidden, the worse things will be when the secret finally comes out and believe me, this secret WILL CERTAINLY come out one day.

 

Hatter I hope you are able to gather the courage to tell the truth. The truth will set you free and hopefully it will set Jason’s wife free too.

[HiCrunchy]

I dont think telling the wife is the right thing to do.

 

They only slept together once and otherwise he never made move on her through out their friendship.

If he wanted to make her an affair partner, he had so many years to make that happen and he never did because he doesnt want her.

 

She needs to say as far away from him and his bs as possible. Telling the wife they hooked up once will bring more of his drama into her life.

 

OP dont tell his wife. Go no contact, cold Turkey.

[Maddie82]

I agree about not telling the wife. What is that going to achieve? Nothing. And it'll make things a whole lot worse for the op.

[LoverOfDance]

He cheated on his wife with op when his wife was his fiancée. Cheating once does NOT make the act any less wrong.

 

Op seems to be afraid of coming clean and crunchy and maddie are concerned about creating drama, smh.

 

This drama has ALREADY been created. Everyone is afraid of stirring things up. Why can’t everyone see that things have already been stirred up. Sigh.

 

There’s nothing I can do. Things will not end well for this marriage. The truth will come out. Whether it is now or 20 years from now when the poor wife has already had 3 kids for scumbag Jason.

 

I have a feeling I know where all this will end up but all I can do is sit and watch.

[Blanco]

OP needs to be doing everything she can to completely detach from this guy. Telling his wife about their ONS is going to have the opposite effect and likely put her right in the middle of the ensuing drama. On top of that, if disclosing this information destroys the marriage, it'll be virtually impossible for the OP to move on if the supposed love of her life is then "available."

[LoverOfDance]

I think some ppl on here do not understand the extremities of Op’s addiction. She is STILL stalking him. In the past, Op HAS acted on her addiction without caring much about who would get hurt. I’m concerned about the fact that op has acted on her addiction once before by sleeping with Jason. If she can do it once, what are the chances that she won’t do it again?

 

She is still stalking him online despite all we have told her about detaching herself from him. She might be following him around in real life too. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised.

 

I think ppl are undermining the strength of her addiction. Jason’s availability or unavailability does not seem to affect Op’s craving for him. He has been unavailable to her for years but she still wanted him. Jason staying married has not made op any less addicted to him. If he got divorced tomorrow, nothing would change in Op’s feelings. Op’s passion for Jason will burn just as bright whether he is available or not.

 

Op, I am advising you to tell his wife the truth because I honestly believe it is selfish not to.

[Maddie82]

Op, I am advising you to tell his wife the truth because I honestly believe it is selfish not to.

 

This is utterly the wrong advice for the op. It has been over a year since they had a one night stand. What good will it do now? And how exactly is she supposed to prove it? This would be a very bad move. LOD why are you hellbent on the op causing unnessary drama? Are you drawing on your own experiences and feelings of bitterness?

[HiCrunchy]

If OP was in an active affair with a married man, sure disclosing to the wife might wake up the OW that their MM isnt going to be with them. She isnt in an affair, and wont be in one because she is in limerance with someone that cant give her what she wants.

 

But OP knows he isnt in love with her. He showed her by rejecting her and marrying someone else. He doesnt contact her and is living a married life.

 

OP doesnt need to inject herself into the marriage and make drama for herself. She needs to leave him alone and detach. Its not the same as an affair situation.

Edited September 30, 2019 by HiCrunchy

[HiCrunchy]

@Loverofdance

 

Sometimes different situations require different types of advice. I'm just tailoring what the best course action would be based on what would be best for OPs unique situation. Op should not tell his wife.

 

 

I'm sorry people were cruel in the way they delivered advice to you. I'm unaware of ur specifics but hope u found peace in ur battles too

Edited September 30, 2019 by HiCrunchy

[preraph]

Seriously, why is no one encouraging her to tell the truth??? Are we all waiting for Jason’s wife to give birth thereby becoming forever entangled with him? I’m beginning to wonder why none of us are trying to save that woman, smh.

 

Because some people have read the whole thread and realize she's been after him for years before he got engaged and practiced sex on her and that she's tried everything to get him back since then and that he was never interested in her or he'd have been with her years and years ago. He is a friend of the family who used to need to come over sometimes. He's always known she wanted him and he's never agreed to it except the one time he practiced sex on her before he got married and would be doing it with his bride.

 

If he gets bored in marriage and goes over and does it again, it still doesn't mean a thing except that he knows she'll always say yes. He would never stay with her. And Pretty sure his wife may know by now or heard rumors because she told her friends about it and they're in a very small town all going to the same church.

[preraph]

I think some ppl on here do not understand the extremities of Op’s addiction. She is STILL stalking him. In the past, Op HAS acted on her addiction without caring much about who would get hurt. I’m concerned about the fact that op has acted on her addiction once before by sleeping with Jason. If she can do it once, what are the chances that she won’t do it again?

 

This is how I know you haven't read the whole thread ^. She has begged him to do it again after the first time and even before the first time. It's not a matter of HE will get around to it. It's her that won't quit, not him that still wants to cheat.

[LoverOfDance]

Preraph, I was actually one of the first people to reply about a year ago when Op created her very first thread. I have followed every chapter of this story and believe it or not, I have actually said prayers for Op even though I don’t know her.

 

I remember focusing on the wife in my advice to her. This whole situation is wrong mainly BECAUSE the wife has been wronged and also because this addiction is very unhealthy for the Op.

 

Why don’t people realize that this whole situation is what it is right now BECAUSE of human selfishness. The more you carry on keeping this secret and hiding it, the more you encourage your own selfishness. Let’s not forget the kind of damage a secret like this can do to a person’s soul.

 

Anyways, this was a shot in the dark. I know that Op is unfortunately too terrified and will likely never speak up so let’s all just sit back and watch this unfold. There’s nothing any of us can really do but talk anyways.

[preraph]

She didn't keep the secret. She blabbed to everybody and acted suspicious enough around the wife that anyone with eyes could see she's after him.

[LoverOfDance]

Preraph, the wife does NOT know. She is the person who has been wronged here and if she doesn’t know that she was betrayed, the secret is still very much a secret.

[preraph]

You don't know that. Small town gossip and the way she acts around him and made up excuses to be around and let him use her like a go-for. Any woman with half a brain would have had her antennae up on her this whole time. And then she probably caught wind of it.

[Maddie82]

I suspect the wife already knows something (due to op spreading that gossip), but she still married him and has had a married life with him for over a year. Nothing can be gained from op popping up spouting off about it, AGAIN. OP will just end up even more hurt. She needs to detach, not involve herself in their marriage. We know though that she actually never wants to get over him. She wants to spend the rest of her life obsessing and wallowing about him.

Edited September 30, 2019 by Maddie82