ohso Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 I have people I consider friends, but the problem is that they never reach out to me first, and they never invite me to hang out with them. I always have to be the one who initiates things, otherwise we wouldn't even be in contact. I am confused because they still always say yes to my invitations. So, are we friends or what do they see me as? Also, another problem I have is when I invite them, they say yes, but they don't confirm that we are actually meeting. When I later ask them is our deal still on, they say they have something else in mind, and ask me can we meet some other time, on which I agree, but they never reach out to me that next time. Why are they like this? If they don't want to see me why don't they just ignore my messages? Also, if they don't want to see me why do they see me eventually? Do they pity me or it's hard for them to say no? Or they don't see me as priority but only as the last option? Or are they asocial? I am embarrassed to ask them. I tried to cut them off because of their behaviour, but after a long time has passed on without us seeing each other, they did reach out to ask to see me. Any thoughts on what we are and what should I do? What to they even want? Link to post Share on other sites
charliefrog Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 No problem, You invite to hang for some days and then they will be inviting you first soon. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 Stop inviting them to do things and just wait for them to invite you. I would suggest getting more friends so you aren't just depending on one group. Everyone is busy with their own lives so I'm sure they aren't trying to hurt you. You guys are friends, acquaintances but not really good friends. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 I understand the feeling of always initiating first, but it takes two to make any type of relationship work. You may want to find new friends that will hang with you and won't bail at the last second. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 yes it can be a frustrating one this, a lot of people are simply wrapped up in their own lives and it is not really a reflection on you if they are not jumping for your company shall we say, that being said it is no help to you if your looking for people to meet up with, I am getting a bit of joy at the moment from joining a few clubs and where they have these whatsapp groups, then you put out a group text, does anyone fancy a game this evening, and usually there may be one or two takers, Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 I have people I consider friends, but the problem is that they never reach out to me first, and they never invite me to hang out with them. I always have to be the one who initiates things, otherwise we wouldn't even be in contact. I am confused because they still always say yes to my invitations. So, are we friends or what do they see me as? Also, another problem I have is when I invite them, they say yes, but they don't confirm that we are actually meeting. When I later ask them is our deal still on, they say they have something else in mind, and ask me can we meet some other time, on which I agree, but they never reach out to me that next time. Why are they like this? If they don't want to see me why don't they just ignore my messages? Also, if they don't want to see me why do they see me eventually? Do they pity me or it's hard for them to say no? Or they don't see me as priority but only as the last option? Or are they asocial? I am embarrassed to ask them. I tried to cut them off because of their behaviour, but after a long time has passed on without us seeing each other, they did reach out to ask to see me. Any thoughts on what we are and what should I do? What to they even want? These people are not your friends! Actually they do you more harm then good. They use you as a convenience and you feel down because they flake out on your plans. I have learned people like that are better left alone and ignored. I had a group of them like that before and it really hurt me. They just didn't care. One person told me she would meet me before class and actually never showed up! This was many weeks in a row as well. It worked for her because I stupidly gave her answers for the online tests. I knew they weren't antisocial because I would stumble upon pictures of them hanging out (while telling me they were busy) of them all together w/out me. Link to post Share on other sites
Fekenaws Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 This sounds like how "being friends with an ex" usually plays out. Not sure if that's the situation, but in the past when I tried to "be friends" with an ex, the dumpee had to do all the heavy lifting to make it work for what was ultimately a watered-down relationship. That's not friendship imo Link to post Share on other sites
Tagalz Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 I’ve been there and experienced this. The difference between is would be that when I was the one who was inviting they never invited me back so my father said that it would most likely not work in a friendship and told me to find new friends. Sometimes they have other priorities in life and sometimes they are just not interested in making friend for whatever the reason can be. As in your case you should invite ONLY the people who invited you BACK. And you take it from there. If they invite you, then return the favour and if they don’t invite you next time then wait. If you have waited long enough then just forget them. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 I have a friend like that. Very frustrating. I did wait her out once and it took her six months to miss me. We had been going to lunch about once a month. Now she has a boyfriend (we're old ladies) and she NEVER misses me. Oh, well. I still check on her to see how she's doing every 3 months or so. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 So many people are insincere, including with friends. They often promise to do things or go places and don't really mean it or change their minds. It is BS, put bluntly. If you think these friends are worth it, then save them but don't count on them. If their conversation and companionship is worth salvaging, then keep them, otherwise, don't call much. I have had friends who rarely call to do something with me (they call only to talk) partly because they are married and I have to initiate everything. I hesitate now. They will say they are too busy, or go out, and want to go home quickly or even say they never got my call. Link to post Share on other sites
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