Free2be89 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 My best friend and I have been close pretty much since the moment we started hanging out 4 years ago. We're 5 years apart in age (he's younger and in his mid 20's) but we're very similar, and we've always just enjoyed each others company and spent a lot of time together as close friends. He's very attractive, and I've always had a crush on him, but kept it platonic for fear of messing up what we had. A year or so into our friendship, he came out as bisexual with a preference towards men. This actually brought us closer because he was now opening up to me about personal parts of his life that up until this point he had kept pretty hush hush; I became his best friend and confidant. He began to pursue interests in men, and I was truly happy for him even though deep down I still had feelings for him. A few months later, I began to date (some casual, some more serious). I could tell this immediately became something that my friend was less than thrilled about. He's never really liked any of the guys that I've dated, or rather the "idea" of the guys I was dating (most of them he never got around to meeting). He would constantly, make jokes about the fact that we were already "in a relationship" or that he was "already my boyfriend" so "what was I telling these new blokes?" When we would hang out together, he would ask me about the status of my current relationship, but awkwardly change the subject immediately afterwards. Hes always been very touchy feely with me, and I often catch him looking at me, looking away nervously when I catch his eye. A few months ago, I became single after a year long relationship and we moved in together as roommates. His flirtations and attention towards me have increased while his interest in pursuing his own dating life has pretty much come to a halt. I met his family from out of state when then came to help us move in, and he's talked about how much they consider me family already because they know how important I am to him. It's confusing to me because on one hand he acts like he has feelings for me that he doesn't want admit to, on the other hand I just assumed that since he was mostly attracted to men and rarely mentioned other women, we would always be platonic. But now it's becoming more apparent to me from his words and actions that our relationship might mean more to him than I thought it did. And now that we live together, I'm not sure how to proceed with the situation. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Well you did say he is bi so he probably likes you and men. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 We're 5 years apart in age (he's younger and in his mid 20's)... unfortunately people in their 20s really treat each other like sh*t. the biggest problem here for both of you is lack of experience 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Free2be89 Posted June 9, 2019 Author Share Posted June 9, 2019 Well you did say he is bi so he probably likes you and men. Hmm, Other people have said something similar. Without him just being open and honest it’s hard to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
gradh Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 It's confusing to me because on one hand he acts like he has feelings for me that he doesn't want admit to, on the other hand I just assumed that since he was mostly attracted to men and rarely mentioned other women, we would always be platonic. But now it's becoming more apparent to me from his words and actions that our relationship might mean more to him than I thought it did. And now that we live together, I'm not sure how to proceed with the situation. Any thoughts? It sounds to me like he does have feelings for you. He may want sex with men, but a relationship with women. The relationship between two men is conducted very differently than between a man and a women. I'd say he prefers the M/F style of relationships but he prefers sex with men over women. I see the potential here for you to get very, very hurt. I'd proceed with caution. For while he will be loving and caring, generous, fun etc with you, he will always want to go find a man to scratch his sexual itch. Can you live with that in a partner? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 I see the potential here for you to get very, very hurt. that's an understatement 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 (edited) .....I see the potential here for you to get very, very hurt. I'd proceed with caution. For while he will be loving and caring, generous, fun etc with you, he will always want to go find a man to scratch his sexual itch. Can you live with that in a partner? I've heard that a woman can't compete with the sex that men have together. OP I wouldn't go there if I were you. Edited July 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 One or both of you need to fall in love with someone else where the other person becomes like your best friend. That will take care of this awkwardness. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 This is why I would never knowingly get involved with someone who is bi. I'm sure they would always have a need for the other sex that being with me would not satisfy. Rather than get involved in a mixed-up situation, I would avoid it. The ground seems to have shifted slightly for you as you were anticipating a platonic relationship and yet this guy is showing signs of wanting you to himself and of jealousy. He may well want you to himself, but if he wants guys too, how would you feel about that? I'm sorry, but I feel you are heading for a mountain of pain with this guy. I'd advise moving out and keeping the friendship platonic and less involved. Spend less time with him. If he is not happy with that, be blunt and say you are not someone who would share a partner and he would inevitably want to meet men. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 He doesn't want commitment with you because he will always want men too, but he wanted to lock you down so you can't date. DON'T LET HIM! Date! He's going to see men on the sly and have sex and that's fine. Sounds like you're both young and don't need to be exclusive. If you have sex with him, use a condom and be careful. If he's still not touching you or trying to have sex, he's just selfish and jealous and possessive and has no right to be, so don't let him. Link to post Share on other sites
Silvia11 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 (edited) ....Any thoughts? I'm not sure but I suppose that he is always be attracted to men. Edited July 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Maybe you should stop shaving your legs and let your mustache fill in. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 This whole thing is a recipe for disaster. You shouldn't have moved in together. You are too attached which is causing awkwardness in relationships. You need to start giving each other some distance in order to allow yourselves the chance of an actual future with someone. Your crush stops you from doing this. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted July 5, 2019 Share Posted July 5, 2019 His bisexuality is irrelevant. You can be attracted to all kinds of people but only want a relationship with one specific person; just because you find some men and women hot doesn't mean you want to sleep with all of them. I would be more concerned with the age difference. Five years isn't a lot in the long run, but the maturity difference between 25 and 30 is huge, especially for men. You need to sit down and have an extremely un-sexy, wholly sober conversation about what is going on between you. I'm talking like a kitchen table chat at 3 PM on a Wednesday. His behavior might seem overly flirtatious or romantic, but you wouldn't be the first poster with a story about a roommate that acted completely in love only to pull back and say "no, that's not what I meant." But you won't know for sure until you talk. Let us know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 You didn’t make a move on him 4 years ago because you didn’t want to lose the friendship you had with him which was new at that time? So not a lot to lose back then? But 4 years later there is more to lose. So why are you now thinking about compromising that? He is bisexual with a preference sexually towards men. That will never change. He may prefer a traditional male female relationship wrt long term relationships and having kids etc . But he will still always desire male interaction. A bisexual can be faithful but not fulfilled within it. An open relationship is the only answer. Is he grooming you to be that understanding wife material? Maybe? Are you willing to be that? I doubt it. So have an upfront conversation with him , tell him how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 A bisexual can be faithful but not fulfilled within it. An open relationship is the only answer. This is absolutely false. Plenty of bisexual people are happily monogamous. Finding both sexes attractive does not have any bearing on sexual fidelity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 Just set boundaries and tell the guy not to act like your boyfriend. As simple as that. Now I know you’re attracted to him, but I highly doubt he has romantic interest in you, from what you wrote. Link to post Share on other sites
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