Is this sexism?

[MsJayne]

I've worked at the same place for 15 years. My main role is the accounting, however until about four years ago I also had other duties, stuff I really enjoyed doing as it gave me some variety, kept me up to date with certain aspects of the business, and so aided me with record keeping, systems and procedures, etc.

About 3 - 4 years ago, a relatively new, (back then), male employee 'appropriated' a couple of my tasks. He had originally been employed in a specific role, a role which threatened to become redundant about a year after we'd employed him. This was when he started taking on what had previously been my tasks. To this day I don't know if the boss asked him to do this or he just did it as a way of making himself useful despite his role being redundant. I didn't ever say anything because I'm the only female on staff and I was worried that if I complained I'd ultimately pay for it by being made so uncomfortable that I'd have to leave, (and I know that this in itself is an indicator that sexism is going on in my workplace), and that made me really angry. Another example of this guy's disregard for me is that not long after he started here our company changed software. Moving the company over to the new software was a big task, a task that I performed. It was in fact my idea to change over, yet this guy deludes himself that it was him who suggested and managed this changeover and has stated this to me, as if he was challenging me to disagree with him.

So anyway, the other day this guy says to me that he feels he deserves a pay rise "because he does so much more than he was originally employed to do". I know that the reason he told me he wants a pay rise is because he has no idea that he's stepped on my toes so badly and he's hoping I'll put in a good word for him, (I do have my bosses ear for some things).

So, I've had a gutful of this upstart and am teetering on the verge of sitting my boss down for a discussion about what I feel is sexist discrimination against me, but I hate tattling on a work colleague and am not sure if I should just shut up and stop making a big deal out of it.

[Atwood]

Whether people believe it or not, sexism is not dead and it is especially alive in the work place. You are right in thinking that there is sexism already because you’re worried that your job will be at risk if you complain. A lot of women feel like they can’t be direct, let alone assertive, because of our status. People might say “well just be more assertive, say what you want!” but that’s of no use if your boss actually would find a reason to get rid of you. What is your relationship like with your boss? Would you consider yourself indispensable in your job? That if you suddenly quit they’d be struggling without you?

 

You’ve been there a lot longer than this guy, so perhaps he’s just trying to ingratiate himself because he’s been feeling the pressure of making his own position indispensable. Especially as you say he was facing redundancy. I would be surprised if your boss valued him more than you considering your current loyalty and range of duties.

 

If it were me, I would remain neutral on the guy in discussions with colleagues/boss and I would ensure that is discussions with boss, I verbally took credit for the things I did.

I.E “when I switched us over” or perhaps suggesting new ideas “due to the work I did on X” etc.

 

Tearing another colleague down or snitching on them (whilst it might be deserved) will probably not do you any favours. You will likely create rifts this way. Work on building up your own reputation, ensuring you take full credit for what you’ve worked on as much as you can. Be your own advocate as much as possible.

 

I’m sorry you’re in this position and that after many years you’re feeling like someone is trying to elbow you out the way.

 

Edit: I would personally bring up sexism with my boss because I trust them and I know they’re aware of these issues. If you could have a private talk with boss and trust they’d not do anything about it until you’d discussed it, I would say go for it! It all depends on your boss’s personality.

[basil67]

It's an awful work situation for sure, but I don't think it's sexist. I can easily imagine this new co-worker doing exactly the same thing to another man in the office.

 

The bits of your work that the new guy appropriated: Do you want those jobs back? Or could you be given other new tasks? Perhaps this is the best approach with your boss. And at least we have strong workplace laws, so you can't lose your job without having done serious misconduct.

[clia]

I'm not really seeing anything sexist here, or any indication that he wouldn't have done the same thing to a male co-worker in an effort to keep himself busy and keep his job. Plus, you said he has no idea he stepped on your toes, so how can it be sexist? Even if your boss told him 3-4 years ago to take over some of those tasks it isn't necessarily for sexist reasons -- perhaps he thought you had enough on your plate with your assigned tasks and was just re-balancing the workload.

 

Unless there's more you aren't telling us, I think it would be a bad idea to accuse them of sexist discrimination based on these facts.

[anika99]

I'm also not sure how this an example of sexism. Sounds like you have an obnoxious coworker who likes to take credit for things he didn't do and who wanted to make sure his job was secure so he started performing tasks outside of his original role. As others have said he'd probably be the same with a male coworker.

 

On the other hand I'm not sure why you just let this guy start doing your tasks without even knowing or asking why. If I came to work one day and found a coworker doing my tasks I'd certainly be asking questions. Sounds like you didn't ask anyone why this coworker was taking over certain aspects of your job. That was 4yrs ago and you still don't know why. Also not sure why you let this guy take credit for a big project that you handled, without speaking up and reminding him that you managed that project.

 

I get that you don't want to make waves or be seen as difficult but you sound overly meek to me.

[ChatroomHero]

. I didn't ever say anything because I'm the only female on staff and I was worried that if I complained I'd ultimately pay for it by being made so uncomfortable that I'd have to leave, (and I know that this in itself is an indicator that sexism is going on in my workplace), and that made me really angry.

 

 

You're afraid to say anything because of something you made up in your mind about being fired or made uncomfortable enough to leave and that is what you consider sexism?

 

 

If you were fired for speaking up, maybe. But because you made up a story in your mind of how you think it will go, means you are sexist and automatically think men will make you feel uncomfortable because you are a woman, when in fact, it has not happened. Nothing has happened. Nobody has fired you or made you uncomfortable.

 

 

You literally just made up a scenario of how it will go down in your mind that has NOT happened in reality and are blaming men in the company that have NOT made you uncomfortable, have not done anything, and it made you angry because that proves sexism?

 

 

According to you and this statement, a man does not have to do anything wrong, takes no action whatsoever, has no involvement, is the perfect human, has never done anything wrong in his life and is the least sexist person in the world, but in your own mind you can conjure up a scenario where you THINK he will react in a sexist way toward you so despite doing absolutely nothing wrong, you consider him sexist.

 

 

You assuming that the company is sexist without any evidence or sexist action, means you are prejudiced and sexist towards men. Seriously, come on. NOTHING has happened. The company has not done anything wrong. You're projecting they will do something wrong and you think that is your proof?

Edited June 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Tamfana]

No. I see no reason to conclude that this is about sexism. A jerk is a jerk and he out-maneuvered you. There will always be co-workers who operate like this and if their targets shrink back and are intimidated by it they own you. Tacitly allowing it is a bad move.

 

You made a mistake back when he assumed your responsibilities through the back door. Can’t do much about that now but take the lesson, reset and don’t handle it that way again. You should have gone immediately to the boss to clarify your responsibilities when the interloper took them. If you were mad, calm down first and then make sure you're not supposed to be handling that any more. Your responsibilities were still your responsibilities as far as you knew.

 

And, no, don’t complain- ask, clarify. Just ask and clarify that you should not be doing those things any more, or, if you still wanted the projects, say so- “I really want to keep the XYZ project.” From now on, don’t shrink away from asking and clarifying your responsibilities with your boss. That’s what a professional does, needs to do for the employer.

 

If women just assume that their employers would punish them or view them as complainers or whiners, why? Why are they assuming that? It is an assumption about their employer (which is a pretty nasty assumption) or do they have good reason because of a pattern of behavior in the office? If it’s the latter, why stay? There are so many more options today. But being quiet only harms everyone, including the boss, and empowers the jerks, which good employers don’t want any more than you do. Jerks cause drama. Drama is inefficient. Viewing consulting with your employer as whining or complaining is itself a problem.

[d0nnivain]

It may very well be that this guy is just a jerk. There may be a little sexism in him but don't lead with that when you talk to your boss; it devalues you. Just talk to your boss about your accomplishments, the division of labor you want & toot your own horn. In short be a professional, not somebody who makes excuses.

[Flame Aura]

There is nothing sexist whatsoever in what you have just posted OP.

 

 

If you are not happy about tasks being taken away from you, or your pay, or someone else claiming to be behind something you have done, then you need to talk to your manager about it, or HR etc, instead of being scared to say anything and claiming its all sexist. Like seriously.

[Els]

I've seen sexism at work. This isn't what it looks like IMO.

[Mr. Lucky]

If he were a woman, we'd describe his actions as bold and ambitious.

 

Regardless, you've been complicit in the unwanted changes and assumptions by your silence. You seem to see discrimination everywhere, but don't stand up for yourself in even the most basic ways. If he's the problem, you certainly haven't been part of the solution...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Partymix19]

No sexism.

[fromheart]

Whether people believe it or not, sexism is not dead and it is especially alive in the work place.

 

Very true. When I had female bosses, they would do their best to make my working life difficult, if I turned down their sleazy, disgusting sexual advances.

[The Outlaw]

No, it just sounds like he's willing to step on anyone and everyone he can to get what he wants. You've been there longer, so what you say can carry a lot of weight. If you don't see this guy on a regular basis, talk to your boss about it. Likely, nothing will be done but at least it will be known.

[Lotsgoingon]

I don't doubt your feeling of sexism ... Nor that there have been many experiences beyond this guy ... that revealed bias in the company. And I get your rising anger over feeling like you had to keep quiet.

 

But ... if you are going to talk to a boss ... leave "sexism" out of it ... Just make your case for enjoying your job more ... and getting credit for your success ... the boss will pick up that you're talking about "sexism" ... but you don't want to use that ... because ... well ... things get legal ... people get ridiculously defensive ... and because your boss this one day ... can resolve the issue of "sexism" at the workplace in ... one meeting.

 

Is there a woman somewhere in your job that you can talk to? Can you consult privately with HR? You want to be strategic ... plan your talk with your boss ... because otherwise folks will dismiss your complaints--as people have done so here.

 

I have mentored several young women ... and then heard their stories of workplace treatment in real time ... and I gotta say ... I am astonished ... at the ignorance and harassment they encountered ... BTW: none of these women really were looking out for sexism or expecting it ... or really took seriously the history of workplace discrimination against women ... and then ... they ran into some nasty walls.

[preraph]

I don't know if it's sexism but I do know that what you have is a guy who's climbing over You to The top. he knows what he's doing and he knows you know what he's doing but you haven't spoken up yet so he's just going to keep doing it. You need to wait until you're all around other people and especially a supervisor or something and the next time he makes a statement like that you need to immediately call bulls**t on him in public and loudly so he won't try it again.

 

Like, Excuse me, John? Are you seriously trying to take credit for my project? As far as I know no one asked you to take on any of my task certainly not myself and if anyone else did I was not in the loop.

 

then look around the room and say anyone got any input into this?

 

if you don't call him out loudly in public he's going to keep doing this until he has your job in the person above you. but it's not good to wait and save it up and then go complaining about it with the litany when you can just get speak up and point out the fallacies right when they're happening and do it in front of other people.

[Redhead14]

This guys behavior could have happened whether you were a man or a woman. So don't bring that into it.

 

I know that the reason he told me he wants a pay rise is because he has no idea that he's stepped on my toes so badly and he's hoping I'll put in a good word for him,

 

I don't think it's fair to start hammering this guy when you've never raised the issue to anyone for four years.

 

I also don't understand how someone can usurp duties that are/were yours unless you weren't doing them anyway. He saw things that needed to be done and took the initiative.

 

I didn't ever say anything because I'm the only female on staff and I was worried that if I complained I'd ultimately pay for it by being made so uncomfortable that I'd have to leave

 

If that was your legitimate concern then, what's changed now??? But besides that, you wouldn't have had to "complain", just sit down explain the situation and ask for clarity about your job duties and the new guy's. Plain and simple. No harm in that.

 

The time to have addressed this was when it was happening early on by documenting and having specific examples, etc. You didn't know if your boss knew the guy was doing these tasks? Why the heck didn't you ask him?

 

I think you need to keep your mouth shut because you don't have a leg to stand on in terms of sexism. However, if you're going to bring sexism into this, you need to remember that sexism is based on the perception that women are the "lesser"/weaker/passive sex. It doesn't look good that you've been passive for 4 years about it. Now it looks like you were OK with this until more money got mentioned. You were OK doing those tasks without more money then.

Edited June 15, 2019 by Redhead14

[d0nnivain]

if you can learn to stick up for yourself like that at work against the guy who is poaching your job, all should be fine.

Edited June 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator