DrNo1962 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 To keep it short and simple. A girl I met online and have been dating for a bit has her profile showing she's 25 years old when in fact she's 30. I haven't broached the subject with her, but would you consider this a red flag? 5 years seems a fair amount to slice off your real age online.
Author DrNo1962 Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 How did you find out about her age A mutual friend who studied at University with her.
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 (edited) You need to ask her why she lies to you about it . Then decide if you are ok with it. It could be that she lied just for OLD cuz she just wanted some hook ups. Are you guys just casual or getting serious, if you are serious, you need to have a talk with her. Does her life stories line up to her age? If not, she may be lying for other things too Edited June 11, 2019 by frus69
Author DrNo1962 Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 You need to ask her why she lies to you about it . Then decide if you are ok with it. It could be that she lied just for OLD cuz she just wanted some hook ups. Are you guys just casual or getting serious, if you are serious, you need to have a talk with her. Does her life stories line up to her age? If not, she may be lying for other things too At this stage we are just seeing how it goes, but she has been overly complimentary since our first date and we slept together on the second date despite this going against her "rules" so it's hard to say... Her life story lines up with her real age, but definitely not with the age displayed in her online profile.
Atwood Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I don't think this is ok. Lying is lying. Other people will have preferences for what age group they would rather date, so she is catfishing younger people into dating someone 5 years older than they think she is. It would be a huge red flag to me if someone is ok with lying like that. It is not reasonable to slice years off of your age. I don't care how normal it might seem for women to want to lie to seem younger - it is a big lie to tell anyone, let alone someone you want to be close to. If there isn't transparency and honesty at the beginning, there definitely won't be later on. 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 An OLD date of mine lied about his age, too, by ten years. He fessed up without me mentioning his age after a few dates but I also found he told "white lies" about a few other things. Even though emotionally I continued to trust him (he was very convincing and very charming), logically I realized I couldn't so broke up with him.
stillafool Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 5 years is a lot and really pushing it. No lies are lies and this one was completely unnecessary. It's a major red flag and you should ask to see her driver's license.
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 At this stage we are just seeing how it goes, but she has been overly complimentary since our first date and we slept together on the second date despite this going against her "rules" so it's hard to say... Her life story lines up with her real age, but definitely not with the age displayed in her online profile. The only excuse I can think of that you may forgive her is when she voluntarily tells you " I lied about my age online cuz I wasn't trying to get anything serious. But I think I'm falling for you so I need to tell you the truth" 1
chillii Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Well , it's even weirder that you've actually been seeing each other even sleeping together yet haven't even talked or asked about ages or like. At any rate just ask her, makes a lot more sense than a thread in a forum with strangers. 2
snowboy91 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I'd consider it a red flag until you find out what her motive was for lying about her age. I'd assume it's because she just wants to have a bit of fun like you might expect a 25yo to do, but at 30 it's a bit harder to believe that someone might just want some fun. Which of course doesn't condone the lie, but it's a little sad that people make assumptions that drive people to lie like that.
ChatroomHero Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I'd think she was looking for people in their early to mid 20's. If her being 30 was a deal breaker for me, that's an issue. If not, I wouldn't care too much about that. It's not honest, but age to me is not a huge factor unless it ruled something out. Like if you wanted kids and she said she was 35 instead of 45, it might make kids not likely. Or if you are 21 and she is 30 and that gap puts you at different stages in life that don't mesh. If you otherwise get along and 30 is fine for you, age is really just a number at that point and I wouldn't care too much about what was on her profile. Now if she told you she was 25 directly, that would bother me. I would kind of look at it like you are dating someone you are into and things are going great, then one day she finds out she is adopted and her real birth certificate says she is 5 years older, would it really change anything? Even if she straight up lied to you about it if everything else was fine, I still would not care all that much. I would expect her reason for lying about it would be because she didn't think she could land someone like me by getting past the age thing first. Getting dates means trying to be as appealing as possible. That's why people don't usually put up pictures without makeup or looking their worst. Obviously she was just trying to look more appealing to the guys she was looking for, I think it's just kind of 'meh' if everything else is ok. 1
smackie9 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Isn't it obvious why? To increase her chances of meeting more men. There is a stigma about a woman being 30+...that's why women have been lying about their age for centuries. It is what it is. 3
Gretchen12 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 To me, this is not a red flag. It does not indicate a hidden problem that will surface later. It IS the problem itself staring you in the face!
kendahke Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 when you discovered the lie, was it before you had sex with her or after?
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I've learn it means the person is a liar and will lie about other things. I've met a man that admitted to me lying on his age by 5 years, he told me on our 1st date. I didn't have a lot of experience and I didn't make a deal. Turned out he lied about several things, big things and small things, all of our relationship. 3
Happy Lemming Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I'm trying to think like I may have when I was 25 and yes, it would probably be a "deal breaker". Thinking back to my youth, I did date someone who was 7 years older, and I do remember it bothering me a bit (and this woman did not lie about her age). The relationship failed for other reasons, but the age difference was always in the back of my mind. That being said, at 53; I use my 10 year rule... 10 years older or younger, it seems to work for me, now.
The Outlaw Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Not unless she lies about something bigger than her age. Some people just don't like to throw that out there. So long as the two of you get along, don't worry with it too much. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 how long is a while? (that you've been dating) While i don't think it's cool to lie, it would be huge to have it go on for a few months. If you are just on the second date (?? i was confused about this), well it's less problematic--as long as the truth comes out pretty soon.
Orokotikki Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 If she came clean in the first few dates, and said it had been awhile since she could find a date, I'd probably let it slide (if it looked like she felt bad/embarrassed about it, and as long as the resulting age gap wasn't too big). Its one of the few areas I could cut some slack in. At least before I would have. Honestly not sure now. If there was any other lies or things that smelt of BS I'd drop her quick.
Happy Lemming Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I've learn it means the person is a liar and will lie about other things.. Upon further review... I think "Gaeta" has hit the more important point, here. Initially, I was thinking about the actual age difference as being more important, now I think its more about the lying. My long term girlfriend told me her correct age on our first date and I told her mine (she is older than me). We "let the chips fall where they may". She could decide if she wanted to date a younger man and I could decide if I wanted to date an older woman. In the end, we fit together like two puzzle pieces, and we did not start our relationship on a lie. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 100% deal breaker. Somebody who will lie to get what they want... will lie to get what they want, period. Men and women on dating sites lie about their ages and many other things all the time. They are the chaff you must separate from the wheat. 3
Iris The Butterfly Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Yes, if you lie about your age, you will lie in other aspects of your life and relationships. It's just a matter of integrity. A five year age difference seems meaningless, not sure why a 30 year old woman would say she was 25 unless she wants to just hook up with 20 something year old dudes. In short, yes it's a glaring red flag. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I'm usually the first to tear down people who start off with a lie but I can understand and empathize with women of a certain age. For many of us over 40, we're not nearly as marketable as the ones under 40 sadly. It doesn't help that many men cap their preferences that was as well. Of course, being a mature lady is not the issue here. It's one thing to slice a couple of years off your age so you'll show up in more searches and then list your real age in your profile or admit it early on to whoever you're talking to and another thing to play along with the lie indefinitely. I also think there is a significant difference between shaving off 5 years when you're 30 and shaving 5 years when you're 50. Personally, it all seems too complicated for me. Honesty is always the best policy in my book. I guess it all depends on you and what you're comfortable with. I will echo those who said where there is one lie there is often more so...tread carefully. At the very least, I would confront her. Good luck. 1
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