SpinScratch Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 I've been seeing a woman for a year and a half. We started out having a lot of sex, which was great, and spending a lot of time together. At this point we havent had sex in a year, but we have developed a very close and intimate relationship. We are very much in love, and I would easily decide to spend the rest of my life with her if it wasn't for the absence of sex. I think she's very attractive, but I just can't find that animal instinct to have sex with her. For the past few months, we have been finding sex elsewhere while continuing our unique relationship... this has caused some issues, she isn't really happy with it. I wish I could wave a magic wand and just be able to have sex with her, but I can't. I feel like we are too close and intimate for sex, if that makes any sense. I've been talking to another woman, who is both beautiful inside and out. And it's about to reach a point where I am going to have to choose which road to go down. Very soon. I would much rather be with the first girl. I want to just tell her to move in with me, and only be about each other... but I can't imagine that working without sex. I wish there was something i could do to fix it. I just get on top of her and then in the middle of it I'm like.... I can't do this with you. Not sure what my question is... Any thoughts before I give up? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Se a therapist about your issue first. Find out what is wrong, so you can either fix it or eliminate the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 (edited) Yes it is not a problem I would have, I think the stronger emotional connection you have and love for the girl then the sex will also be better, a mate of mine did have this problem with this wife though, he said his wife was lovely sweet and innocent and so on, but he just did not want to have sex with her,he wanted a "dirty girl" in the bed who he had no real feelings for, they split up and have now got back together but he has always struggled with it though, he loves her but can they live with a sexless marriage. personally Id stick with the first girl, try to re-ignite the sex somehow, perhaps go for a couples massage or something, a third party with skills in the area may be able to unlock whatever spark you are missing. Edited June 3, 2019 by Foxhall Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 I think we click sexually with some people more than others. My gut is that she is not the right partner. I mean, if you can't even have sex with her that's not the woman for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 Sounds like a bit of a tough situation. Ultimately you need to decide what's right for you... but you need to work out how important sex in a relationship is. A year is a VERY long time to be in a relationship with someone without sex - it's a problem many frustrated long-term partners seem to have, but two-thirds of the relationship term without sex (considering it's been a year, and you've been together 1.5 years)? Most people wouldn't last that long. Would you consider you might be better off going back to a friendship? Because this sounds more like that than an intimate relationship (just from what I can see - albeit a very close friendship). You haven't said much about the second woman - do you feel you're compatible? I'm assuming you're more attracted to her physically (otherwise the answer would be a lot clearer), but do you see it evolving into a relationship that you really want with more regular sex? As I mentioned before, is regular sex something you need in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 Doesn't sound like neither of these women are compatible for you. If one was, choosing would be easy, plus you would already be moving forward w/one of them. I just find it to be unkind holding onto both of them while not wanting either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emeraldgreen Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 What, or who, stopped with sex with the first woman? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 What, or who, stopped with sex with the first woman? That was my question. Is it that you have the classic "two incomes and LTR" syndrome or something else? Link to post Share on other sites
malaiyas Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 Please read up on Madonna-whore complex and then let us know if that strikes a chord with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpinScratch Posted June 4, 2019 Author Share Posted June 4, 2019 What, or who, stopped with sex with the first woman? The sex was great at first. We did it 4 times the first night. After a few weeks, I quickly lost sexual interest in her, but we really enjoyed hanging out with each other and doing things. I tried to make the sex thing work, I would take viagra just to get it up with her. But even with that, I would just pull out of her and tell her i couldn't do it. That is a major disappointment, for both me and her. She still wants to have sex with me, but I just can't get into her like that. I've been able to have sex with other women with no problem. And as far as the Madonna-Whore complex, Yes, I found that the other day and it does actually fit my situation... but knowing that doesn't really offer any solution. Please read up on Madonna-whore complex and then let us know if that strikes a chord with you. And as far as the Madonna-Whore complex, Yes, I found that the other day and it does actually fit my situation... but knowing that doesn't really offer any solution. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 I feel like we are too close and intimate for sex, if that makes any sense. Well this feeling makes sense if you have got some deeper issues and blocks. I second the recommendation to go to therapy. It's not normal that feeling intimate with someone blocks the sexual drive. You may well have some Madonna-Whore splitting going on. But could be other issues. Has this loss of sexual interest happened to you befor? It's one thing not to feel animal passion for someone--it's totally another thing to not be able to have sex with that person. Definitely this is a sign of underlying issues. Therapy brother ... Get there! My guess: won't even take that long for you to sort this out with a good therapist. And the problem with choosing woman #2 is that if you don't understand what's going on with woman #1, the same issue could easily occur later with woman #2. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iris The Butterfly Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 I think we click sexually with some people more than others. My gut is that she is not the right partner. I mean, if you can't even have sex with her that's not the woman for you. Right. You love her but as just a friend. I would say break up so you can find that passion and romance with someone else. Your relationship is platonic at this point and you’re not attracted to her sexually anymore. I don’t see any reason why you would continue having a “romantic” relationship without sex. It’s called a friendship. You’re already pursuing other women, so break the ties with the first woman. Link to post Share on other sites
malaiyas Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 And as far as the Madonna-Whore complex, Yes, I found that the other day and it does actually fit my situation... but knowing that doesn't really offer any solution. It's not meant to offer a solution, it's meant to offer a place to start. You can't begin the work required to fix the problem if you don't know what it is. Not addressing this means that in the future, you might see this same exact scenario play out with every woman you come to respect and care about. I'm fairly certain from your posts that you don't want that. I agree that therapy is a fantastic idea. Link to post Share on other sites
emeraldgreen Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 So, other dudes banging her in every hole available doesn't bother you or fire up insane jealousy? If not, you have a friend, and sooner or later, she's gonna jump ship for someone who gives her the complete package (pun intended). And that dude isn't gonna make room for you in her life. Likewise, other girls aren't going to want her in the picture satisfying your emotional needs either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpinScratch Posted June 5, 2019 Author Share Posted June 5, 2019 So, other dudes banging her in every hole available doesn't bother you or fire up insane jealousy? If not, you have a friend, and sooner or later, she's gonna jump ship for someone who gives her the complete package (pun intended). And that dude isn't gonna make room for you in her life. Likewise, other girls aren't going to want her in the picture satisfying your emotional needs either. No it does not get me jealous in the least bit. When I was younger that would burn me alive, but nowadays it means nothing to me. But yeah... thats the answer. It's not gonna work. It kills me to admit that. She is so much more than a friend. I feel like I'm going to die without her. But life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
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