I was dumped. I was assisted in dodging her bullets, right?

[twatwa123]

Oh, there's issues. She's the issue. She's a mess. There is no reason someone should cry all the time like that. She honestly just sounds like she needs to get in therapy and find out what's going on. Yes, I think you dodged a bullet and should block her and make it official.

 

Agreed. Her issues were my issues with her. I talked to her about them. I suggested that she goes to see someone and talk to them, because as it turns out, I've had my own problems in the past, and I saw someone and they helped me sort my mind out. But she didn't want to. Didn't think it'd help. I told her I could cope with her crying so long as she goes and sees someone because I know that if she did what the therapist says she'd get better. In the end, she pushed me away. Silly girl.

Oh...and she was also adamant she didn't want ME to be her therapist! :L

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You are expending too much energy on your ex, as evidenced by your long post about her.

[twatwa123]

You are expending too much energy on your ex, as evidenced by your long post about her.

 

I know. But ranting about her on these forums is helping me to get over her.

[elaine567]

Not only one long post, multiple posts.

Hard as it is, she dumped you - twice in fact - time to let it go.

 

When a woman starts crying over trivia, it is usually a sign that she is unhappy in the relationship and often a break is on the cards... sooner or later...

[twatwa123]

Not only one long post, multiple posts.

Hard as it is, she dumped you - twice in fact - time to let it go.

 

When a woman starts crying over trivia, it is usually a sign that she is unhappy in the relationship and often a break is on the cards... sooner or later...

 

Yes true. But she wasn't crying over the trivia because of me. Most of the things had nothing to do with me.

She admitted to me that she'd been like this before I knew her...

 

ha ha!

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, she sure has issues.

 

But I would venture that you have a few you need to explore, too. Something kept you coming back to someone who was emotionally unstable. I would spend less time trying to figure out what's up with her, and more time on what attracted you to someone you could clearly see doesn't have her own emotional landscape in order.

 

Just something to think about moving forward.

[twatwa123]

Yes, she sure has issues.

 

But I would venture that you have a few you need to explore, too. Something kept you coming back to someone who was emotionally unstable. I would spend less time trying to figure out what's up with her, and more time on what attracted you to someone you could clearly see doesn't have her own emotional landscape in order.

 

Just something to think about moving forward.

 

 

Well she was a nice person and we get along well, and having had my own issues before I met her, I didn’t think it’d be right to ditch her without talking to her about her issues.

It took about 2 months for me to see her cry over something trivial. And the stuff that had nothing to do with me didn’t really bother me.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well she was a nice person and we get along well, and having had my own issues before I met her, I didn’t think it’d be right to ditch her without talking to her about her issues.

It took about 2 months for me to see her cry over something trivial. And the stuff that had nothing to do with me didn’t really bother me.

 

Obviously that's not quite true, if you encouraged her to get help for it. Something about it didn't sit right with you.

 

It wasn't just the constant tears, either. You saw other issues, which you outlined in your opening post.

[twatwa123]

Obviously that's not quite true, if you encouraged her to get help for it. Something about it didn't sit right with you.

 

It wasn't just the constant tears, either. You saw other issues, which you outlined in your opening post.

 

 

Towards the end of the relationship, the tears became directed at me, and they were becoming more frequent.

 

The other issues are seen in hindsight.

[Commongoal123]

You are expending too much energy on your ex, as evidenced by your long post about her.

 

This has got to be one of the least helpful responses I've seen.

 

To the OP: don't listen to **** like this. There are people on here that are about as clueless as you can get on the internet.

 

That being said, some have suggested that you look into why you were attracted to and stayed with someone who was so emotionally unstable, and judging by your post I see signs of abuse as well... so it may also be worth a look at why you stayed with someone who was also borderline abusive and neglectful towards you.

 

Ask yourself the question if your needs were being considered and met by her, or if she always turned it around to be about herself somehow, using her emotions to control the situation so HER "needs" were being met.

 

Might be worth going back to therapy. Especially if this happens again with someone else.

 

-Common

Edited June 13, 2019 by Commongoal123

[OatsAndHall]

In the end, it doesn't really matter if other people view her behavior as red flags. These behaviors were enough to bother you and cause you to question the relationship and now you're away from her.

[Commongoal123]

Not that it's a bad letter, but here's a lesson I learned. How you feel right now may change when you gain some distance from the relationship.

 

I dumped someone I was friends with after we tried being romantic. He insisted on being together before his divorce was final or even close to it, but yet I wasn't the reason for the divorce. He just couldn't stand to be alone for 24 hours at a stretch.

 

I dumped him and felt a little bad about it, but was also mad at him. Honestly, I was so relieved to get out of it that I didn't even pick it all apart at the time. I was sorry we had an unsuccessful attempt at being friends and just became acquaintances.

 

Some years later, I felt some guilt over it. At the time I was still emotionally entangled with a guy I had a traumatic breakup with and was now working with. I started thinking, How much of it not working was his fault and how much was mine. I let him know when I ran into him that I was just not emotionally available at that time.

 

Then just a few more months and I started thinking about it all again and decided it WAS mostly his fault. He was still hanging with his wife, and he and I were friends, and he SHOULD have known I was still struggling emotionally from the ex and seeing him at work, but see, he never wanted to talk about any of that. He didn't want to hear it (before we got together when we were friends, and he should have been there for it.)

 

So I changed my mind and decided I was indeed justified in calling it off. He didn't take my situation into consideration even though I begged him to just go date other women, and he insisted I be with him. He had another woman after him that whole time who I now believe he was probably also sleeping with even though I assumed he and I were exclusive since he pressed so hard to be together. We lived next to each other (he followed me there when I told him no to living together). Talking to a guy in one of his old bands years later made me pretty sure he had been also seeing her, even after he told her on the phone in front of me he was going to be with me.

 

So just saying give yourself time to digest everything and be less emotional. Funny how things come out over time. You might issue this apology and then find out God knows what and be really mad at her again.

 

I agree it mostly makes you look pathetic. And the likely unsaid response in her head will be, "Too bad you couldn't change when I was with you."

 

This is one of the best posts I've seen in a while.

[Commongoal123]

In the end, it doesn't really matter if other people view her behavior as red flags. These behaviors were enough to bother you and cause you to question the relationship and now you're away from her.

 

Very well put

[twatwa123]

So I was dumped officially around a month ago. It was only a short relationship, barely 7 months but it was my first.

The way it ended really hurt me. She didn't have the decency to tell me properly to my face we were breaking up, and the last contact with her was on Whatsapp with her telling me she doesn't want me anymore.

The last thing we did in person together was to share a passionate kiss, and her telling me that she wants us to work this time around. She originally dumped me in the middle of a pub, but then wanted to talk, so I went around hers and she decided to treat it like a date night, and we didn't talk, but ended up having the best time, and her telling me she really wanted us to work.

 

I am on day 23 of no contact. I have blocked her on Facebook and Whatsapp and deleted her number out of my phone, moved pictures of us to an online backup, and deleted them off my phone so I can't look at them easily.

This has helped in my recovery.

 

 

I have very few friends because I am a very shy person, and in fact my now ex has put some confidence into me....so I have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone to meet a couple of new people from a meetup group.

 

I have tried to go to places (mainly on my own because I don't have many others to go with) in order to keep myself busy

 

I managed to write down all the negatives of our relationship, and there were many, but over the last day or two, I have been going back to the positives.

 

I was thinking of her less and less as the days go by, I had stopped crying about 2 weeks ago, but yesterday I shed a few more tears.

 

I feel like I'm going backward.

 

What do I do?

 

Thanks!

[theguy123]

Just remember healing isn't linear... I am going on about 6 weeks NC myself. Some days I feel like I am past it.. some days I am back to square one thinking about all the what ifs and things to change. Its normal. At first the waves will seem like their crashing in on you all the time.. then they slowly start to phase out with a bit less frequency but they're still there.. eventually they'll get smaller and smaller. Hold strong.

[twatwa123]

I was dumped by my girlfriend on the 28th May, I have had no contact with her since 8th June.

She is already dating someone else.

She was my first love, and the relationship lasted for about six months.

I met her on an online dating site.

She was my only friend.

She gave me some confidence in my life.

I've tried very hard since then to keep busy, pushing myself out of my comfort zone to meet a couple of new people. This did make me feel a bit better temporarily

 

Since the breakup, one day I might feel Okay, but for 2 or 3 days after I might feel really depressed, anxious and full of adrenaline and making me not want to do anything.

It's really getting me down. I feel like I'm going to go back to my old ways of not doing anything with my life.

It's been over a month, and I can't keep having such up and down feelings. How long does this last for?!

I can't stop thinking about her, and the way she broke up with me, it hurt me. It was a combo of Whatsapp and public breakup, dumping me and leading me on saying she wants to start again, then a week later ending things for good. I never got to say bye in person, and the very last thing we did together shared a very passionate kiss

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, these extreme high and lows are normal, OP.

 

This is particularly true when you didn't have much else going on in your life but her and your relationship. One becomes too dependent on another person to make them happy, and it makes the crash extra hard when it ends.

 

What sorts of things have you tried to distract yourself, in the way of activities or building up your social life?

[twatwa123]

Okay. It really hurts! I don't know how much longer I can keep going when the extremes are so....extreme!

 

I have gone to a meetup group for people around my age. Only been once. Going again this week.

 

And have traveled to a few places, alone, to save staying in all day. The last time (Saturday) I felt pretty depressed and felt like my worries and anxieties that I had before I met her were going to come back.

[GTR King]

Hey there I was dumped by my girlfriend shortly after yours dumped you, (face to face 8th June was together 7 months) my emotions were the same for a while... Some days I missed her loads and felt low and wanted to cry but other days I felt really happy. Each day I getting better still miss her lots but been keeping myself busy.

 

It's good that your going out doing things over time I will get alot better..

 

your emotions are perfectly normal so no need to feel bad

[MINAKO]

Yes, it is hurtful, but normal. Remember, some people take their lives over break ups. I remember one time I (accidentally, but still, the action was intentional just so I could feel better) overdosed because I thought I was losing someone so important to me. It was not even an actual break up. So try to not worry too much about whether what you are feeling is normal or not, because whatever you are going through, countless other people have. You are not crazy and you are not alone. Do your best to busy yourself. There is a rough saying about how it takes half the time of the relationship, to get over it.

 

I understand she brought a lot to your life, and maybe now you feel an excess of emptiness. However, do not be tricked by it. It means there is just more room for happiness. Keep getting through your days and I promise you, from all my psychotic experience over these years, that you will be absolutely fine with time. I know how it feels. I have felt so down I wanted to die multiple time. But I am telling you, this will all go away eventually and you will be back to yourself, better than now, healed and stronger. You do not need someone who does need you. You are more than that. Slowly, but surely, you will be absolutely whole again.

[twatwa123]

Advice, please.

 

 

My ex broke up with me the end of May, after a 7-month relationship, the last contact was 8th June. No contact was initiated by me. She was surprised I was deleting her number from my phone.

She went and dated someone else straight after me as a distraction, saying she wasn't over me.

I don't know why she dumped me. She was a poor communicator, and she made PIV sex almost impossible by bringing pressure into the bedroom by saying that she never used to have it in her previous relationship, and she was saying this in the moment. She also told me that I wouldn't be able to do X or Y in the bedroom because I was inexperienced, as she was. This obviously knocked me back, because with the right person, regardless of how experienced they are at sex, won't doubt my sexual abilities, and for her to say this, hurt. I should have ended the relationship myself, but I became too attached to her.

She was also an emotional wreck. Getting upset over really trivial issues. She told me she suffers from overthinking and depression in the past. Having had similar mental issues in the past I tried to help her but she pushed me away. I should have dumped her instead of trying to help her as I've ended up getting hurt in the end.

Other issues she had with me she never told me about, and two weeks before she dumped me she told me she was happy. As far as I was aware there were problems but I didn't know what they were.

Intellectually I know she wasn't the person for me. But my brain is telling me differently.

 

I still cry over her a fair bit, but I was getting to the point where I accept she's my ex, and I signed up to a dating site.

 

I found my ex on there. 91% match. (we're obviously not) Read her profile, everything on there we have in common.

It brought all the good times back, and today I feel like crap.

 

I have fantasies of her liking my profile, and me liking hers back.

 

I need to get this rubbish from my head....how?

 

 

Since the breakup, I have tried to keep myself busy, do new things. But it's not really helping.

I still feel flat and depressed.

 

Any advice on what to do?

Edited July 29, 2019 by twatwa123

[twatwa123]

It's taken nearly 3 months but I am starting to feel better.

 

WHY ON EARTH did I want her back after she dumped me 2 days after I gave her my virginity. Reasons dumped included "it wasn't what she was expecting"

 

Someone that clearly never even liked me that much in the first place.

 

She leads me on not once but twice during the course of our 7-month "Relationship"

 

She made sex impossible, nasty remarks about my size (when there's really nothing at all wrong with it) and telling me I don't know to do x or y, and that I can't do x or y. What great confidence boosters! I NEVER put her down in any way, shape or form!

 

I spent the months after this running myself down telling her that I am not ready for sex when really I am!

Just not with someone who runs me down and gives me no confidence! So if only my ex could read this. No wonder we only had PIV sex the once....

 

 

Then when the "relationship" did come to an end for good, she couldn't do it to my face. urgh.

 

I now realise what an idiot I've been and what poor character judgement I had. Of course, the relationship failures are not all on her, it's mainly me for being so stupid to have her back in the first place!

 

 

This has been a tough life lesson to learn

 

She may come across as nice and ultra-friendly but her actions speak louder than words.

 

 

This place has been good for me to rant, so thank you all.

[Marc878]

You are learning. As you reflect back further you'll find you didn't lose much.