Horticultured Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 I had a weird dream about one of my exes the other night. She looked as she did when we first started dating and it made my heart flutter. I woke up with an immense desire to contact her. I absolutely do not want to get back with her, she was a walking disaster and I'm also seeing someone else, but I've been thinking about her a lot. I really just want to let her know she's been on my mind and that I hope she's doing ok. She broke up with me almost 4 years ago, tried to get me back for about a month, and we haven't talked since. I believe she is also seeing someone new but I don't know for sure. I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately and feel bad about the way I behaved in our relationship at times. It was a strenuous time for both of us and while we clung to each other for the support I now feel I had some unreasonable expectations for her. I have been heavily considering making an anonymous account on a social media site she frequents and sending her a message essentially saying, "I had a dream about you, I haven't thought about you in a while but I hope you're doing well." I don't necessarily want her to know my identity, I think if she knows it's coming from me it might reopen some doors I would rather keep closed. Is this a bad or a creepy idea? I don't want to spook her but for some reason I really feel the need to reach out. Thank you in advance for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
Atwood Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 I know it’s not your intention, but it does come across as creepy. Women get a lot of weird messages on social media and an “I had a dream about you” message would personally set me a bit on edge. Think about your goals and outcomes. What would be your goal with this? Closure? Friendship? As far as outcomes go, it seems like the only likely outcome is hurt feelings. Don’t cause her tumultuous upset and heartache if all you want to do is express some longing that can’t actually be fulfilled. It’s okay to miss an ex sometimes, but unless you’re 100% on board with rekindling the flame, it’s almost always a bad idea to reach out again imo. Edit: if you really feel like you treated her badly in some way, it’s admirable that you recognise that and want to apologise. An apology should be up front, honest and direct (no anon accounts) BUT be wary this could make her want to come back to you and, again, cause more hurt. If I were you, I’d keep the door firmly shut on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Bad and creepy. Do not. Dreams are just dreams. I dreamed I killed a bunch of zombies with a lightsaber once, it was just as honest and fate entwined as your dream. I know such a dream (as yours) can be uncomfortable and awaken old feelings, but don't dredge up old flames and try to stir intrigue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Horticultured Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 I guess I just want closure. I've been down this rabbit hole a few times, something reminds me of her and I stress about it for a couple of days before something else distracts me and I forget about it. While I knew our breakup was what needed to happen, she did it in a way that made me incredibly upset and honestly thinking about it still gets me worked up. I've had several relationships since but I've never felt as close to anyone as I did to her. I also feel like she would like me better as I am now then she did when we were dating. I can't help but feel like she shaped me in some way, she was the first woman I dated and the reason I came out as bisexual. Ideally, I would like to put her behind me entirely but I'm not sure if I'm capable of that. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Not fair to do it to her if she's tried to get back with you. You're just winding her up, so don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 It is an EXTREMELY creepy idea 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 (edited) I have been heavily considering making an anonymous account on a social media site she frequents and sending her a message essentially saying, "I had a dream about you, I haven't thought about you in a while but I hope you're doing well." I don't necessarily want her to know my identity, I think if she knows it's coming from me it might reopen some doors I would rather keep closed. Is this a bad or a creepy idea? Yes, on both counts. A generally terrible idea to get in touch with her anyway, but particularly in the manner you describe. I would be completely creeped out if some random on the internet messaged me something like that, and even more upset if I later learned it came from a distant ex. You need to let go of her, OP. She's been gone a long time. Closure isn't going to come from her. It's going to come from you accepting the fact that she's not coming back to you. It's evident here that you never really have. Edited June 12, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 The creepy part is you want to contact her and tell her you've been thinking about her but not let her know who it is. Creep factor 10 on a scale of 10. This doesn't even get into the fact that it's disrespectful of your current gf. If you were single and didn't want to do it anonymously, that's one thing. But what you're talking about is weird. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 Yes, it's a bad and creepy idea as explained in the previous posts. Don't stir up old stuff. There is rarely any closure to be had and you very well might cause all kinds of new angst. Let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 (edited) Is this a bad or a creepy idea? Yes it is a bad idea. Leave her alone. I'll bet you a fiver she doesn't want to hear from you and I'll also bet you another fiver that if you stop creeping her social media (that she frequents often) you will not have any more dreams of her and you can get on with your life without regrets. It is selfish of you to contact her now. It's for your own ego that you want to... certainly not because you think it would some how enhance her life to hear you lament about the past. Edited June 16, 2019 by Beendaredonedat Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 That's a creepy idea. If you want to contact her, just do it. Keep it short and sweet, that's it. Say whatever is on your mind. If you hear back from her, fantastic. If not, you've gotten some closure on the subject. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 Yeah, if you need to apologize for your own peace of mind, do so directly. I liked Atwood's post in particular, though I do think if you need to say sorry for the way things went down and it still sticks in your mind years after the fact, that sometimes you need to do that so you can heal. I recommend keeping it direct and simple. Do so under the assumption that you may not hear back and/or it's possible to receive a negative response. If you can mentally handle that, then say your piece if it's important to you. One of my friends received an anonymous message earlier this year. She freaked out, as she's had a stalker in the past and wasn't sure if it was him. Don't assume that she would know your identity if you told her you had a dream on an anonymous account. Plus, just revealing you dreamt about someone doesn't hint a thing about their motivations. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 Time to take off those bad idea jeans. If you do decide to keep them on at least have the sack to not be anonymous and let the girl you're now seeing know so she understands shes involved with a dishonest creeper. Link to post Share on other sites
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