Got ditched for porn...

[maroon5]

Hi. Ok my boyfriend and I have been dating for exactly 3 months and we were frends 5 months previous to that. The whole time I knew he watched porn and masterbated and I was ok with it. After we stared going out he told me he quit but that lasted 2 weeks and then he started again. The a month and a half ago he told me he quit and wasn't going to watch it anymore. Each time i didnt really care becuse I found it ok as long as i didnt see it. We also work together and on our third month anniversary we were schedule to work together. That day he told me he had begun watching porn again and it was every friday. One again, I didnt really care but what bothers me is that he didnt wait for me after work and just went home to watch porn.I ALWAYS wait for him regardless but he just ditched me on our anniversary day to go watch porn. This has hurt me deeply. I would understand if it was because he had some important work to do but it was simply to watch porn and that too on our anniversary day. Any other time i would have understood. I am now totally disgusted by him and dont want to go near him. I also dont let him touch me. Am i being too sensitive>?

[noclobber]

No, I don't think you are being too sensitive. I think you are doing the right thing.

 

I would like to tell you something about porn addition. I believe this will be useful to you. If you really love your boyfriend please pass on this advice to him and see if he takes it otherwise I would suggest that you leave him and move on to somebody else.

 

Ok, now here is the thing with pornography. Watching porn in itself does not have the capacity to create an addiction. You know what is the underlying agent behind the addiction? It's watching porn AND masturbating to it! Now thats a powerful combination and is really tough to break (that's why ur boyfriend says he will stop but goes back again). Porn addiction is precisely like drug addiction!! People may not agree to it as of now but eventually the truth will come out. It has been described as the crack cocaine of the new millenium!!

 

The next time u meet ur boyfriend plz suggest him to stop pornography not cold turkey but step by step. What exactly do i mean by that? He may watch porn BUT ask him not to masturbate to it. If he can achieve this he will stop viewing porn automatically. U just can't keep watching porn again and again without "something else" going on. So in my opinion "masturbating to porn" is the real culprit.

 

Usually people that are lonely and without wives or girlfriends fall for this stuff and its a shame ur boyfriend has a loyal girlfriend like u and still goes for this. But don't give up on him yet. As i said breaking porn addiction is like trying to break a drug addiction. So plz understand this and offer ur help to ur boyfriend. But if there is no change after a while then u will have to make a decision!!

 

Good Luck!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. We also work together and on our third month anniversary we were schedule to work together.

2. That day he told me he had begun watching porn again and it was every friday.

3. One again, I didnt really care but what bothers me is that he didnt wait for me after work and just went home to watch porn.

4. I ALWAYS wait for him regardless but he just ditched me on our anniversary day to go watch porn.

 

Just a few questions:

 

1. Did he know or remember that it was your three month anniversary? Few, if any guys would consider a 'three month' anniversary a big deal if their girlfriend's didn't mention it to them. Had you expressed your feelings on the 'three month anniversary' to him and reminded him when it was?

2. Was your anniversary day on Friday? If he didn't remember that it was an anniversary day and you didn't remind him, he may have just seen it as a regular old "porn Friday". He already told you that Fridays would be his night. In his mind, it may have just been a regular old Friday night if you didn't express the importance of this anniversary and that you wanted to do something special for it.

3. When he left without waiting, did he tell you he was going home to watch porn? Did you remind him it was your anniversary and that you would rather do something with him after work?

4. Just because you wait for him all the time doesn't mean that he will automatically feel that same obligation to wait for you - unless you have previously let him know that you prefer that he wait for you every night until you get off of work. Did he actually come right out and say "Sorry about the anniversary, but I would rather go home and watch porn"?

 

It sounds almost as if you are implying that he knew about the anniversary, and told you that he would rather go home and watch porn instead of be with you. If he came right out and told you that - then there is absolutely no reason to stay with him. That isn't porn addiction - that is just plain meanness and inconsideration - a deliberate thing said and done to hurt your feelings.

 

Now, if the 'three month' anniversary is something that was important to you, and you failed to let him know that and just assumed that it was going to be important to him on general principal - then he may have had no idea whatsoever about this 'anniversary' and he may have just figured since it was 'porn Friday' and you already told him that you don't mind him doing it - that it was ok to go on and do his thing.

 

Either way, there's some broken communication going on here. It is obvious that you are upset - but if you didn't let him know that the 'three month anniversary' was so important to you and remind him when it was and that you were hoping to do something special, then how is he supposed to know how much it means to you and how much it would hurt you to go on about his usual porn business (which you already approved of) on a Friday night?

[maroon 5]

Just a few questions:

 

1. Did he know or remember that it was your three month anniversary? Few, if any guys would consider a 'three month' anniversary a big deal if their girlfriend's didn't mention it to them. Had you expressed your feelings on the 'three month anniversary' to him and reminded him when it was?

2. Was your anniversary day on Friday? If he didn't remember that it was an anniversary day and you didn't remind him, he may have just seen it as a regular old "porn Friday". He already told you that Fridays would be his night. In his mind, it may have just been a regular old Friday night if you didn't express the importance of this anniversary and that you wanted to do something special for it.

3. When he left without waiting, did he tell you he was going home to watch porn? Did you remind him it was your anniversary and that you would rather do something with him after work?

4. Just because you wait for him all the time doesn't mean that he will automatically feel that same obligation to wait for you - unless you have previously let him know that you prefer that he wait for you every night until you get off of work. Did he actually come right out and say "Sorry about the anniversary, but I would rather go home and watch porn"?

 

It sounds almost as if you are implying that he knew about the anniversary, and told you that he would rather go home and watch porn instead of be with you. If he came right out and told you that - then there is absolutely no reason to stay with him. That isn't porn addiction - that is just plain meanness and inconsideration - a deliberate thing said and done to hurt your feelings.

 

Now, if the 'three month' anniversary is something that was important to you, and you failed to let him know that and just assumed that it was going to be important to him on general principal - then he may have had no idea whatsoever about this 'anniversary' and he may have just figured since it was 'porn Friday' and you already told him that you don't mind him doing it - that it was ok to go on and do his thing.

 

Either way, there's some broken communication going on here. It is obvious that you are upset - but if you didn't let him know that the 'three month anniversary' was so important to you and remind him when it was and that you were hoping to do something special, then how is he supposed to know how much it means to you and how much it would hurt you to go on about his usual porn business (which you already approved of) on a Friday night?

 

thank you for replying.

To ans ur q's...

 

1. yes he did. i dont even believe in celerbating 3,4,5 month anniversaries but it was him who insisted we did. And he came on at 12 AM to wish me too. He knew about it.

 

2. yes anniversary day was on friday. and he was like "yes! today is friday... today is porn nite!"

 

3. he said he had to go home at 10 because his sister was picking him up and i told him to go becuase otherwise if he waited hed have to take the bus. and i didnt want him to because its unsafe and it was cold. It wasnt untill i got home at 12 i realized that he probably went home to watch porno because its not liek he hasnt taken th bus before.

 

4. i dont really care if he waited for me or not. what i was trying to say is that i wait for him like 99% of the time but he left not because of watever reason but because of porn. if he had left simply because he didnt want to stay even then i woudlnt have cared much.

 

NO he didnt come right out and say it. If he had lol i would have told him i was mad rite then and there. he just said i have to go home. and i now he had nothing else to do and its porno nite. god its only one day a month cant he just forget about it that day. our other 2 annis he spent the whole day withme and stuff and it was probably because it was not a friday porn nite.

 

i guess its just the fact that i had no expectations for these anniversary things and then he gave me expectations and now he just left me disappointed.

[maroon5]

Just a few questions:

 

1. Did he know or remember that it was your three month anniversary? Few, if any guys would consider a 'three month' anniversary a big deal if their girlfriend's didn't mention it to them. Had you expressed your feelings on the 'three month anniversary' to him and reminded him when it was?

2. Was your anniversary day on Friday? If he didn't remember that it was an anniversary day and you didn't remind him, he may have just seen it as a regular old "porn Friday". He already told you that Fridays would be his night. In his mind, it may have just been a regular old Friday night if you didn't express the importance of this anniversary and that you wanted to do something special for it.

3. When he left without waiting, did he tell you he was going home to watch porn? Did you remind him it was your anniversary and that you would rather do something with him after work?

4. Just because you wait for him all the time doesn't mean that he will automatically feel that same obligation to wait for you - unless you have previously let him know that you prefer that he wait for you every night until you get off of work. Did he actually come right out and say "Sorry about the anniversary, but I would rather go home and watch porn"?

 

It sounds almost as if you are implying that he knew about the anniversary, and told you that he would rather go home and watch porn instead of be with you. If he came right out and told you that - then there is absolutely no reason to stay with him. That isn't porn addiction - that is just plain meanness and inconsideration - a deliberate thing said and done to hurt your feelings.

 

Now, if the 'three month' anniversary is something that was important to you, and you failed to let him know that and just assumed that it was going to be important to him on general principal - then he may have had no idea whatsoever about this 'anniversary' and he may have just figured since it was 'porn Friday' and you already told him that you don't mind him doing it - that it was ok to go on and do his thing.

 

Either way, there's some broken communication going on here. It is obvious that you are upset - but if you didn't let him know that the 'three month anniversary' was so important to you and remind him when it was and that you were hoping to do something special, then how is he supposed to know how much it means to you and how much it would hurt you to go on about his usual porn business (which you already approved of) on a Friday night?

 

thank you for replying.

To ans ur q's...

 

1. yes he did. i dont even believe in celerbating 3,4,5 month anniversaries but it was him who insisted we did. And he came on at 12 AM to wish me too. He knew about it.

 

2. yes anniversary day was on friday. and he was like "yes! today is friday... today is porn nite!"

 

3. he said he had to go home at 10 because his sister was picking him up and i told him to go becuase otherwise if he waited hed have to take the bus. and i didnt want him to because its unsafe and it was cold. It wasnt untill i got home at 12 i realized that he probably went home to watch porno because its not liek he hasnt taken th bus before.

 

4. i dont really care if he waited for me or not. what i was trying to say is that i wait for him like 99% of the time but he left not because of watever reason but because of porn. if he had left simply because he didnt want to stay even then i woudlnt have cared much.

 

NO he didnt come right out and say it. If he had lol i would have told him i was mad rite then and there. he just said i have to go home. and i now he had nothing else to do and its porno nite. god its only one day a month cant he just forget about it that day. our other 2 annis he spent the whole day withme and stuff and it was probably because it was not a friday porn nite.

 

i guess its just the fact that i had no expectations for these anniversary things and then he gave me expectations and now he just left me disappointed.

[LucreziaBorgia]

That was unfair of him to give you expectations of an anniversary if he didn't really intend to do anything special with you.

 

What is troubling though is

 

he said he had to go home at 10 because his sister was picking him up and i told him to go becuase otherwise if he waited hed have to take the bus. and i didnt want him to because its unsafe and it was cold. It wasnt untill i got home at 12 i realized that he probably went home to watch porno because its not liek he hasnt taken th bus before.

 

So, are you saying he didn't wait for you because you told him to go ahead and go?

 

Are you upset because he did as you asked, and then got home and probably watched porn since it was Friday night?

 

Hoo boy. Mixed signals. I expect if you were to rip into him, he'd be confused. You said it was ok to watch the porn. You said it was ok to watch it on Friday nights. You said that it was ok for him to go ahead home and not wait for you. I'm not sure how he is supposed to know he did anything wrong, if you were the one giving him the 'ok' on all this.

 

I get the idea that you were hoping that he wouldn't take you up on this stuff and would instead do the opposite:

 

Voluntarily give up porn even though you said it was ok.

Wait for you after work anyway, even though you said it was ok to go.

 

If there are things that you would like to see or not see happen - then don't give him the impression that you are ok with the opposite. You won't sound like a nag for standing up for what you want and do not want out of this - and it will be far less confusing for him as well. He needs to know exactly how you feel, and what you expect so that he doesn't keep doing like you say is ok for him to do, and then you end up feeling hurt when he takes you up on it.

[maroon5]

That was unfair of him to give you expectations of an anniversary if he didn't really intend to do anything special with you.

 

What is troubling though is

 

 

 

So, are you saying he didn't wait for you because you told him to go ahead and go?

 

Are you upset because he did as you asked, and then got home and probably watched porn since it was Friday night?

 

Hoo boy. Mixed signals. I expect if you were to rip into him, he'd be confused. You said it was ok to watch the porn. You said it was ok to watch it on Friday nights. You said that it was ok for him to go ahead home and not wait for you. I'm not sure how he is supposed to know he did anything wrong, if you were the one giving him the 'ok' on all this.

 

I get the idea that you were hoping that he wouldn't take you up on this stuff and would instead do the opposite:

 

Voluntarily give up porn even though you said it was ok.

Wait for you after work anyway, even though you said it was ok to go.

 

If there are things that you would like to see or not see happen - then don't give him the impression that you are ok with the opposite. You won't sound like a nag for standing up for what you want and do not want out of this - and it will be far less confusing for him as well. He needs to know exactly how you feel, and what you expect so that he doesn't keep doing like you say is ok for him to do, and then you end up feeling hurt when he takes you up on it.

 

yes thank u lol thats why i feel im being a bit too sensitive. cuz i kept saying its ok its ok