Sheba Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 My partner's ex wife asked him recently if he would like to go golfing with her and two of their sons. He said "no", very nicely by saying he was busy, but later admitted he was "sorely tempted" to go. There has been a lot of conflict the past few years between my partner and his ex, including court proceedings so he could have access visits with his youngest. The conflict is mainly resolved, thankfully. However, we have concluded that part of the problem is that his ex-wife has still has strong feelings for him. Recently, since the conflict is over, he has started talking to her again in a nice friendly way and I am certain she is delighted. My position is that my partner should be polite and cooperative to his ex, but that he should not go on outings with her. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 what about U going as well? I dont like the thought of them having outtings without U as if they were still a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 Could he have been "sorely tempted" because he still has feelings for her as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheba Posted September 25, 2005 Author Share Posted September 25, 2005 I don't like the idea of them having family outings, either. Barby, he claimed that he was "tempted" because he needs to stay on her good side so that he does not have to worry about her keeping his youngest away from him again. However, this does not make sense to me because we now have a court order that requires that she bring the child here every second week. I think that is a slippery slope, anyway - just how far would he go to stay on her good side? I don't understand why he can't just cultivate a relationship like I have with my ex - we are friendly and polite. We cooperate with each other in relation to the kids. I would never invite my ex to any outing with the kids and I, nor would he invite me. The only "outing" we have been on was too my son's "jr. high grad" evening and of course my partner came along too. Link to post Share on other sites
spiritual73 Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 I hate to say this but it sounds like your partner is still very much interested in his Ex......I mean here he is making excuses to you his new partner as to why he has to keep communication lines open with his Ex. With a court order, there is nothing she can do to hold the child away from his/her dad. So why the need for "FAMILY" time with an Ex if it's not neccessary. I think he's making lame excuses to chill with his Ex, and is showing no respect for you or your feelings. Maybe he needs to hear that it's not acceptable that they are hanging out if it really has nothing to do with the Child. Stop accepting his lame excuses and confront him about his feelings for her. I feel for you, and wouldn't want to be in your position. Just have respect for yourself, and don't be a doormat. GOOD LUCK..........Peace Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 I would be concerned about this. My partner's ex gf (mother of child) still has feeling for him. Several times I had to point out that his desire to not cause 'conflict' and therefore keep seeing his child (we're trying to get together enough cash to pay the legal costs for a court order), was actually resulting in her believing that there was a chance for them still. She read every nice word and action as a positive towards 'thier' relationship. When this resulted in her throwing herself at his feet again (6 months after they broke up) he realised I was right and has now adjusted his tone somewhat. He is still pleasant, and nice. But only to a point. We will not take her crap, her court threats, or abuse. And we will not bend to breaking point. We will not be held at ransom by her, and she is beginning to understand this. Is it nothing to do with our desire to be around his son, we of course want nothing more, but we can not have our entire lives held to ransom by her because she is still 'upset'. There were times I thought he was 'overly' nice and it concerned me. I understood that he wanted to ensure he saw his child, but at times felt he was it was too much. We've now seen what problems this can cause and have arrived at a place which is working.... for now! With a CO in place, there is absolutely no reason for him to be overly nice in order to see his child. He has the legal right too. I agree that he should continue being polite etc in order to not affect the children as much as possible.... but there's something more here..... Link to post Share on other sites
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