I asked my wife if she was happy

[somanymistakes]

It just seems sometimes that my wife is the only woman who actually likes her husband. You keep hearing all over the place how miserable married women are and I wonder how she is the exception.

 

Why do you keep repeating this no matter how many times everyone tells you it's crazy and not true?

 

Honestly, I have NEVER heard ANYONE before you suggest that all women are miserable in marriages.

 

I have definitely heard people say that about men though!

 

Do you think that this means that every man except you hates being married?

[snowcones]

A woman I know said that deep down all married women are unhappy and that men make women miserable and no woman truly wants to stay married and it just got to me so I asked my wife directly.

 

Pay NO attention to when people say stuff like this!

 

A remember a while ago this guy I know said to me "No man wants to get married they just do it because they have to". At first this shook me, because someone I was dating was talking about marriage with me. Then I realized that that guy was just loveless and bitter and people always think that their experience is everyone elses when it's not. He's mostly speaking for himself and it feels so real to him that it MUST be everyone elses experience too. It's not.

 

 

It just seems sometimes that my wife is the only woman who actually likes her husband. You keep hearing all over the place how miserable married women are and I wonder how she is the exception. Are there are any other women who would be with their husband than not? She also seemed a little annoyed that I would even question if she wanted to be here.

 

 

Well the one good thing about women is they will tell you if they have a complaint or if something is wrong. Now men tend to ignore that to their own demise, but women WILL tell you if something is wrong. It's your choice to listen or blow her off or pretend those words were not uttered. Even those women who have cheated on their man or divorced him complained beforehand. They were ignored. If your wife has no complaints then she is probably truly happy. Enjoy it. If there's one thing women are good at, it's bytching.

Edited May 27, 2019 by snowcones

[littleblackheart]

It just seems sometimes that my wife is the only woman who actually likes her husband.

 

It's ok to want to seek validation from your wife, but I don't know what is gained from casting this dark spell of doom on other marriages. If you genuinely think the above, my guess is that you are not really socialising with a lot of functional couples, because they are literally everywhere.

 

The truth is that you are but one of very many well matched couples, not an exception, and that's a good thing!

[Timshel]

It just seems sometimes that my wife is the only woman who actually likes her husband. You keep hearing all over the place how miserable married women are and I wonder how she is the exception. Are there are any other women who would be with their husband than not? She also seemed a little annoyed that I would even question if she wanted to be here.

 

Married woman here and true fact that we met here. In hindsight, I wish we had met a different way but that is done and dust and we never would have, who knows.

My husband, who some of you have engaged with on the board (including you Woggle) before we met is someone I liked without meeting first. This was a first experience for me, I have never done online dating and beside LS, no social media.

Ok, so I said all of that to say this; I love my husband.

 

I definitely do not agree with all of his thoughts/opinions but we discuss and learn from each other. This dissonance in our relationship is fulfilling. The most difficult part of our relationship has been the very place that we met.

It's one thing to disagree and discuss privately; but navigating it on this forum has been challenging to say the least. I do not share his opinions on every post and neither does he with my own.

 

Woggle, I know divorced people and I have to admit that not one I can think of is content. The married people I know (who outnumber the divorced) are doing very well. They are not fighting, complaining, being ugly towards each other or other people...on the contrary. All seems pretty, pretty, pretty good. lol

 

Good that your wife and yourself are on the same page except being on ls together or maybe you are...Mrs. Woggle.

[Woggle]

I fixate on this because one of my number one fears is my wife blindsiding me with wanting a divorce. I fear becoming one of those guys.

[JuneL]

I fixate on this because one of my number one fears is my wife blindsiding me with wanting a divorce. I fear becoming one of those guys.

 

If you’re so insecure, do you think your wife would tell you the truth even if she was unhappy? I hate to rain on your parade, but it seems that you still have a lot of unresolved issues deep down regarding women. I was totally caught off guard when you accused those who didn’t share your opinion of having an agenda against men in another thread yesterday.

[littleblackheart]

From a rational standpoint, it sounds like she couldn't really blindside you even if she tried since it seems to be on your mind a lot.

 

Honestly, it's not such an abnormal thing; fear of abandonment actually happens quite a lot with people who have had a dysfunctional past.

 

Instead of undermining other people's marriages or doubting other people's happiness, maybe you should seriously consider dealing with this fear once and for all?

 

Your wife has already proven to you she's staying with you on her own volition through words and deeds, so why not just trust that she is telling you the truth, and accept that there is nothing you can do about things you have no control over anyway?

 

Choose hope over fear, always.

[Timshel]

If your wife left you, you are still a whole person. You have always been a whole person.

 

I was thinking today about a fortress I would build, in my head, like surviving the walking dead...random. How to build the perfect fortress. I won't give trade secrets away but at the end of that thought was; that's not why you are here, you know, on earth, to build a fortress.

[basil67]

It just seems sometimes that my wife is the only woman who actually likes her husband. You keep hearing all over the place how miserable married women are and I wonder how she is the exception.

 

You know how you see this frequently and I never see it, could it be because you're hypersensitive and see snippets that wouldn't catch my eye? I'm really worried that you're feeding your insecurities with the words of fringe dwellers. Not trying to pick a fight - I'm genuinely concerned for you. You seem like a really sensible and well balanced guy and I do struggle to reconcile this with your base distrust of women.

[Timshel]

As much as I dislike thinking of myself as a 'fringe dweller,' I agree with basil.

 

Good to know though.

[Woggle]

You know how you see this frequently and I never see it, could it be because you're hypersensitive and see snippets that wouldn't catch my eye? I'm really worried that you're feeding your insecurities with the words of fringe dwellers. Not trying to pick a fight - I'm genuinely concerned for you. You seem like a really sensible and well balanced guy and I do struggle to reconcile this with your base distrust of women.

 

It's probably confirmation bias and I can admit it these days which really shows far I have come. There were times in the past where I came extremely close to divorcing my wife over misandrist comments I read on a Daily Mail article. This women I was talking to told me wife is not nearly as happy as I think she is and that every married woman she knows has some level of resentment against her husband. My wife says this woman is a liar and just wants to spread her misery around since her soon to be ex finally grew a pair and she needs somebody to blame.

 

My wife is the type to bring up an issue and then we settle it like adults rather then stewing in resentment so I honestly do believe if she were unhappy she would say so.

 

For the married women on here if you could do it all over again would you?

[bathtub-row]

I’m with your wife. If I’m unhappy with the person I’m with, I let them know about it by having a sensible conversation and giving them a chance to change things. If that doesn’t work, I’m gone.

 

You must be a good husband. That’s something to really be proud of because men like you are few and far between.

[basil67]

Your wife sounds like a very sensible woman who loves you.

 

If I had my life over, would I do it again? Absolutely. And this time there'd be easier access to photos to record all the good stuff. I wouldn't trade my husband for all the world.

[Woggle]

We both told this woman to stop calling us, get some counseling and move on with her life. If she can't see how she destroyed her marriage then she is delusional. Everybody in recovery has the occasional relapse and that is what happened with me.

[d0nnivain]

Woogle

I know more people who are unhappy as singles then married.

 

My husband is a great guy & I am quite content in our marriage. Yeah sure there is room for improvement but that's part of life.

 

On your end, don't assume your wife is unhappy. Do check in with each other at least once a year about what's working & what's not. DH & I often set the same goal: to be better about housekeeping & to routinely review our finances. We never do either of those things routinely but those failures do not make us unhappy.

 

Besides you & your wife either just got off a cruise or are about to embark on one. What's to be unhappy about?

[JuneL]

Your wife sounds like a very strong woman. I wonder if you often have Freudian slips of your misogyny thoughts, and how your wife manages to handle them.

[loversquarrel]

I fixate on this because one of my number one fears is my wife blindsiding me with wanting a divorce. I fear becoming one of those guys.

 

There are worse things in life to be blindsided by. Divorces don't come out of the blue, In some cases they take years to happen.

 

Many men and women feel this way about marriage but certainly not all. It is not gender exclusive.

[BettyDraper]

It's probably confirmation bias and I can admit it these days which really shows far I have come. There were times in the past where I came extremely close to divorcing my wife over misandrist comments I read on a Daily Mail article. This women I was talking to told me wife is not nearly as happy as I think she is and that every married woman she knows has some level of resentment against her husband. My wife says this woman is a liar and just wants to spread her misery around since her soon to be ex finally grew a pair and she needs somebody to blame.

 

My wife is the type to bring up an issue and then we settle it like adults rather then stewing in resentment so I honestly do believe if she were unhappy she would say so.

 

For the married women on here if you could do it all over again would you?

 

Absolutely. I would marry my husband again because that man has taught me so much about love. He helped me learn to trust. He made me believe that a happy marriage is possible.

 

My husband and I communicate about any issue that arises between us. We have polite and respectful discussions. It took us a long time to learn this because I grew up in a home where screaming was the norm and so did my husband.

[Woggle]

We are leaving for a cruise this friday and we we will have a great trip. She knows about the trust issues I have had and knows how hard I have worked to get past them. At the end of the day I shouldn't have let somebody who revels in her trust issues and wears them like a badge of honor get to me like that. If she hates marriage so much why is she asking me to get her husband back for her?

 

Like my wife said she waited until she was close to 40 to marry and it wasn't for lack of suitors so best believe she is happy with me.

[Woggle]

It's funny how we talk about my trust issues with women but back in the day I was called sexist for trusting a woman. When my ex cheated on me I was told that because of my male ego I just assumed a woman would be faithful. I worked hard to get over those issues but gender war stuff can sometimes be a trigger which is why I try to stay away.

[JuneL]

I just read one of your older threads and realized you were estranged from your late mother, who was a men hater. How ironic her son became a women hater. I hope you have been undergoing intensive therapy.

[Woggle]

I admit I used to hate women but I don't these days. I don't feel that they should be mistreated, abused, treated like second class citizens or controlled. I think that men and women deserve to be treated equally. That being said I refuse to have the kind of self hatred that was instilled in me and I will resist any attempt to make men apologize for being born a man. Women shouldn't apologize for being a woman either.

[BettyDraper]

I just read one of your older threads and realized you were estranged from your late mother, who was a men hater. How ironic her son became a women hater. I hope you have been undergoing intensive therapy.

 

Woggle has moved on from those days. He's just having a moment of doubt. No need to throw the past in his face.

[Woggle]

In those days I would have been on here talking about wanting to divorce my wife which I won't do. I will never be like one of those incel, mgtow types you see on twitter. Them and the extreme twitter feminists are two sides to the same coin. Both of them would easily have the opposite under their boot and subjugated if they could and I feel no human being should be treated like that. I might have issues that I work hard on and I sometimes let gender stuff get to me a little too much but I would never want to treat anybody like that.

[Woggle]

I know I need to stop seeing misandrists everywhere. The ones you see on social media and message boards represent a very small portion of women just like incels and MGTOW represent a very small portion of men.