PhoenixRising8 Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Pot meet kettle. It's amazing how hypocritical a cheater can be. My xMM didn't want me to date because he didn't want to share, because he's monogamous (rofl) but when I said I was sharing in his mind I wasn't because he wasn't sleeping with his wife for a few years before me. They see faults in others but not themselves. Easier said that done but consider yourself having dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 (edited) If it brings you any comfort, this plays out often on these boards. Men do this to women all the time - they are more than happy to cheat with a woman but when they are free and clear of their marriage or even just over time, they decide that they want a woman who they feel they can trust and respect, more than an affair partner. It is most definitely a case of pot, meet kettle. She is kidding herself if she thinks she has “better moral character” than you. This is another example of how people can rationalize almost anything... I’m sorry, consider this a life lesson. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. Time to look for someone else to date - someone single. Edited September 10, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 op, It may be hard to believe, but taking time away from the affair is one of the smartest things you could have done. If you don't mind a piece of advice, stop spending so much mental energy on her and start working on your own life. Also, don't fall into the trap of trying to figure out why she cheated. The truth is it doesn't matter. You'll get your mind stuck on that hamster wheel. The truth? She cheated because she wanted to and felt it was acceptable behavior for her. For whatever reason, she felt it was okay to step outside her marriage. You can waste a bunch of time and energy trying to figure her out, but in the end, does it really matter? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 The irony would no doubt be more amusing if it wasn't hurting you emotionally. Suggest you hold her to her word. This is a great opportunity to walk away from this and towards someone you can actually have without all the inherent problems. You say you see her at work. I would get my desk moved so you don't have to see her as much anymore. Not sure where you are physically, but consider that it might come out at work that you and she had a relationship. For example, she may decide to tell her husband out of guilt. He may then insist that she mention it to your boss to get you in trouble. Stranger things have happened. In the US, in many companies, this could lead to getting laid off, esp. if one of you supervises the other. At any rate, seriously consider if you want to change jobs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 op, I know it may not sound like much, but this woman did you a huge favour. She let you see who she really is. Tale her at her word. DO NOT make excuses for her. She didn't cheat because of her husband, she didn't cheat because she was lonely, she didn't cheat because she was bored. She cheated because she wanted to. That is who she is. I don't go for the maxim of "once a cheater, always a cheater", as people can and do change. The thing is for that to happen, it takes a lot of work, and one has to accept responsibility for their own choices and actions. She never did any of that. She simply straddled the fence, enjoying the fruit from both gardens. Now she sees you as some sort of shady character? Better to leave her in the dustbin of your life. A fond memory maybe, and a cautionary tale for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 If it brings you any comfort, this plays out often on these boards. Men do this to women all the time - they are more than happy to cheat with a woman but when they are free and clear of their marriage or even just over time, they decide that they want a woman who they feel they can trust and respect, more than an affair partner. It is most definitely a case of pot, meet kettle. She is kidding herself if she thinks she has “better moral character” than you. This is another example of how people can rationalize almost anything... I’m sorry, consider this a life lesson. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. Time to look for someone else to date - someone single. No, married cheaters do this all the time. Truth is, and I told him at the start of this MW dont leave either slightly higher then MM. OP I'm afraid this 8s likely what she felt the whole time the affair was ongoing. She never intended on leaving and never viewed you as a long term possibility. Time to look out for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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