She wants me back?

[zot]

Hello,

 

Well I need your guys opinion actually.

 

Short story: Me and my (ex)girlfriend lived together for 1,5 years. We both loved each other very much and we had future plans. Al tough the last months we had lot of fights and lot of discussion, mostly about my jealousy, my needyness and her depression and not being self secure. But we always tried and tried again and had felt that we loved each other very much.

 

10 days ago we went to a bar where we had again a (little bit drunk) fight,discussion. It was about my jealousy and her depression, the fight went so far she said it was over, she left and was going out with other people. I went home and the next morning see came home and told me that see had kissed with another guy but she was sorry.

 

We didn't talk for 3days and eventually I packed my stuff, we had a little talk and I left. She agreed with me that we needed to break up.

 

For her it seems 100 the relation is over.

 

Since then I regret my decision to leave. Why? I forgive her for that kissing with the other guy, I made some major mistakes too ( jealousy, emotionally making it difficult for her). And **** I loved her, she loved me and our household was very nice. I WANT HER BACK!!

 

Since then I tried to call her, texted her and asked for having a talk. She always said no or didn't answer my calls.

 

Today I did send her a message, that I would get my bike (outside our(her)) house and post my last house key in the mailbox. She did send me a message that it was OK and that she would give me my mail outside the door.

 

So I went there, took my bike and threw it in my car. I ringed the bell for giving her the key and getting my mail. She opened the door and she was whole beautiful dressed, had new earings and make-up on.

 

She asked me inside, and I didn't expected that. I went inside and we went to the cough, talking about what we were doing last time, how it was going on work and what the future plans individually are. It was really awkward because I lived there for years and now I'm sitting there like a visitor. The positive thing was that she wanted to talk, I was really chocked by that.

 

So the conversation was pretty awkward, but we sometimes had a little laugh. I told her twice that she looked beautiful, and I told her that I noticed that she had new earrings. I told all these things in between the conversations. I also told her that I miss her very much. I asked her that she wanted to drink a coffee together one of the next days, and she said yes.

 

After that the conversation got more awkward and I said I would go to home (mother's house). I stood up and gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, telling her I loved her. Than I left.

 

 

So: She made me 10/10 sure the break up was definitive, she didn't want to talk. But when I went to her house she wanted to talk, and she was dressed nice, friendly and wanted to had a drink with her.

 

But did I make a mistake by hugging her and kissing her on the cheek? Did I needed to kiss her on the mouth and stay there? What did she want?

 

What are your opinions about this?

 

Greetz

[Orokotikki]

Run!

 

How will you feel if you get back together and she says how sorry she is that she banged the guy?

[ExpatInItaly]

Kissing her on the cheek versus the lips is the least of your problems here, OP. That isn't what would make or break a reconciliation.

 

What were you jealous about during the relationship, and what exactly triggered the final argument? I know you say you forgive her for kissing another guy, but I don't see anywhere that she asked for your forgiveness. Unless you left something out, the kiss strikes me more as something she did because she is emotionally detached from you. Not something she regrets, necessarily.

 

I think you might be misinterpreting the other things "signals" of interest here, as well. You say she wants to have a drink with you, but you were the one who invited her. She merely accepted. Yes, she could have turned that invite down but sometimes dumpers are fine with a friendly drink because their feelings have changed so much that they're cool with seeing their exes as friends only. The drink also hasn't happened yet, so I would wait first to see if she actually follows through on that invite.

 

Also, you noted she was dressed up nicely. Was it for you? Perhaps. Or maybe she was going to meet someone else later on and wanted to doll herself up a bit.

 

She invited you inside to talk. You two broke up rather suddenly and after a fight, so it wouldn't be unusual for a dumper to be open to chatting once the initial dust settles and they have cooled off. I have had such talks with exes after break-ups, in an attempt to smooth the waters and leave things on more peaceful terms.

 

In short, there is nowhere near enough concrete evidence here to conclude she wants you back. She might, yes. I don't deny it's a possibility. But I would also encourage you to keep your expectations low and not connect dots that aren't there. See if she actually meets up with you first, and then re-evaluate the situation.

[d0nnivain]

This was a heat of the moment break up fueled by alcohol. It was irrational all the way around. It was not though through & meaningful.

 

That said, you two have your share of problems & dysfunction in this relationship. You are jealous, needy & clingy. She is depressed & insecure. You both have poor communication skills.

 

If you both work hard, talk more, do better at reassuring & respecting one another you may be able to repair this. Send her some flowers & an apology. Tell her you love her & you want to work with her to build a better more stable relationship for you both. You should probably drink a little less too.

[Commongoal123]

This was a heat of the moment break up fueled by alcohol. It was irrational all the way around. It was not though through & meaningful.

 

That said, you two have your share of problems & dysfunction in this relationship. You are jealous, needy & clingy. She is depressed & insecure. You both have poor communication skills.

 

If you both work hard, talk more, do better at reassuring & respecting one another you may be able to repair this. Send her some flowers & an apology. Tell her you love her & you want to work with her to build a better more stable relationship for you both. You should probably drink a little less too.

 

OP, I totally disagree with this.

 

You dont have anything to apologize for. She does. Do not do for her what she should be giving you.

 

Also. The dress, makeup, and new earrings were totally a manipulative move in her part. She was using physical looks and sex to manipulate you.

 

Everyone has their opinion and is entitled to it, however I think the kiss on the cheek and telling her you love her was a mistake. All it did was empower her while leaving you confused.

 

Regarding the jealousy.... what things were you jealous about? Depending on what, will speak volumes regarding the dynamic here.

 

-Common

[Marc878]

I went home and the next morning see came home and told me that see had kissed with another guy but she was sorry.

 

It's over so stay gone.