Break up

[Omaha402]

Hi Guys- So I had been seeing a girl for about 10 months.. and we never really had "the talk" until about a month ago and made it official. Delayed for sure. After figuring everything out and finally telling each other what we wanted.. she dumps me three days later. It originally sounded like she wanted to reconcile.. but then something switched yesterday. Needless to say we are not getting back together anytime soon. I tried letting it end amicably.. but after she and I talked I found out she is seeing my friend, and apparently had been for the last two months. (found out not through her.) Do I call her out for this and that I know? Or do I just let this one lie and move on. Also do I say anything to him? Hes a real piece of **** but was always to other people, not me. My heart wants me to rage.. but my head says to take the high road and move on. Any input would be great.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry. You got a double whammy betrayal here, your EX-GF & your buddy. Yuck.

 

I would not go out of my way to confront either. venting your spleen won't change anything. Just walk away with your pride in tact. They betrayed you.

 

When their romance inevitably ends, do not embrace the buddy back in your life easily. You know he can't be trusted -- both through what you have seen him do to others & now to you. Your life is better without "friends" like him.

[Omaha402]

appreciate the insight

[Omaha402]

if i do hear from either or them.. do I just ignore it? Kid just texted me today, holdin back the anger. I assume you essentially go NC on both parties?

[ExpatInItaly]

if i do hear from either or them.. do I just ignore it? Kid just texted me today, holdin back the anger. I assume you essentially go NC on both parties?

 

I would let him know that you are aware of what has happened, and you don't want to fight about it so it's best that he doesn't contact you anymore. Period.

 

Then block.

 

This guy isn't your friend. I am sorry this has happened to you.

[mejustme]

Definitely a hard pill to swollen. I know me and it would eat me up to no end. But I think it’s best for you to walk away. Good luck, sorry you’re going through this.

[Omaha402]

yeah its definitely eating away at me.. you want to so badly call them out and try to make them feel some sort of guilt, going to definitely try to resist that impulse and accept we won't be reconciling.

[The Outlaw]

Cut them both out of your life for keeps. No exceptions. Their actions have spoken louder than any word ever could.

[Beachead]

Hey Omaha402,

 

I'm sorry this happened to you man. That guy is a snake and that girl is a waste of time. You are better without either of them in your life. As crappy as it feels, be glad you saw their colours.

 

I'd likely go with ExpatinItaly's advice, simply because I know my future self would be glad I said something. Even if it changes nothing, for my own conscious, it'll make me feel like I said my peace. For that reason, I'd let him know you know and that you wish for him not to contact you again. Block the both of them off of your social media and delete their numbers.

 

Now, if you feel like you can do without that and it's not necessary, then I'd take Donnivain's advice, say nothing, keep your pride intact, block and delete and move forward with your life.

 

Either route is understandable and justified.

 

- Beach

[Omaha402]

yeah I get that, as dumb as it sounds id rather leave it with her that things ended with me still trying and her giving up.. not with a fight about something that won't actually change anything in the end. Maybe the guilt will stay with them both more if I don't say anything then if I allow them a chance to defend themselves. I wonder if the reason things didnt work out is because she was already doing this when we finally talked.. so while she originally agreed the guilt then made her not want to continue? Not sure why I'm giving them any benefit of the doubt. Thanks again for your guys support.

[preraph]

This was already going on, I'm sure.

 

I lost a bf and a good friend at the same time, and you're handling it a LOT better than me, trust me. I was so mad I wanted to throw her down the stairs because she knew or should have known what that would do to me. He hadn't known me long, but I was very hurt about him too. Ended up working with him and it was torture, but in the end I am somewhat friends with him now decades later, but I never slept with him again after that day. I gave it six weeks to be sure I didn't run off an old friend on a temper tantrum, but at the end of it I talked to her and figured out where she was coming from, told her we were toxic to each other and said goodbye forever. I don't regret it. Don't keep someone around after they betray you IF they truly should have an understanding of how it would affect you because they know you that well.

 

They'll do it again.

 

Just move on. Get rid of both of them. Whether you make a scene is strictly up to what will make you feel better, but don't do anything in hopes of winning her back because she is a weasel and not worth it. I'd cut her completely out since you don't know her that long and if you really aren't all that close to that guy, I'd just block him as well.

[Omaha402]

yeah part of me just wants to know like when it began.. as she blamed a lot of the ending all on me.. when obviously now in retrospect it seems like that really wasn't the case. holding strong to the pride and not asking it. they dont deserve my time or mental energy.

[d0nnivain]

Just set your own truth in your mind: they started before you & she ended. They are both untrustworthy people of low integrity & you are better off without either of them.

 

Forward march . . to healing plus bigger & better.

[Redhead14]

Don't do a thing. Block and delete her and him. Drama never comes off well and whatever you intend to say or do never goes the way you think it will in your head.

[Beachead]

yeah part of me just wants to know like when it began.. as she blamed a lot of the ending all on me.. when obviously now in retrospect it seems like that really wasn't the case. holding strong to the pride and not asking it. they dont deserve my time or mental energy.

 

A few questions.

 

1.Were you two physically intimate in those 10 months?

2. What were some of the things she was blaming you for? Did she mention any of it in the 10 months you two were talking?

Edited May 29, 2019 by Beachead

[BC1980]

It's always really tempting to want to confront someone who hurt you, but it's a bad idea here. You can't make them feel guilty, and they probably won't care. Just cut them both out of your life.

[Omaha402]

Beached- Yeah extremely intimate.. hangouts / dates / sex 3-4 times a week.

Blame wise- sort of eveyrthing.. she never brought up any of the problems until our last talk and we told each other our needs.. and then then 3 day later decided it was too late.

 

agreed with everyone though, time to cut them both out. Plus this was a good place to get it off chest. Thanks again.

Edited May 29, 2019 by Omaha402

[preraph]

Sorry that happened to you. You're better off with neither. Glad you found out what she was like before you married her or she got pregnant. Dodged a bullet. I know it doesn't feel that way, but you did.

[Beachead]

Beached- Yeah extremely intimate.. hangouts / dates / sex 3-4 times a week.

Blame wise- sort of eveyrthing.. she never brought up any of the problems until our last talk and we told each other our needs.. and then then 3 day later decided it was too late.

 

agreed with everyone though, time to cut them both out. Plus this was a good place to get it off chest. Thanks again.

 

Yea, she's a waste of time and completely full of sh*t.

 

If she had problems, she should have brought them up in the 10 months you two were together instead of not mentioning a thing and then using it as a weapon to attack you before leaving at the end. You know what kind of person does something like this? The kind that knows they've done someone wrong, feels guilty for it but is too weak and cowardly to own up to it. So, to clear their conscious and justify their unjustifiable actions and behaviour, they psych themselves up, get angry, blame you and walk away believing their own bullsh*t. It's the coping mechanism of a weak person. In her case, a coward.

 

If she was a keeper, she'd talk it out with you. People who are serious and invested won't risk losing you. They are about solutions and forward momentum. They won't go behind your back, playing the field and most certainly wouldn't be playing it with your sorry excuse for a friend.

 

If you were in a relationship with her, make no mistake, she'd handle all the relationship problems this way. It would never be her fault because it would always be yours.

 

You are not to blame. Don't think for a second that you are. She led you on. F*ck the both of them.

 

If you find you're having a hard time putting your thoughts together or if you get weak, drop your thoughts on your thread. Also feel free to pm me.

 

- Beach

Edited May 29, 2019 by Beachead

[theguy123]

hey this is omaha.. my damn username won't work for some reason so had to make a new one. I have been struggling with this a bit still.. is it giving them a cop out by not calling them out for what was going on?

 

for some dumb reason my brain is still tuned to trying and get her back..

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Why would you want someone who treats you like that back?

Stay strong and keep NC.

Post here instead.

[Marc878]

If you want to call your xfriend the snake out on this. That's fine. just cool calm and collected.

 

Block both of them on everything after. This isn't a debate.

 

Don't waste anymore of your time.

 

Now for the maturing part. There are people in this world that are deceitful and low class. You cut them off permanently. That's all that's needed. Done

[theguy123]

yeah I know. I have removed them and have maintained NC... I guess im just still really struggling with the what ifs. Like what if I had just told her how I felt sooner.. or what if I had had that talk sooner...and all sorts of scenarios. Like Im still blaming myself for letting it get to this point, even though I dont think its all on me.

[theguy123]

just posting on here to maintain nc.. still have part of me wanting to go "win her back" as she claimed it was lack of affection. SO naturally the brain says.. well go tell her how you feel and show her. Rather then doing that.. I'm posting here. Im sure she's getting plenty of affection from the new guy.

[Redhead14]

just posting on here to maintain nc.. still have part of me wanting to go "win her back" as she claimed it was lack of affection. SO naturally the brain says.. well go tell her how you feel and show her. Rather then doing that.. I'm posting here. Im sure she's getting plenty of affection from the new guy.

 

Don't worry about the new guy . . . he's just the guy after you. Pretty soon he'll be the guy before the next one Sounds to me like she's a monkey-brancher and, since she claimed lack of affection (which was just the usually cooling down after honeymoon period and the chase) I'd say, she gets bored with relationships and sets up the next one a keeps in waiting, so to speak.