I feel hurt by him and everyone around him.

[Angelwings792]

I met a guy back in 2014. I was instantly attracted to him because he was handsome and charming to me. I was young (23), naive, and a virgin. As months passed I fell harder for him. And yes lost my virginity to him. I was head over heels. I was warned that he was a player.

 

In 2015 I caught him fooling around with some girl and he gloated about it. He is cocky and arrogant. To give you insight to his personality, he sings Latin music and wants to be famous really bad. Like REALLY bad. I've even seen him practicing his autograph. But he is not humble. He lies to make himself look better all the time. I am a dancer and he constantly put me down saying I coudnt do it. Anyway we broke up and he lied to our friends and his family about why. Saying we only had sex and I couldn't let go. Anything to make him look better. I should've never looked back then but my heart wasnt listening to my brain. I didnt speak to him for months. One day he sweet talked me and apologized and reeled me back in.

 

I wont rehash all of the years so I'll just jump into 2018. His family in Costa Rica got sick. So I helped his mother and stepfather purchase a ticket over there. They were nice to me and I thought he and I were great. He would shower me with love and tell me how much he loves things about me but "never wanted to admit it". Tell me he wants to be with me long term.

 

When his family returned, they were cold. I could tell they used me. They were kinda of obvious about it. Like they didnt say they did but they didnt try to be nice a little longer to hide it. I would try everything to make us work. But he would always say we cant work because we have too much history. Or say that i dont cook or clean when we dont live together. I was devastated. Some weeks he would talk to me and beg to see me other weeks it was like we were strangers.

 

He started to go live alot on social media singing his songs. I would see girls throw themselves at him. I'd never seen anything like it before. Girls shamelessly throwing themselves at a guy on a live video. One girl in particular stood out to me . She was like his number one fan. She turned in every night he went live. She made passes at him. It was hard for me to watch. He was hurting me so badly and I'm watching women invite him into their pants and he enjoyed it. He loves attention.

 

One day I went to lunch with a mutual friend. He said things like hes told him he should be with me and not to hurt me. He even logged into my ex's facebook to show me his messages. He had women who watched his live videos offering to drive 9 hours to have sex with him. Like older women with adult children. And also sending him naked pics. The friend would say " why would u want to be with him"

 

A few weeks later I caught him with that number one fan I was telling you about. He said to me he never loved me, never wanted to be with me and I'm obsessed with him. I was hurt and asked if his family knew about her and he said yes. Which hurt more. That his family hates me. Idk why I didn't do anything to them. This was this year.

 

Now I see videos of him and our mutual "friends" hanging out with him and his new girl. It hurts. Even the "friend" who showed me his Facebook inbox. And I seen that girl in his music videos half naked with her friends. I blocked his mother a few days ago on Facebook because she posted a pic saying "my son in law my daughter in law and my grandkids" it was in espanol and I hate to use facebook translator so I'm not 100% sure that's what it said and i couldn't see ththe pic because we aren't Facebook friends. But it gave me enough anxiety to prompt me to block her, him, the rest of his family, the new girl and also any mutual friends we had.

 

I know I'm better off because hes caused me so much pain. I know we wont ever be together. I just cant stop feeling the betrayal from my old friends and his family. Its like I just wish people felt remorse fofor treating people like crap! Ive stopped myself from viewing his facebook. The anxiety haunts me however. I always picture his mom or someone posting that hes marrying or having kids with this new girl. The betrayal I've gotten from everyone makes me think that way. But I'm trying to get better and block it out. I just wish this was easier.

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry you are hurting but hopefully this experience taught you to recognize players, learn not to trust them & to dump cheaters as soon as you discover them being unfaithful.

[vla1120]

I am sorry you are in pain. The best thing you could have done was to block him, his family, friends - everyone. It will hurt for some time, but imagine the pain you would have continually endured if you stayed with him. You are much better off. You will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated (when you are ready....)

[preraph]

I'm really sorry you gave this guy the benefit of the doubt and let him take your money. Don't EVER do that again. He is a user. He never gave you any tangible reason to think he really cared. Like a lot of men, he was mainly just after sex. Now he's getting a touch of fame, he will be doing nothing but having sex with every woman he can for at least the next 10 years. Trust me, I know because I know musicians. They may or may not get sick of easy variety sex at some point, but it won't be until they're getting old and tired if then. Some never do.

 

He is not worth your love. He never did commit to you or even tell you he loved you in a serious way. He was never serious. He just used you and he's about to use all these other women too. So don't be mad at them. It's him who is just a user.

 

You deserve better. Don't ever assume a guy loves you who isn't committed to you. Many just want sex and some want to use you financially or in other ways (he's trying to get you to do his housework already!) F that. Why would you want to do HIS housework? He doesn't deserve that kind of special favor.

 

You need to block this jerk where he can't find you and play you for more money or when he gets drunk and lonely and horny some night. You need to close him out of your life entirely and not respond to him at all. He is a BAD person. And you can't change him. No one can change a man like that. So stop thinking you can love him into loving you and treating you right. Trust me, that is NEVER going to happen. The more you give him that he doesn't deserve, the more he'll know he can just take from you. Block everyone he knows and especially his family too.

 

Find a nice man who doesn't use you or lie and cheat. Don't waste your time on losers!

[Angelwings792]

Thanks you guys. I'm so ready to be over this I wish i could go back and avoid him the day we met but I cant so.

I'm getting into new things. Like starting school and I have a dance audition in a few months.

I actually never want to see him again in my life. I

The paranoia and anxiety effects my daily life. Sometimes I cant do daily activities.

[Fekenaws]

I feel for you, but this is a valuable dating lesson you learned. It's just a shame you didn't learn it earlier in your life. Players/Sluts are the most dangerous individuals to get emotionally involved with. There is a reason why friends/family tend to warn each other when they know somebody is one of those types of people. It's not because they don't want you to get laid or because they're jealous an attractive person is giving you attention, it's because they know a player/slut will never change and they commit emotional terrorism.

[Angelwings792]

There is a reason why friends/family tend to warn each other when they know somebody is one of those types of people. It's not because they don't want you to get laid or because they're jealous an attractive person is giving you attention, it's because they know a player/slut will never change and they commit emotional terrorism.

 

Warning me is fine. But his family did not warn me they treated me as if I was not worthy of him and the friend that did warn me . Hangs out with him and his new girl and talks crap about me as well. So I mean no one really had good intentions. My mother doesnt say too much she only said that she doesnt hate him but knows i could do way better.

[Angelwings792]

There is a reason why friends/family tend to warn each other when they know somebody is one of those types of people. It's not because they don't want you to get laid or because they're jealous an attractive person is giving you attention, it's because they know a player/slut will never change and they commit emotional terrorism.

 

Warning me is fine. But his family did not warn me they treated me as if I was not worthy of him and the friend that did warn me ? Hangs out with him and his new girl and talks crap about me as well. So I mean no one really had good intentions. My mother doesnt say too much she only said that she doesnt hate him but knows i could do way better.

[stillafool]

Remember blood is thicker than water so his family was never going to take your side over his. If those were his friends first their loyalty is to him. Listen to people when they tell you a guy is a player and don't get involved. I imagine you know this now.

[Angelwings792]

Remember blood is thicker than water so his family was never going to take your side over his. If those were his friends first their loyalty is to him. Listen to people when they tell you a guy is a player and don't get involved. I imagine you know this now.

 

I do! And I understand what everyone is saying as far his family and friends however. I never really asked them to choose. I never argued with them or anything. It was kind of like them being rude to me while I'm around them. So I'm guessing he put things in their ear. But I hate it when people do that because if a person is still around why would you think he was being honest.

But I completely understand what you mean. It's just I never argued with anyone. When he started treating me mean .... so did they. In my family my mother would never allow my older brother to be disrespectful to any woman especially the way I was treated. And she certainly wouldn't join in. And treat someone mean when they're in her house. But my mother is very loving so idk. I just dont think them being family justified the treatment they gave me.

[The Outlaw]

Idiots like this who idolize attention won't go very far in life, and he's extremely far from EVER being marriage material. As much as it hurts, he did you a favor and you dodged a bullet. He isn't your problem anymore. He's an attention seeking moron and that's all he'll ever be.

[preraph]

Thanks you guys. I'm so ready to be over this I wish i could go back and avoid him the day we met but I cant so.

I'm getting into new things. Like starting school and I have a dance audition in a few months.

I actually never want to see him again in my life. I

The paranoia and anxiety effects my daily life. Sometimes I cant do daily activities.

 

It just takes a little time. Don't allow yourself to think of him all the time. When you think of something you miss about him, do this exercise: Then think about two bad things about him instead. This works. I had to do it. It keeps you from falling into denial that things weren't really that bad and realize they were and he was that bad. Stay busy, that's a great first start. Stay social. Put this guy behind you and watch for red flags in the future.

[crispytoast]

It just takes a little time. Don't allow yourself to think of him all the time. When you think of something you miss about him, do this exercise: Then think about two bad things about him instead. This works. I had to do it. It keeps you from falling into denial that things weren't really that bad and realize they were and he was that bad. Stay busy, that's a great first start. Stay social. Put this guy behind you and watch for red flags in the future.

I agree with this except for the think two bad things about him. Personally I think mindfulness is far more important. Instead when you think of him, take a deep breath (or five) and switch your focus away from him completely. Think about the good things you have in your life and express gratitude mentally and through action. Thinking about the bad things about him will just keep him stewing in your head.

 

And yes musicians can be pretty horrible. They aren't all like that but a lot are. I have lots of friends who are musicians and I love them but a lot of them I would never dream of introducing them to a potential partner. Now most of them have no problem attracting partners anyway, but the ones that are users tend to attract user women once they hit a certain level of fame. Funny how it works like that right?

Edited June 4, 2019 by crispytoast

[Angelwings792]

[quote=crispytoast;7803782

And yes musicians can be pretty horrible. They aren't all like that but a lot are. I have lots of friends who are musicians and I love them but a lot of them I would never dream of introducing them to a potential partner. Now most of them have no problem attracting partners anyway, but the ones that are users tend to attract user women once they hit a certain level of fame. Funny how it works like that right?

 

He hasn't really had much success. I'm not just saying that either. But the guys he hangs our with that help with his music and also they make music,.....they're pretty sleazy. One time of of his music friends asked me for money and to help him get a job because he couldn't make a fake high school diploma. I never gave him money but recommended a job where he doesnt need a diploma.

He doesn't hang out with "winners" if I'm making any sense. And I'm not just saying that because of what he did to me but he isnt surrounded by anyone that would encourage him to be a decent person.

[stillafool]

I do! And I understand what everyone is saying as far his family and friends however. I never really asked them to choose. I never argued with them or anything. It was kind of like them being rude to me while I'm around them. So I'm guessing he put things in their ear. But I hate it when people do that because if a person is still around why would you think he was being honest.

But I completely understand what you mean. It's just I never argued with anyone. When he started treating me mean .... so did they. In my family my mother would never allow my older brother to be disrespectful to any woman especially the way I was treated. And she certainly wouldn't join in. And treat someone mean when they're in her house. But my mother is very loving so idk. I just dont think them being family justified the treatment they gave me.

 

Are you saying they were rude to you when you were in the relationship? or rude to you now that the relationship is over? I'm sorry I'm a bit confused.

[Angelwings792]

Are you saying they were rude to you when you were in the relationship? or rude to you now that the relationship is over? I'm sorry I'm a bit confused.

 

They started to be rude to me once he started pushing me away. We were still together and I could tell he didnt want to be with me because he was hot and cold. He stopped inviting me over for family things because he said his mother didnt like me. And his stepdad like randomly blocked me onFacebook. I promise I NEVER did anything to those people. If he didnt want to be with me that's one thing but i felt like they wanted me to feel like an outcast. To know i wasnt wanted there. I was always nice to his family. They never tried to get to know me. Even one of his cousins would try and comfort me and told me he must've told them things about me. She told me I'd never be happy if i didnt leave that entire family behind.

[Angelwings792]

@stillafool so basically they were nice from up until the end of last year when he was about to break up with me.

[stillafool]

Were you two living together?

[stillafool]

He more than likely told them before he told you that he wasn't happy and was going to break up with you. That is why his family treated you as an outcast because they knew you were no longer going to be around. They only heard his side of the story and I'm sure he made himself out to be a perfect man to them and made you look like the bad one. Let them all go kick rocks!

[Angelwings792]

Were you two living together?

 

No hes always lived with his family. I used to have my own apartment but he didnt live there. I now live back home with my mother until I graduate school because it was breaking my pockets lol. I honestly doubt he'll move out from his mothers home anytime soon.

[stillafool]

He sounds like a Momma's Boy and that ain't good.

[Angelwings792]

He sounds like a Momma's Boy and that ain't good.

 

It's more than that to me because it's like he has everyone around him condoning everything he does. I mean unless he lives a complete lie

[Amethyst68]

This may seem like a random question but he wasn't in prison for statutory rape was he and is now on probation and on the sex offenders list? I'm just asking because there's another poster here who sounds like the young girl in your scenario, Emilyperkins I think.

[Angelwings792]

This may seem like a random question but he wasn't in prison for statutory rape was he and is now on probation and on the sex offenders list? I'm just asking because there's another poster here who sounds like the young girl in your scenario, Emilyperkins I think.

 

Hey. No he wasn't in prison ever. I wish he was though it would make getting over him easier.. what young girl? His new girl? Shes like 26? I THINK but because I asked someone who knows her. I'm 28. Do you mean me being too young? Hes my age lol

[Amethyst68]

No it's just that Emily's thread sounds like she could be his new girl with that one glaring exception. There are a few other differences now you've cleared up the ages but the similarities are amazing. The guy posts music on social media, the new girl was a fan and stated turning up for his live sessions, his family vilifies and hates his ex who is a dancer, the poster is really jealous of the ex.

 

I was wondering if you were the ex, just a strange coincidence lol.