Help with my bf!!!!

[Karen]

I started a contract at this company testing software almost a year ago, and as soon as I started, I saw the man I wanted to marry.

 

I'll call him 'John' . He's 29 & I'm 35. He's a programmer, GORGEOUS, has his own house (in california, it's really expensive) a really, really nice car--I never thought someone like him would give me the time of day when we started working together. I was really surprised he was single, and that nobody else at the company had taken him! Immediately we hit it off, I practically moved into his place. We're close do and everything together. Sometimes he's a bit distant and moody, has a temper, but I can deal with it. I mean, he's as close to perfect as you can get.

 

Recently, I overheard some stuff from some other jerk programmers talking about us. One commented that: So, John and Karen are an item&what's up with that?

 

Someone said: I'm really surprised he's end up with someone like Karen because she's the total opposite of his ex- I mean TOTAL&

 

Someone else: I haven't been here long enough&

 

Yeah, they were college sweethearts- I was sure they'd be married. Well, they were engaged- I remember seeing the rock he gave her.

 

Another said: you didn't know his ex- she was really pretty, thin, funny, and very classy. I wonder what happened with them? She used to be at all of the company events. Then she disappeared.

 

He was spending too much time at work- evenings, weekends- getting really stressed out. He's young--his priorites were all wrong.

 

Yeah, well, I heard it had something to do with that Tonya&

 

Yeah, SHE was married, screwing with some guy at work, left her husband for him, then went after John. He had no clue. She would do anything to cause trouble at work so he'd be called in. Then she started talking sh*t at work about his relationship with Jane. Everyone liked Jane, except Tonya.

 

Yeah, what does he see in Karen? She's kinda gross&

 

Rebound. Guy's gotta bet laid, and he's not that outgoing&.

 

Yeah, it was a month after his ex moved out that Karen came along and grabbed him&

 

Those nerdy a**holes. Well, I know it's NOT a rebound because we've been dating almost a year. Plus, I've gone to his younger brother's wedding and his father's remarriage (to a really young girl!!), and gone on vacations together- so I want to know when he's going to get more serious. I know he's not seeing anyone else and I know all the other woman at work want to take him from me, so I make sure I'm always around. I'm trying to get a permanent job there, so I won't have the same problem keeping him like his ex, that pollyanna b*tch.

 

But he never told me he had been engaged!!! Why wouldn't he tell me? And considering how long he has worked for the company, they must have been together at least 8+ years. In fact, he won't talk much about anything personal like that. When I asked him questions, he mumbles, 'I don't know'&

 

I've snooped around his house for pictures of his ex- or anything, and talked to Tonya. Now I've been digging for info on him around the company. But we're really close. So I want to know how I get him to marry me, because I'm not letting this one get away.

[amanda]

do you know how rediculous you sound? Not to piss you off, but are rambling on about how perfect he is...why is he so perfect? Because hes good looking and has a nice car? PLEASE girl! Everyones jealous of you at work, thats why they talk bac about you. His ex was probably just like him- MOODY. Thats why they didnt work out. Maybe she looked good, but people like that are all an act on the outside. You wanna marry this guy, yet he wont talk to you about personal things? Its not gonna happen. How soon after you started dating did you sleep with him? He doesnt want a serious realtionship with a classy rich girl because hes "not in the mood". wake up. Hes using you because he knows you will ALWAYS be there no matter how bad he treats you and you put out. As soon as hes ready for another relationship, he'll dump you for another classy bimbo. Perfection in a man is not a sexy body, perfect smile, and a nice house...perfection is a guy who will make you laugh, take you out, make you laugh, be the husband you deserve. Loveing, caring, and happy. Someone who deserves you as much as you deserve them.

[clia]

Those nerdy a**holes.

 

Sounds like they are jealous of you. Good for them. Walk around there with your head high. Who knows? Maybe your boyfriend wants someone completely different from his ex. Since he's spent a year with you, he obviously has feelings for you. I don't think you should worry so much about it. You are good enough for him, obviously, if he's dated you for this long.

Well, I know it's NOT a rebound because we've been dating almost a year. Plus, I've gone to his younger brother's wedding and his father's remarriage (to a really young girl!!), and gone on vacations together- so I want to know when he's going to get more serious.

To make a guess at this would be purely speculation on my part. I can't read his mind. Everyone is ready to 'get more serious' on their own schedule. If you've been with him a year, shouldn't you feel comfortable enough by now to ask him what his intentions are?

I know he's not seeing anyone else and I know all the other woman at work want to take him from me, so I make sure I'm always around.

If you show them that your worried, they're only going to try harder. You obviously don't trust your boyfriend at all not to leave you for some other girl at work. Has he given you any reason not to trust you, or are you just insecure?

I'm trying to get a permanent job there, so I won't have the same problem keeping him like his ex, that pollyanna b*tch.

Whoa, you have very harsh feelings toward his ex, a woman you have never met. Sounds like you're jealous of her. And how do you know that she didn't dump him, cheat on him, leave him for a woman, etc.? You have no idea what their past is, so it's ridiculous for you to start making assumptions that she couldn't keep him.

But he never told me he had been engaged!!! Why wouldn't he tell me? And considering how long he has worked for the company, they must have been together at least 8+ years. In fact, he won't talk much about anything personal like that. When I asked him questions, he mumbles, 'I don't know'&

His relationship history is none of your business if he doesn't care to discuss it. If they were together for that long, it might've been a painful breakup for him. When and if he's ready to talk to you about it, he will. He may never talk to you about it. You need to decide if you want to be with him or a guy who is more open about things.

I've snooped around his house for pictures of his ex- or anything, and talked to Tonya. Now I've been digging for info on him around the company. But we're really close. So I want to know how I get him to marry me, because I'm not letting this one get away.

I don't think you should be snooping around his house or work to find out more about him. That's really tacky, and if he finds out, he's liable to get really mad. Based on what you've written, you sound like you don't trust him at all. What kind of a relationship is that? There's more to life than good looks. They do tend to fade, you know.

 

And you don't 'get' someone to marry you. They decide on their own that you are the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, and they choose to do so. If he doesn't want to marry you, there's absolutely nothing you can do to change his mind, short of getting him drunk and dragging him to Vegas.

[Miss Mojo]

Sometimes he's a bit distant and moody, has a temper, but I can deal with it. I mean, he's as close to perfect as you can get.

 

ummm, i don't even know this guy and i would have to disagree with the above statement.....distant, moody, temper.....that is NOT close to perfect. i bet if this guy wasn't "gorgeous", but still had these particular traits, you wouldn't think he was "close to perfect". i wonder if he will be close to perfect when he develops jowls, a beer gut, three strands of hair combed across his bald head and a flatulence problem.

 

nobody else at the company took him, probably because of his moodiness, distance and temper.

 

i don't know about anyone else out there, but a temper and moodiness are so bloody offputting.

 

...then again, maybe he is "close to perfect" because he has many great personality traits that outweigh those three that just caught my eye.

 

just an observation.

[Tammie]

YEAH, he's REAL a 'winner':

 

he doesn't tell you that he was just out of a relationship when you two hooked up? never told you he was engaged? is 'Sometimes he's a bit distant and moody, has a temper, but I can deal with it. I mean, he's as close to perfect as you can get. AND he was also fooling around with another woman in the office when he was ENGAGED. YOu think you're CLOSE????

 

????

 

You'll probably find out someday why his ex-FIANCEE left: once he beats on you physically and/ or mentally.

 

But thats fine with you because he makes a lot of money ????

 

YOu sound like a real 'winner' too. Maybe you two deserve each other.

 

Why don't you do the thing that the stereotypical dumb & desperate women do: have his baby and try to 'make him marry you'. At least you'll get some child support when he won't marry you, or does marry you and divorce you. At least you will have money and maybe a cute kid, which seems your motivation.

 

If you can't guess, I'm being sarcastic.