Someone I went to high school with

[mortensorchid]

I found out this week that a gal I went to high school with died in February. She had a long history of mental illness and addictions. In a nutshell, here's what happened to her ...

 

She married a guy she knew for a few weeks, their marriage lasted barely a year. He was abusive and they had certain cultural differences (she was an American white woman trying to be a Muslim, he was a Muslim from Pakistan). Once their divorce was final, she moved to California to attend UC Davis to pursue a PhD. Things went from bad to worse out there. We'd talk every few months, she was clearly abusing alcohol and other drugs (prescriptions). One time she told me she got thrown into jail for it. She was at a party, she and some guy had a fight and he threw a glass of wine in her face. She stormed out and the police pick her up and threw her in jail. I asked what for, she said her eyes were all bloodshot and they smelled the wine on her so they thought she was drunk, when she wasn't. Do I believe that? No. I don't care if the man's been a cop for 20 years or 20 minutes, they know drunk when they see it. And if that wasn't enough, I said the way for her to keep up with me is to friend me on Facebook and she refused. She said that would take away from her chances of meeting men. I was annoyed with that. Nevermind all the geography between me and her, I would never attempt to steal someone's man from them. Maybe some guy sees me online and thinks I am cute, but that doesn't mean they are going to break up with their wife / gf for me or anyone else.

 

She came back to our hometown rather abruptly. She answered an ad on Craig's List for a roommate and moves in with some guy. She's there for a few days and then something happened between her and him, he beats her up, and throws her out of the house. In her words she was on the street for a few days, then gets a hold of her father who lives here and he flies her back with nothing but the clothes on her back. She reached out to me because she was back in our hometown and now wanted me to network her into my circles. I had no part of it. That was about 7 or 8 years ago.

 

I got a copy of a newsletter from my high school announcing news of what people are up to, and read in the death section that she died in February at age 46 of a pulmonary embolism. I think she spent time on the street because she was only sober for an hour or two everyday and was probably paying for the drugs or alcohol with sex. In some ways I feel bad that I didn't try to help her, but I think she was beyond help. I didn't want to get in the middle of her shenanigans, and it was too little, too late on her part.

 

I hope she's resting in peace now.

[Happy Lemming]

Many years ago, I worked with a guy that had a part time job at a treatment center for drug addicts. He told me that his center had a 4% success rate. (They defined success as staying clean 1 year after treatment.) I asked him what happens to the other 96%... in a very matter of fact tone, he said "They die". I guess I really didn't realize the depth of drug addiction and how some people don't hit "rock bottom" until death.

 

I'm sorry for your friend, but she is not alone. Many addicts die from drug/alcohol abuse.

 

No need to feel bad, there was nothing you could have done for her.

[divegrl]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

 

It sounds as if she had a very hard life. May she now Rest In Peace.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend.

[alphamale]

why were you friends with this woman?

[bathtub-row]

I have/had a friend very similar to this and her life is currently in such shambles that I don’t see her ever pulling out of it. I fully expect to hear one day that she died or killed herself. She calls me periodically or writes some nonsense on Facebook trying to get my attention but it’s very difficult to maintain relationships with people like this because they’re impossible to talk to because you can’t get on their level and they can’t get on yours.

 

Honestly, I think death is the rest your friend needed, but it’s always sad to hear about something like this. I’m sorry.

[mark clemson]

FWIW, Mortensorchid I had a high school friend who ended up in and out of prison. I believe by his early 20's he realized he didn't have the life skills to make it on the outside, so every time they let him out he'd just do something ridiculous, e.g. stealing a car and booze and joyriding but not really avoiding the police. So, they'd catch him and put him right back in.

 

He used to try to get in touch with me (and would even call my parents' house and leave messages after I moved away). But even before the end of college (in late HS and college I had my own less severe issues) I saw this guy as a risk. No interest in reminiscing "those days" with someone that unpredictable. Shrapnel from the bombs he drops on himself might wound me as well.