I was very disappointed that she made me wait....

[Bryan]

I've known this girl for about two weeks and she seemed like a decent person, except for last Friday. On that night I had called her at 9:30PM since we were supposed to meet later on. At that time she was just going out with a friend (as she had told me earlier on)for awhile and said that she'd call me back in a few minutes. Well, a few minutes had passed and no call...I ended up calling her a few times, but she had already left.... After an hour of waiting there still wasn't any call from her....So, I decided to go out to a movie by myself rather staying home alone and bored. Well, she eventually said that she did call me at 11:30pm and tried for five times after that....but I was still out....

 

What bothered me is that I was waiting for her call and felt that she was wasting my time, especially since she said that she would call back in a few minutes. When we did speak about this situation she said that she didn't remember saying "a few minutes", but rather saying "later" instead. But she knew I was at home and would be expecting her call....Basically I was disappointed because I couldn't see why she would wait until 2 hours later to call me back about going out. I could have planned something else. Anyhow, she has apologised many times for being late in calling and said that I am really important to her. She said that she doesn't want me to think that I'm not important and that she won't be careless like that again.

 

Am I being too stubborn with my disappointment? Should I just put this behind me now as she knows that I didn't like her behavior that night? It was quite surprising to me that she was like this on that night since up until then she had been very nice and polite. Now it seems she's trying to make it up to me for Friday night....What should I do?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Am I being too stubborn with my disappointment?"

 

Not only are you being too stubborn but you are being ridiculous, petty, cry-babyish and borderline neurotic. This was a clear misunderstanding from the get-go. My GAWD, the girl has apologized profusely and from your post it sounds like she is truly sorry.

 

I hope she doesn't find out what a whiner you are or she will dump you like a hot potato. This girl sounds extremely nice because many of them wouldn't care how you felt and wouldn't even apologize.

 

YOU ALSO ASK: "Should I just put this behind me now as she knows that I didn't like her behavior that night?"

 

First of all, let's get something straight. There was a misunderstanding. You are headed for a life of deep anguish if you think human beings are on this planet to read your mind constantly and move their every bone in order to keep from upseting you. I am certain she did not do this intentionally.

 

If this had happened to me, I would have enjoyed reading a book until she called. Maybe I would have watched a little TV or surfed the Internet. If she hadn't called at all that night and then called the next day and apologized with a good excuse, I would have been absolutely fine with that. You were already on notice that she was doing something with a friend. It wasn't like you were totally up in the air.

 

NOW, THIS IS THE CATCH: She is now clear that this sort of thing upsets you. So if she EVER does it again, you can simply write her off if you don't want to accept her excuse or apology...never see her again. But from now on YOU take some responsibility, not only for making sure BOTH OF YOU understand when calls will be made...but take some responsibility for your own happiness and don't blame others not calling for your boredom or lack of things to do.

 

If you feel you are spoiled or have too high expectations of others, see a therapist...and this is no joke. You need to work this issue out because if you are like this all the time you are headed for a life of pure hell because people are NOT as perfect as you seem to want them to be.

[Mr.MoJoe]

I've known this for about two weeks and she seemed like a decent person, except for last Friday. On that night I had called her at 9:30PM since we were supposed to meet later on. At that time she was just going out with a friend (as she had told me earlier on)for awhile and said that she'd call me back in a few minutes. Well, a few minutes had passed and no call...I ended up calling her a few times, but she had already left.... After an hour of waiting there still wasn't any call from her....So, I decided to go out to a movie by myself rather staying home alone and bored. Well, she eventually said that she did call me at 11:30pm and tried for five times after that....but I was still out....

 

What bothered me is that I was waiting for her call and felt that she was wasting my time, especially since she said that she would call back in a few minutes. When we did speak about this situation she said that she didn't remember saying "a few minutes", but rather saying "later" instead. But she knew I was at home and would be expecting her call....Basically I was disappointed because I couldn't see why she would wait until 2 hours later to call me back about going out. I could have planned something else. Anyhow, she has apologised many times for being late in calling and said that I am really important to her. She said that she doesn't want me to think that I'm not important and that she won't be careless like that again. Am I being too stubborn with my disappointment? Should I just put this behind me now as she knows that I didn't like her behavior that night? It was quite surprising to me that she was like this on that night since up until then she had been very nice and polite. Now it seems she's trying to make it up to me for Friday night....What should I do?

[Laurynn]

You've only known her for a couple of weeks...not in a serious relationship. She owes you nothing, to be quite honest.

 

"At that time she was just going out with a friend

(as she had told me earlier on)for awhile and said that she'd call me back in a few minutes. Well, a few minutes had passed and no call...I ended up calling her a few times, but she had already left...."

You seem very impatient. If someone told me they were going to call "in a few minutes" and a few minutes passed and they hadn't yet called, I certainly wouldn't get my knickers in a twist. For your own dating future, you have to learn to cool your jets. You don't want to come across as overly anxious, desperate, potential stalker material. These qualities are a HUGE turn-off.

 

I don't advocate 'playing games' but sometimes it's best to play things cool when you're getting to know someone...don't make yourself sooo available. Set a time limit for yourself and stick to it! eg)....someone says they'll call at 3pm.....an hour later, they still haven't called.....go out, don't be there when they DO call......be a bit of a challenge. You don't want a gal to think you just sit there by the phone, right?

 

I somehow doubt she did say she'd call you back "in a few minutes"..if she said she was going out for "awhile" with her friend, I doubt she meant she'd only be gone a "few minutes"..so how could she have called you back that quickly?

 

You need to chill out a bit. Relax. Don't make mountains out of molehills. Put this behind you, let it go. It's not the end of the world. If you continue to see each other, and it becomes a pattern that she says she'll call/get together, and she doesn't....THEN examine the situation more carefully, and decide if you're willing to put up with that...but honestly, let this go.

 

Maybe you don't have much experience dating and you're not sure how things go.....that's okay...but just remember, stay cool and never let 'em see ya sweat! :-)

 

L

[WGirl]

You could give her one more chance if you are still up for it. If she does it again, ditch her.

I've known this girl for about two weeks and she seemed like a decent person, except for last Friday. On that night I had called her at 9:30PM since we were supposed to meet later on. At that time she was just going out with a friend (as she had told me earlier on)for awhile and said that she'd call me back in a few minutes. Well, a few minutes had passed and no call...I ended up calling her a few times, but she had already left.... After an hour of waiting there still wasn't any call from her....So, I decided to go out to a movie by myself rather staying home alone and bored. Well, she eventually said that she did call me at 11:30pm and tried for five times after that....but I was still out....

 

What bothered me is that I was waiting for her call and felt that she was wasting my time, especially since she said that she would call back in a few minutes. When we did speak about this situation she said that she didn't remember saying "a few minutes", but rather saying "later" instead. But she knew I was at home and would be expecting her call....Basically I was disappointed because I couldn't see why she would wait until 2 hours later to call me back about going out. I could have planned something else. Anyhow, she has apologised many times for being late in calling and said that I am really important to her. She said that she doesn't want me to think that I'm not important and that she won't be careless like that again. Am I being too stubborn with my disappointment? Should I just put this behind me now as she knows that I didn't like her behavior that night? It was quite surprising to me that she was like this on that night since up until then she had been very nice and polite. Now it seems she's trying to make it up to me for Friday night....What should I do?