Speaking up. Abused by my ex girlfriend.

[The Outlaw]

Don't contact her. Period. She isn't your problem. She never was. She's her own problem. And no matter how she may have made you feel about yourself, you can do FAR better than that. Alcoholism is a disease, but there's probably so much more to it than that. But despite everything, she did you an enormous favor and you more than dodged a bullet. She's not fit for anyone until she fixes herself. If ever.

[spiderowl]

I'm sorry to hear what happened. Your ex was toxic all by herself. You might not think so now but it is good that you are out of it.

 

I am sad to say that I see the same thing here that I've seen with women who have been abused and who still love and miss their ex partner who beat them. There are various theories about why this happens: Stockholm Syndrome, addiction to adrenaline from the volatility of the situation. You were embroiled in the situation so not really capable of seeing it from an independent point of view. Most people would think it best that the relationship broke up so that you are no longer in this abusive relationship. I get the distinct impression you would still be in it if it was your choice.

 

It's good that you are seeing a counsellor. I do not see signs that it is doing much good though. You are still hankering after this abusive, toxic woman. Please stay in therapy until you can value yourself more and avoid getting involved with women who treat you like this.

[MATTYD]

First of please feel free to give me an online slap in the face!!

 

What on earth am I doing!!!???

 

She rang and I responded, last Thursday.

 

She says she needs to see me and apologised for a police matter she had against me. Something that was a bad accident that she thought was on purpose. Said she never wanted it to go this far and it was this guy pushing her to take me down. Her mum told her to drop it.

 

Anyway. We met up (kisses me on lips) and she tells me she's just had a miscarriage with this guys baby. He dropped her off in Yeovil last week (in the county of Somerset in England for people abroad) and leaves her there and goes home which is back with his parents. We talked loads and smoothed a lot over. She told this guy 'Matt would never of left me if it was his baby'

 

That night she wants to chill somewhere so me being a kind person book us a room somewhere. Didn't have sex but she was affectionate. The next few days are spent us having a road trip sleeping in my van. We didn't have full on intimacy but she let's me plessure her one morning. And that same night asks me to kiss her, tells me she misses me and loves me very much. The next night I give her a sensual massage. Have a shower together. She's told me she still has feelings for me but we don't work, kinda true!! ? Basically had a pretty good trip. Yeah there was one or two crap moments but we hadn't got on and laughed so much since the beginning of us being together.

 

All the while telling me we don't work and doesn't want back with me. Drop her back to Yeovil for her to meet back up with her new guy. Who is totally pissed off she went away with her ex.

 

She's rung twice yesterday (tuesday) I was busy so couldn't take calls. I returned calls today and get one ring then line busy. Been told if blocked it rings more than that. She doesn't have voicemail setup on her phone.

 

It's just left me even more confused than I was. Do you think she does miss/love/feel something still?

 

This is interesting. She doesn't regard the intimate moments we shared as cheating on her new guy!!! I should never have let her but as I said I love and miss her still.

 

She's still expecting to hang out with me. But I'm not gonna be second best. She craves attention from guys after being unloved by her dad during her traumatic childhood.

 

HELP!!!!!

 

I just wonder if what she did and said was even a little bit genuine. I want to tell this guy about these intimate moments but I know bad move.

[Beendaredonedat]

All the while telling me we don't work and doesn't want back with me. Drop her back to Yeovil for her to meet back up with her new guy. Who is totally pissed off she went away with her ex.

You need serious psychological therapy. I don't say that in malice, I am saying it in hopes that you get better with professional help.