brokenpalates Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 Hello, I was in multiple bad relationships where i got cheated on and emotionally abused it leads me to a decision I would never let myself love anyone. I play like anyone else play. My way of doing it is flirting with multiple guys at the same time, that way none of them special, and they don’t find me special. I’m just a shelter where we give temporary affection for fun. It works. Not completely happy cause in the end I was empty. There is only one guy I finally dated cause he keeps asking, lets call him “Nick” (not real name). Nick and I were friends for 5 years and I know he’s a player so I did play with him too. I know he cheated but I don’t really care, I flirted with 3 different guys too anyway. But then I met my current bf, who lives miles away, lets call him “Rey” (also not real name). I felt genuinely happy with him but I was too afraid to completely give all my love to him cause Im afraid of how it might hurts me bad later on. I kept doing what I did for almost 5 months with 4 guys all simultaneously online, 1 is a real life, was a one time mistake. so not like one by one. Nick I dated online, we just sent chats and memes nothing I care about, this one is full 6 months 2 flirts online, one I thought was ended before the relationship with Rey begin but turns out it does. One just talk when we feel like it. 1 is my ex friend with benefit, not doing anything, just talk in general. According to Rey I bailed on him once so i put him on the list. Last was my close friend who at one night we make out, didnt go anywhere, I told him i have a bf, this one is really make me hate myself harder than any other guys I did cause I crossed so much line. it was physical. After that 5 months i ended everything i do with guys i played. I realize I love Rey for real and he loves me as who I am. I’m really happy with him, it went amazing for atleast a year. Rey really hate cheater, which both makes me happy and also afraid cause I know he won’t cheat but also scared if he ever found out. Rey always being insecure even before he found out. He keeps saying I might cheat and I assure him I dont. Im not lying at that period because I really stop playing around when he starts concern so much about me cheating on him. I tried to meet him but paperwork issue prevent me, causing him to flew across the world. We both work in this long distance relationship. We even plan to get married, i agree to sacrifice my hometown and family to live with him. Then Rey found out. I’ve been cheated on before i know exactly how it feels like and i know he wont trust me no more. But we both tried to work it out. I did make alot of effort to change even before he found out. I told every guy who seems interested i have a bf im off market. I block every guy that makes him worrry, i stop talking to those 5 guys and cut them off completely. I try to always make him happy. Rey keeps bring what i did in the past. Even after he sees i dont do it no more and i did alot of efforts. I let him keep bring it up even it hurts me so much, like he beats me up emotionally over and over again and i let him cause im at fault. I even know he told his friends what i did and it always seems like i cheated over and over again. But the thing is..I want to built this relationship again and his trust. But its been so hard when every single time i thought we make progress he would revert back to the pain and starts bring it up again. I really love him and I want to make us work, he said he want that to. I want him to see the good part of us not the bad ones. I want him to be happy again. Please tell me your advice on what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Ddog Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 (edited) Hello Miss, Most likely Rey was not so insecure. You don't really know his past, but I guess if he hates cheater maybe he been cheated on in the past or his values are really concentred on trust in a relationship. Maybe he sensed something fishy with you or he saw some red flag but haven't got any proof. So to battle this sensation he asked you. And you lied to him, but maybe because he smart or something you were doing was still triggering something in him. So he searched a little bit more just to be sure. So something in him was not trusting you even if it wanted to. But the problem is the something was right... You should have come clean even in the fear of losing him or you should have told him when he asked that you were not in a good place mentally, emotionally at that moment and you're are not proud of it but now it better. But i think it over... From the very look of it he cared for you a lot but deep down he knew something was off. His values are shaterred about someone he cared about but don't trust anymore. I guess he try to look past it but now he don't see you like before. The best you can do his give him space and time and if he want to talk say that you here. But i guess it will took a long time and if by that time heard you had fun with other dude you will never see him again. Option 1. Let him go and wait that he could trust you again 2. Move on Edited June 11, 2019 by Ddog Link to post Share on other sites
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