He broke up with me and 2 weeks later he's already with someone else

[susyp]

Hi guys, need your help and advice.

 

I was in a relationship with this guy for 6 months. It was lovely in the beginning, but after a few months when the novelty wear off, he went from being this man courting me and planning dates to being VERY lazy, not planning anything, just wanting take-outs and chill, etc.

 

I was getting fed up so I asked him what's going on, because it felt he was taking me for granted and not making an effort anymore. I told him I want to go out on dates, do stuff together and also with our friends, etc.

 

Well he didn't like that I wasn't agreeing to his laziness and became distant. After a week he sent me a message saying I need a man who is there 100% for me and is not him, so better break up.

 

I was shocked by this, especially because I was going to travel alone for work the next day, he told me before he would take me to the airport and I ended up going on my own and feeling alone and miserable.

 

He stopped contacting me and didn't even care to ask if I arrived safe at my destination, etc. Nothing, just silence. This was hard to swallow after a few days eariler he was saying he loves me, etc.

 

When I came back home after a few days it was also hard because he said he would pick me up and of course he wasn't there.

 

I contacted him a few days later to tell him I'm leaving his stuff that was at my house with a common friend and he said ok. Then he contacted me a few days later saying he misses me and if we can meet.

 

We met and he didn't apologize for anything or said he wanted to be there 100% for me, nothing. But he wanted to get back together. I was in love with him so I agreed to give it a try again.

 

So after a week of coming back together, he was quickly back in his lazy ways, not making any effort. I felt so bad by this that I decided that the best thing is really to break up because I deserve better, so I did.

 

He was completely shocked by me breaking up, with his ego bruised. We stopped contacting each other, and 2 weeks later I was told by our common friend that he started a relationship with a new girl.

 

The friend also told me he's doing that to prove a point to me that he's moving on faster than me and that me breaking up didn't affect him much...

 

I just find all this so childish and ridiculous. So he breaks up with me and I was hurt and alone and still wanting to be with him, but I break up with him and 2 weeks later he's already with someone else?

 

Shouldn't he be trying to prove to me he wants to change and be the right man for me, instead of acting like a child and using another girl?

 

I think I'm learning who he really is by this and have deleted his number already and wish him well. I did see photos of them two together on Facebook and was quite shocking to be honest. Not long ago we were talking about our feelings to each other, and now is like nothing happened.

 

He's clearly not worth my time and affection, but I just find this attitude so ridiculous. Hope he'll happy with her.

Edited June 6, 2019 by susyp

[Fekenaws]

What you need to realize and accept is that he was "over" the relationship months before you "got the memo." You felt you were being taken for granted as the relationship went on, and that feeling was his interest beginning to fade, not just yours. You guys simply weren't compatible, 6 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Anything under a year I personally wouldn't even consider long term. I wouldn't assume he was cheating on you physically or anything like that, but this other girl was in the picture before you two split, and she was getting most of his emotional attention. That's usually the case when somebody moves on quick in my experience. Block him on social media, grieve, and then start rebuilding your life to move on.

[Highndry]

What answers are you looking for that you did not get in your first thread about this?

 

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/684254-he-already-new-relationship-after-we-broke-up-2-weeks-ago

[susyp]

What you need to realize and accept is that he was "over" the relationship months before you "got the memo." You felt you were being taken for granted as the relationship went on, and that feeling was his interest beginning to fade, not just yours. You guys simply weren't compatible, 6 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Anything under a year I personally wouldn't even consider long term. I wouldn't assume he was cheating on you physically or anything like that, but this other girl was in the picture before you two split, and she was getting most of his emotional attention. That's usually the case when somebody moves on quick in my experience. Block him on social media, grieve, and then start rebuilding your life to move on.

 

You are probably right. I felt I was trying for it to work, and he was just aloof and distant, and that even made me believe I was doing something wrong that was provoking his behaviour.

 

I just feel stupid now for being with him and trying, when he was already ligning up and focusing on another girl. Completely lack of integrity and honesty of him.

 

But on the other hand I'm glad I broke up myself in the end.

[susyp]

What answers are you looking for that you did not get in your first thread about this?

 

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/684254-he-already-new-relationship-after-we-broke-up-2-weeks-ago

 

I'm sorry, what other thread?

[Highndry]

I'm sorry, what other thread?

Haha, nice try. In this thread you say:

 

 

 

He was completely shocked by me breaking up, with his ego bruised. We stopped contacting each other, and 2 weeks later I was told by our common friend that he started a relationship with a new girl.

 

The friend also told me he's doing that to prove a point to me that he's moving on faster than me and that me breaking up didn't affect him much...

In your other thread under a different nickname you say:

 

 

 

Me and him have friends in common and my friend told me he’s very hurt by me breaking up and that he is with that new girl as a way to show to me he can move on faster than me.

Perhaps your proclivity to play games might have something to do with all of this?

[susyp]

Haha, nice try. In this thread you say:

 

 

 

In your other thread under a different nickname you say:

 

 

 

Perhaps your proclivity to play games might have something to do with all of this?

 

I’m not playing any games, I wrote several threads in regards to my situation over the past months and wanted to know which thread you were talking about.

 

My other account was suspended and I started a new one with a new name, but yes that other thread is mine and is me.

 

I am trying to move on but it’s been difficult and I still don’t understand some things.

[Orokotikki]

Riiiiiiggght. He even posted a link which showed which thread.

[susyp]

Riiiiiiggght. He even posted a link which showed which thread.

 

I only saw it after I asked which thread. You don't need to respond to my thread if you don't like it. I'm writing a new thread to ask for help because I'm genuinely hurt and finding it hard to move on.

Edited June 6, 2019 by susyp

[preraph]

Here's what happened. He was always lazy and not your type. In the beginning of dating, everyone is trying to be someone they're not to get the guy/girl. They cannot keep that up for longer than a couple of months and they revert back to being their true self. His true self is not someone you want.

 

When you contacted him, he thought, Aha, she is going to accept me for my true lazy self after all.

 

This is why you date, to get to know the person. It takes a couple of years to really know a person. In this case, you're lucky he showed you a bit of who he is not that far into it so you could leave.

 

People do not change for you! This is who he is comfortable being. Would it even be gratifying to know someone was just putting on an act for you?

 

He's not the guy for you and you both know it. He knew it before you even broke up. Who CARES who he's dating? Right now she's getting the fake him just like you did and in two months, she'll be getting the real him and dump his butt just like you did probably.

 

Stop contacting him. Move forward. He's a waste of time.

[Orokotikki]

I like it just fine. Although I don't see anything on that thread that would get it suspended TBH...

 

cross posted w/ preraph who is right on the head.

[susyp]

I was suspended because I was quoting the previous message several times when responding. It started with needing for moderation and then the name was suspended.

 

Now I know I can't quote the last previous message when responding.

[susyp]

Here's what happened. He was always lazy and not your type. In the beginning of dating, everyone is trying to be someone they're not to get the guy/girl. They cannot keep that up for longer than a couple of months and they revert back to being their true self. His true self is not someone you want....

 

Agree, thank you. I just saw a photo of both of them on a Facebook profile of a common friend and these feelings of hurt came back.

 

You're right, he's probably doing the same to her.

 

But I don't agree when you say "In the beginning of dating, everyone is trying to be someone they're not to get the guy/girl". Not everyone fakes it in the beginning. You might try to be nice and etc, but that's different than being someone you're not.

Edited June 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[preraph]

^ Not the long ones anyway. You can always take out the rest and just quote the name and the little bit you are referring to.

[stillafool]

 

Shouldn't he be trying to prove to me he wants to change and be the right man for me, instead of acting like a child and using another girl?

 

No! You broke up with him so he is free to do what he likes. Playing games like breaking up to make someone do what you want is childish. If you still wanted him you shouldn't have broken up but stated again what you want and expect from him as a bf. If he doesn't comply then it is on you to break up and not look back. How do you know he is truly using the new girl? He may like her very much.

 

 

 

He's clearly not worth my time and affection, but I just find this attitude so ridiculous. Hope he'll happy with her.

 

Well obviously this isn't true because you are using your time and energy on this thread about him when you should just move on at this point.

[preraph]

Agree, thank you. I just saw a photo of both of them on a Facebook profile of a common friend and these feelings of hurt came back.

 

You're right, he's probably doing the same to her.

 

But I don't agree when you say "In the beginning of dating, everyone is trying to be someone they're not to get the guy/girl". Not everyone fakes it in the beginning. You might try to be nice and etc, but that's different than being someone you're not.

 

He was though, wasn't he?

[ExpatInItaly]

Shouldn't he be trying to prove to me he wants to change and be the right man for me, instead of acting like a child and using another girl?

 

If he really wanted to be with you, sure.

 

But that's the crux of the issue: he doesn't really want to be with you.

 

His lack of effort in the relationship was a reflection of his fading interest. His ego might have been a bit banged up when you called it off the second time, but it's pretty clear he wasn't actually that bothered in making it work anymore. It seems he didn't want to be alone, necessarily, but he wasn't all that into you any longer either.

 

This relationship was going to end for good sooner or later anyway. Who he is with now isn't as important as the fact that he just doesn't have those feelings for you.

[Blanco]

I think the input you got in your other thread was sufficient, OP. There's no fast-tracking your healing process.

 

If your other account really was suspended, you should have noted as much in your OP here. That you present it as a completely new issue for this forum makes it look like you're hoping to get different answers than what you got in your first thread.

 

But to reiterate here, this guy wasn't feeling it. He disengaged long before you two were finished, which is why he was able to move on so quickly. I would say he was in the honeymoon phase and once that wore off for him, he didn't see any real future in the relationship, but hung around for a bit anyway.

[stillafool]

I’m not playing any games, I wrote several threads in regards to my situation over the past months and wanted to know which thread you were talking about.

 

My other account was suspended and I started a new one with a new name, but yes that other thread is mine and is me.

 

I am trying to move on but it’s been difficult and I still don’t understand some things.

 

Which things can we help you with?

[Blanco]

Also, as someone who's been in a somewhat similar situation, I think it's important for you to come to the acceptance that it doesn't really matter who he's with if he's not with you. There are millions of women out there and when this new relationship fails, he'll likely go find another one, not come back to you.