My fiancé cheated on me with a man

[Gemini93]

I am beside myself with grief. I am spiraling out of control. I am a heterosexual woman who has only been with men. I caught my fiancé in the midst of lie that revealed he had been cheating on me with a man. I am in a dark place and don’t know how I can or will overcome this. I am so hurt. We’ve been together since high school and I’ve known him since we were little kids. This is my life’s biggest betrayal and I can’t help but feeling guilt. He didn’t even say sorry or try make me stay.

 

I don’t know why I’m posting because I never do. I just can’t handle these emotions.

[FMW]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Just let your emotions out, don't try to block or ignore them. That's how you will work your way through this. You WILL overcome it with time.

 

Why do you feel guilt?

[preraph]

That's a terrible shock. You think you know someone. Thing is you have been together so long from so young, that neither of you really got to explore, and he found out he also likes men.

 

I guess it is best you break up and set him free. Look at it this way, though. You will be free too. You have no kids. You can start dating. Sorry this happened. Too bad he wasn't honest with you. That is the real dealbreaker here.

[ExpatInItaly]

I can’t help but feeling guilt. He didn’t even say sorry or try make me stay.

 

I say this with kindness, but he's right not to try to make you stay. That would be insincere and pointless, given the nature of his preferences. It might have helped your ego a bit but it wouldn't have led to anything good. It isn't what he wants, deep-down.

 

I do agree, though, that he at the very least should have apologized. He has behaved very dishonestly and disrespectfully. The apology may come later once he's processed the shock of his secret getting out, but I am not sure I would hold your breath for that.

 

Do you have family and friends nearby that you lean on now? And why do you feel guilty?

Edited June 8, 2019 by ExpatInItaly

[emeraldgreen]

He's obviously been harbouring the secret sexual attraction for quite some time, so I recognise that's gotta be tough on his part. But, exploring it in a cheating situation is something you absolutely should feel ripped off about.

 

I'm glad you found out before a marriage took place. He owed you the truth a lot sooner, but the truth will set you free.

[Veronica73]

I’m sorry this happened to you. What a shock. It’s incredibly disorienting and confusing when you find out that someone you thought you knew isn’t who you thought they were. It’s like the world is turned upside down and you don’t know what to think or who to trust. And add on top of that that you were cheated on. Please be kind to yourself and lean on reliable, caring friends and family. This isn’t your fault, so I don’t know why you would feel guilty.

[doyathinkso]

He should not be your fiance any more.

 

 

You will never be able to trust him alone with ANYBODY ever again.

 

 

Consider yourself fortunate to have found this out about him before you got married, before the legal and social entanglements.

 

 

Apparently you did not know him as well as you thought you did.

 

 

Knowing now who he really is, put him in your rear view mirror and have him disappear from your life.

 

 

Move on. Your true future lies ahead. Not back there with mister stinky-dink.

Edited June 8, 2019 by doyathinkso

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. The betrayal must feel awful. But let go of the guilt. You did nothing wrong.

 

As isolated as you feel, believe it or not there are support groups for women in your shoes. Find somebody else to talk to who knows your pain. It will help you come through this.

 

For now, unravel the wedding plans & try to get as much of your down payments back as possible. Be practical. Having a purpose will help you put one foot in front of the other.

 

The silver lining in all of this is that you found out before the wedding.

 

Hang in there.