I don't know what to think

[tracijohnston]

Hello everyone,

 

New member here. Sending you all love and positivity. My story (english is not my first language. Sorry for any mistakes): my best guy friend of three years and I love each other very much, but I wasn't ready for a relationship yet, said "in a few years" (personal reasons) and we talked about marriage and living together. He always respected me, in three years only asked twice, and continued to be the most amazing friend. We did everything together, were always there for each other, everything. He is the nicest person I have ever met and has done more for me than anyone in my own family. We are/were family to each other.

 

Six months ago, he started a new job and started becoming really distant. I asked a few times what was wrong and he always said he was consumed with work. Like three months in, I told him I was hurt that he was so distant, and he told me he was hurt too because he needed me now more than ever to understand that he was consumed with work. Long story short, four months in he ended up telling me he met someone in December and that they have been together ever since. It's been six months now. He is unrecognizable.

 

Can never make plans, if we do, he hides the phone from me when we are together, goes take calls alone in the middle of us being together so I don't hear the conversation, and runs out of there in the end, doesn't answer texts, doesn't go through with plans, never wants to be with me, calls on his way to work and back (this is recently, after I told him he had abandoned me and went weeks without calling and acted as if it was nothing when we would finally talk) and blocks my number after the "out of work call" but never admits it. Says he "was asleep" or that "the phone is broken on the side" and he already went to the store to fix it (I am offended that he would think I would believe this. I even tried calling from another number when mine was blocked and the call went through). Twice I asked to hang out and he said he would call me and didn't, left me completely hanging.

 

I am completely in shock with his behaviour and the lies, this is the opposite of the person I met and it is not my best friend. I cannot believe he would do this to me. I am really, really, really hurt and I don't deserve this. I would and could never do this to him. I love him unconditionally and I am genuinely happy that he is happy and that he chose another path, even if it not with me anymore and it obviously breaks my heart, but I don't know what to do or what to feel because this is not my best friend. I went no contact 4 days ago, said I was happy for him, even if I'm heartbroken because we always thought we would be together in a few years but couldn't stand his disrespect any longer.

 

Wished him luck and to only contact me if he needed anything, that I would always be here for him because he has done so much for me and we used to be family. Sent a really long text saying goodbye, I was crying hysterically after he had stood me up again, and said to tell me if one day he was the person I met again because I miss that person so much and that person disappeared without notice. He didn't say "goodbye", didn't apologize for standing me up again nor for all the lies I confronted him with in the text, only answered "I miss you too and I love you very much".

 

I will always be here for him but I am shocked by his behaviour and don't like this person at all. It is not my best friend nor the person I fell in love with. I thought I knew him well. I am honestly disgusted by his behaviour so I am thinking of never breaking no contact unless he needs me and accepting that my best friend and the future we had dreamed of died. What do you think I should do? Thank you in advance and hang in there .

Edited June 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[d0nnivain]

[]

 

This whole construct was a lie. You said no to a romance but led this poor boy on, sticking him with all the responsibilities of BF but none of the perks. He went along with it because he didn't have enough self esteem to object. He thought he was fine being led around by the nose & dancing to your tune.

 

Then he got a new job. His world opened up & he met a new woman who actually liked him. It was a like his black & white life suddenly had color. She was giving him all the things he wanted from you but which you withheld.

 

Now you are annoyed because he's no longer following you around like a love sick puppy. You miss the daily ego boost that you used him for. Then you got on a high horse & made him feel bad for having a life.

 

If you truly care about him you need to apologize for acting like a selfish spoiled b1tch & then you need to actually be happy for him. If you can manage to be nice, once he tires of her, you can then rebuild the pieces if you are finally ready to date him not waste his time. He's separating you two because you are not being nice about this & he doesn't want her to get the wrong idea about you. His new GF is probably very insecure about you with good reason. For now, you have to accept that you caused this problem by always saying no to him. You rejected him too many times & this is what happened.

Edited June 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Addd paragraphs to starting post.

[ExpatInItaly]

All you can do is recognize that he has moved on and will no longer be your best friend.

 

It sounds to me like he got tired to trying to win your heart by being your best friend, and decided to pursue someone who reciprocated his feelings.

 

It’s going to be better that you two now keep your distance from each other.

[jospêh]

It seems like the guy indeed stayed around for that long because he was in love with you. He kept holding on to the idea that you guys would get together officially in the future. He stayed because you guys talked to each other about living together and all that stuff.

 

But as you always stayed friends and never went any further it was only a matter if time before one of you guys would run into someone else, and leave the other behind completely broken.

 

I feel like you should have just started the relationship so much earlier instead of postponing it.

 

It seems that regret comes a bit to late right now. The only thing I think you can do is to try and stay the best friend possible and maybe try to rekindle everything when his current relationship would end.

[The Outlaw]

Most people would know right off bat if they wanted a relationship or not, and wouldn't tell someone maybe 'in a few years' because there isn't any guarantee of anything happening in the end anyway. And in that time, he drifted away and found someone else who wanted a relationship with him and moved on from you. People change.