Guy hasn't reached out since getting home from vacation

[Candygirl1414]

I've been seeing this guy for about 5 weeks, we've slept together twice. Everything has been going good I've met his friends, and before he left for vacation he brought me for dinner with to meet his best friend. He is gone for 2 weeks and texted me when he arrived and briefly the next day but it's been 5 days now and nothing. I don't want to text him because I believe when your the one on vacation you should initiate when and how much you want to have contact with ppl back home, so I don't want to bug or disturb him. I wasnt even expecting to hear from him at all for the 2 weeks but when he texted when arrived and seemed chatty I got hopeful that he would keep in touch a few times.I know being on vacation changes communication rules but since this is the longest we haven't spoken I'm afraid maybe it will lose the momentum of things going well or maybe something has changed..thoughts??

[d0nnivain]

Send him a text the day after he gets back saying welcome home & that you'd like to take him out for a drink to celebrate his safe return. Until then go back to having low expectations. You can send him one saying hope you are having fun if you like but I wouldn't do more than that.

[Redhead14]

It would be nice if he did reach out while on vacation, but I don't think it should be used against him. You're only dating, you've been seeing him for 5 weeks so it seems fairly solid in terms of interest level. I don't think you should be picking apart all the "little things". There's still time, he may yet reach out anyway. You're kinda looking for boyfriend behavior when you've only been seeing each other for a short time.

 

Be busy with your life while he's gone so you have some fun, noteworthy, interesting things to report when he gets back too.

[PinkPampies]

You just said you weren’t expecting communication and he shouldn’t be bugged during his vacation. Consider it a bonus unexpected surprise that he let you know he arrived. When he gets back, resume your dating.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Its strange for sure. I'm not saying you have be texting 24/7. Sending a text a day isn't that difficult. My partner went on vacation a few months into us dating (yes we were exclusive). Despite not having much access to cell phone reception, he texted me every time he was able to. I may be a minority, but from experience vacation shouldn't give a free pass for no communication.

[h0000]

Personally Id have expectations to receive something every 3 days or so. Otherwise i'd feel his interest level is low.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Well, you're not his girlfriend. He's not obligated to make regular contact, especially if he's on vacation.

[Curiousroxy86]

I'm afraid maybe it will lose the momentum of things going well or maybe something has changed..thoughts??

 

this is not up to you. especially if your in the not my exclusive boyfriend yet stage. I want you to understand....it CAN happen. he could stop contacting you. there. no need to be afraid.

 

now that we know this could happen. also know there is nothing you can do or could have done to stop it. there. no need to worry.

 

try to change your perspective from "I hope he contacts me" to "if he wants me (and he should) he would get in contact with me. if I dont hear from him then I dont want a man like that anyway". and then go do something fun.

 

the problem with this scenario is yall had sex twice and your probably only focusing on him and I bet yall not even exclusive

 

I dont recommend women get into these type of dynamics to begin with. I would only focus on a guy and have sex with him if we both agreed that we are exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend. and if thats the case then the answer to your issue would be different. if he is your boyfriend then not contacting you even if he is on vacation wouldn't be acceptable. but if he is not even your boyfriend well you have no say in whatever he does or doesnt do. so if he is not your boyfriend and you are in this unfortunate dynamic of focusing on him and is not comfortable with multi dating especially after having sex twice well all you can do is manage the anxieties that is created out of your own doing as best you can.

[Lotsgoingon]

He may not be ready to settle down yet ... Sounds like he doesn't quite realize that if you've been seeing someone seriously for five weeks, the other person likely will reach out.

 

As far as not contacting him ... not sure about that ... after all, you are troubled right now ... so at some point you'll need to find out what was up ... Most likely he's just a little immature ... and since you aren't contacting him, he figures you're fine with not being contacted.

 

You don't REALLY believe people should be left alone on vacations --or else you wouldn't have written this post, you would not be so confused and off balance.

 

I'd send him a greeting ... either he'll respond with warmth and your nerves will be calmed ... or not ... and you'll know what you need to talk about immediately upon his return.

[Candygirl1414]

Following up to an earlier post I made. I have been seeing a for a month and a half, we've slept together twice and I've met his friends. He left for vacation for two weeks and I heard from him when he arrived there, once a week later and then I texted him a few days before he came back which he responded too and I ended right away saying have a good trip so as not to take up his time. He's been back two days now and I haven't heard anything. I know there's jet lag and all that but should I take this as a bad sign? Or do you think he's waiting for me to reach out? I just expected he'd let me know when he was back since everything was going good before he left and he did make the effort to reach out during his trip but I'm kind of getting antsy now with no contact.

[frus69]

He is lukewarm at best, and it's up to you to decide whether this lukewarm is good enough for you.

[alphamale]

let him contact you. if you don't hear from him in a few more days then you can text/call him to see whats up

[Highndry]

If I was in such a new relationship with a woman and she went out of town, then didn't contact me when she got back I certainly wouldn't be contacting her. I'd move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

You could try getting in touch to see if he'd like to grab a drink, but I personally don't think his interest level is all that high.

 

I would keep your expectations low unless and until he shows you he is as into this as you are.

[Gaeta]

Don't contact him.

 

Let him settle down, you did say there is a jet lag involved.

 

I think it's normal he takes a couple of days to sleep it off, get his groceries and laundry done. If I'd get back from a 2 weeks vacations I would need time to settle in and not in the frame of mind to reassure a not-boyfriend yet.

 

 

 

Also, you've dated 5 weeks and he was gone 2, that means he was gone the equivalent of half your relationship. Things are not just gonna fall back into a routine, you didn't have a routine.

 

 

 

Let him wonder about you, let him get back in dating mode. You cannot force him into it.

[The Outlaw]

He could just be busy, but let him contact you first since you. Too much contact can make you seem needy/clingy, even if you don't mean it that way.

[kendahke]

Following up to an earlier post I made. I have been seeing a for a month and a half, we've slept together twice and I've met his friends. He left for vacation for two weeks and I heard from him when he arrived there, once a week later and then I texted him a few days before he came back which he responded too and I ended right away saying have a good trip so as not to take up his time. He's been back two days now and I haven't heard anything. I know there's jet lag and all that but should I take this as a bad sign? Or do you think he's waiting for me to reach out?.

 

He could be flakey... he could be jet lagged and sick... he could have met someone while on vacation and he's starving your interest...

I just expected

One thing I would say is to rein in your expectation---expectations are future resentments under construction, especially with someone you really don't know.

Give him a week then CALL him and see what's up. If he doesn't call you by next Sunday, then he's checked out of this and moved on. Be a good idea for you to do the same.

[Whodatdog]

Dont contact him. If you were on his mind even a teeny bit, he'd have contacted you by now.

 

Dont go chasing someone who shows little interest. Never ends up good.

[greymatter]

It sounds like low interest, not the jet lag. I just came back from a trip last weekend and there was a 9-hour time difference. I still went to work the next day, and my partner and I were very much in touch (granted, we took the trip together and we are very solid but if I had traveled alone, I definitely would have been in touch). In other words, jet lag doesn't come into play when one person is really into another. Don't contact him.

[Iris The Butterfly]

I agree with GreyMatter. It's not jet lag, it's not a relationship, if he was interested he'd be very eager to set up the next time to be together or while on vacation would want to keep in contact more frequently to be sure you didn't slip away, etc. Yes, while on vacation it's more difficult to keep in contact but if someone was dying to see you and be with you again trust me they would make the effort. I would take the fact that he's been back for two days and not contacting you that he isn't really interested, and do not contact him.

To make a comparison, when I was dating my boyfriend for 1.5 months or so, he went on vacation for 4 days and he wanted to spend as much time as possible before he left, didn't know what he would do without me for "4 whole days!" While he was gone he called me daily in addition to texting throughout the day. Before he came home he asked to see me the following day after he returned, he had jet lag too. I didn't have to check in with him to see if he was back, or how his trip was going. He was the one who kept the connection and set up the next time to be together, because he was interested in me.

 

I dated a guy for several months last year who went on a two week vacation. Beforehand, he didn't really want to see me as much, and when he left on his trip I never heard from him again. I didn't contact him either. That was it. I figured when he was back from his international trip surely he would be in touch, but he never was. The lack of communication before and during his trip showed me he was no longer interested and I chose to move on.

Edited May 29, 2019 by littlebridge

[smackie9]

Candygirl you are over invested in this guy.

[stillafool]

If he were interested he wouldn't be able to wait to see you. I've never had a bf leave town and not want to see me first when he returns. Don't contact him again OP wait and see if he contacts you.

[elaine567]

A man who was truly interested in you would be dying to catch up and make plans to see you...

...end of.

 

The only fly in the ointment here as regards that theory is this

then I texted him a few days before he came back which he responded too and I ended right away saying have a good trip so as not to take up his time

Why on earth did you do that?

He may have taken that as an indication that YOU had lost interest...

[Redhead14]

If he were interested he wouldn't be able to wait to see you. I've never had a bf leave town and not want to see me first when he returns. Don't contact him again OP wait and see if he contacts you.

 

 

He's not her boyfriend. They've only been seeing each other for a month and a half including 2 weeks of vacation . . . so really only a month. Don't expect a guy you've been dating for a short time to act like a boyfriend. Yeah, it would be a nice sign if he reached out right away, but let it ride for a bit. If he takes a week to reach out though, I probably wouldn't answer.

[Iris The Butterfly]

If he were interested he wouldn't be able to wait to see you. I've never had a bf leave town and not want to see me first when he returns. Don't contact him again OP wait and see if he contacts you.

 

Any person who doesn't do this ^^^^ does not want to be and is not your boyfriend. Dating someone for a month or so does not mean a relationship or boyfriend unless that was explicitly communicated, which it wasn't. A "boyfriend" would never do this.

 

OP-he's not interested and he's most likely not going to contact you. I would not "wait and see" if he does. He's back from vacation and if he was going to he surely would have by now. This happened to me last year after dating 5 months and it hurt like hell so I get it. If I were you I would just do your best to pick yourself up and move on and forget this guy. Easier said than done I know.

Edited May 29, 2019 by littlebridge