Outcast Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 that I overcomplicate things with emotion, don't see the big picture, shop compulsivly if not checked, take too long to get ready, and get pissy on my special time each month You mistake your own personality for all things feminine. Other than the 'pissy on my 'special time'', none of those characteristics are specifically female qualities. I've known very 'male' men who have been too emotional (usually angry), could not see the big picture (linear thinkers), shopped compulsively (poor financial skills) and took forever to get ready. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 My high school sweetheart did that to me. He said "I'm only your second bf, you need to go out and play the field. I don't want us to end up married have children then you go out and cheat on me because you didnt get to date much when you were growing up and are curious". That was a huge mistake on his part, I loved him with all my being. I was so happy when I was with him. When he told me to date other guys but to not do anything stupid with them. I felt like he really wasnt into me and that was his way of getting me on a different path and interested in others so he can escape.. He and I were off and on for 2 years. I didn't want to let him go but I felt like him telling me to date others was his way of pushing me off. You may lose her if you push this. If you want that woman you need to take the reigns back in and tell her how you truly feel and tell her your philosophy about your madness of telling her to date other guys. She maybe thinking you aren't all that interested in her. Think about this; she could be (could be) thinking "he wants to play around and keep his options open so he is telling me to date other guys so he doesnt have to have guilty feelings for what he wants." "If I'm doing it then its OK in his mind for him to do it." Reign her in. Tell her it was a stupid idea and the thought of her dating other guys isnt sitting well with you.. Honesty is the best policy. Link to post Share on other sites
Tankgirl Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 Ok Im gonna go out on a limb here, because I really am following a certain amount of what SWAMP is saying....dont railroad me here The term 'Games' has a very negative connotation. But a certain amount of games CAN be good. Coy, The Chase, Hard to Get...etc. All in moderation and with the knowladge that it can be a slight risk if you play too carelessly. Personally if someone throws themselves at me right away. I am instantly turned off. I guess this is were I relate. I think the term "Guy Friend" also has a negative connotation. The "Guy Friend" that will NEVER make it date wise with said girl, is the one who tells you all his troubles and listens to ALL of yours, he has removed himself from the "equasion' by killing the romance. The 'Guy Friend' that CAN make it. Is the one that sits back patiently but keeps that element of "mystery' - as in -doesnt pour his heart out every five minutes....Hes not a 'booty call' or a gamer, maybe just someone you didnt realize was there... right in front of you. It CAN be a risky place to put yourself as a guy because its a gray area. (maybe DARK gray LOL) but it CAN work.....Ive seen it work. I think SWAMP has a few valid points (maybe not all, and the presentation is a little In Your Face! to be sure) but then you cant make everyone happy..... Honesty is a tough word too. Personally I want honesty I want deep friendship in my relationship too... but I DO get a jolt out of a good chase and a little mystery Just wanted to offer my two cents LOL now PLEASE dont shred me hehe! Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 You mistake your own personality for all things feminine. Other than the 'pissy on my 'special time'', none of those characteristics are specifically female qualities. I've known very 'male' men who have been too emotional (usually angry), could not see the big picture (linear thinkers), shopped compulsively (poor financial skills) and took forever to get ready. Not at all. To list "all things feminine" would take up much more space than I think anyone wants to take. I listed qualities that I associate with female behavior. I also listed qualities I associate with male behavior. There is a new movement of "meterosexuality" that details the "male men" you describe. That's all fine and well for those who are into that sort of thing, but I suppose I'm a little more traditional in my desires. You poll 9 out of 10 women on what they have actually chosen in their relationships (not what they claim to want), and you'll find that I'm not so far off here. Why do you think "bad boy" movies are still the rage? I'll give you, there are the traditional John Hughes flick where the doofus big-hearted buddy gets the girl, but does anyone really see that happen on a regular basis? Link to post Share on other sites
NewLee40 Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 New Wife...does your husband have a single brother? LOL I'm with you, all this silly game playing is for kids. To my mind, a real man is someone who says what he means and means what he says. I have never been turned off by a guy who chased me if I was interested in return. However, if a guy I'm not interested in chases me, I'm likely to push him away because I don't want to lead him on. But, if he is patient and allows me the time and space to warm up to him, then I might become interested over time. The first kind of love is more based on physical attraction and chemistry, the second type is something that grows. I doubt that the end result of either type can be helped by any sort of game playing or manipulation. It has nothing to do with wanting what I can't have because at least at some point, I'm thinking I can have either. It must may take me a bit longer to realize it with some guys than others. If her love for you is based on this idea that she can't have you, her interest in you won't survive the next challenge. You'll either have to up the ante with more games, or she'll move on to ever greener pastures. Not my idea of a good relationship. Conversely, I've been mislead by plenty of guys who came on strong but turned out to be only out for the thrill of the chase. Because of this, I may be more cautious in the future about making a total committment until the guy has shown sustained interest over time. Again, if a guy told me to date other guys, I would simply think 1. he sees me only as a friend, or 2. What New Wife said. Link to post Share on other sites
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