Working with exMM hurting so much and feel so needy!

[Amethyst68]

I'm not downplaying the husband's anger or behavior but I do think it's telling that the OP's concern when first posting here was that her MM would not text her when he returned to work. There was no fear of her BH, absolutely no hesitation about continuing the affair, I was going to say jumping back into but I'm not sure it every stopped. In fact there was no fear of any consequences of being caught again for dday2.

 

It was not until her actions were questioned that she brought up her husband's actions, which are inexcusable and I am glad he immediately sought help but I can't help but think the OP is reacting to other posters and in the meantime her affair is forgotten.

 

I do not condone domestic violence and always advocate for anyone, be it man, woman or child to seek help in an abusive situation. I have helped people leave dangerous situations in the past so please don't think I'm dismissing the DV incident. As I said I'm glad it's getting dealt with promptly.

[mark clemson]

@Amethyst - fair enough + think that's great that you've helped folks to escape abusive situations.

[Beendaredonedat]

 

 

I want to make a go of it with my husband and know that as long as I am still in touch it is not giving it 100%.

I am not sure if we will survive this but I owe it to him since he has given me a chance.

If you want to make a go of it with your husband then you will need to leave your job for another if that is what it takes to get you through the withdrawl pain of losing your drug of choice called "married man." Zero contact and time will rehab you much more quickly then continuing on in the narrative you are telling yourself about not being able to stand the pain. Well, you were fine before your started up with MM and you will be just fine when he's no longer dazzling you with his science.

 

You and your husband should seriously consider marital counseling if you want to keep your marriage together. Just rehabbing from MM and doing nothing to get the emotional connection back that you and your husband once shared, very likely isn't going to cut it.

 

So: Put the focus on you and your husband and your marriage and take it off the turd you are on about here. He's no catch and stolen moments together do not make it "love" its lust and infatuation and that soon wanes when life gets in the way.

 

The week of D Day my husband attended his counselor and was referred to a 28 week intense anger management/ relationship violence course which includes one to one and group sessions for 2 hours every week so we are both hoping this helps as I know I should not and cannot accept that behavior.

... and what are you doing to better yourself and improve your personal boundaries and self-worth so that you won't need to get your self worth from the administerings of a MM? Edited May 27, 2019 by Beendaredonedat
Added.

[conflictednhurting]

... and what are you doing to better yourself and improve your personal boundaries and self-worth so that you won't need to get your self worth from the administerings of a MM?

 

Thank you for your advice.

I am in counselling weekly

[pepperbird]

.

Thank you for your advice.

I am in counselling weekly

 

That's good. I do hope it helps your sort out a clear path ahead.

 

btw, I think it's courageous of you to attend counseling and face your demons. Not everyone has that much backbone.