yes I fell for the lies, why guys brag about cheating?

[Helivesforme]

I know what I did was wrong, I was severely depressed and confided In a male supervisor at work. This was 3 years ago. It started as us being friends and he was obvious that he was willing to cheat on his wife to have some fun on the side however I told him I wasn’t interested in that and continued just having casual conversations.

 

Any way, fast forward. He would compliment me. And I would tell him that those are for his wife & it just didn’t feel right. However I was extremely vulnerable and thought it would be okay to continue a platonic friendship because I was having issues at home and he was able to put a smile on my face. He was always positive, upbeat & available to talk. As time passed he started to grow more attached it seemed.

 

He would get jealous and act possessive at work and since I was emotionally damaged at the time I started believing that he genuinely cared about me. After about 2 months of chatting via work computer he asked for my phone number so that we could text because all work computer messages were recorded. He kept hinting at wanting my number but I never thought anything of it. I just thought this friendly flirting was just to pass the time and distract me from the numbness I was feeling. Eventually I gave him my phone number and we started texting.

 

He would text and call me for holidays. He would call me on his way to work, after work, I’m his days off. On my days off while he was working. He was very attentive, took interest in my life. However we just talked and messaged. He invited me to coffee and kind of guilt tripped me into it. I told him I didn’t like the pressure but sure we could grab coffee. One thing led to another and after a year, of texting, calling, casual hugs, we finally kissed. He started acting very strange at work.

 

He would purposely put himself in places where I would bump into him. He didn’t seem to care that other people at work knew he liked me. He would change his voice & demeanor when I was around and seemed like he wanted all the men at work to know that we were talking. This made me feel very uncomfortable, not only were we cheating but he wanted to display it. So I started to pull away ., off n on I would tell him I needed time to think & that I wasn’t feeling good about the situation. I told him that it was wrong & that I felt guilt every day. That it was weighing on me. He would ask me questions like, how did you sleep in front of another male supervisor.

 

He would show favoritism toward me & I asked him not to give me special treatment. He would always tell me that I was difficult and that he wanted to get to know me but of course never wanted to go on dates or Spend real quality time together. I would see him talking to a male co worker , he would look at me & smile & the male co worker would later start acting flirty with me. I don’t know if he bragged about our affair & I don’t understand why someone would want everyone to know about his business. His texts and calls continued & I got used to talking to him that at times I would feel anxious or paranoid. He would walk into my office look at me & walk out.

 

Everyone at the office started noticing his behavior and the tension between Us. This continued for about 2 years. We never slept together. There was kissing , groping and such but I stopped talking to him. Kinda cut him off, he started trying to make me jealous. He hinted that he wanted to talk again but I told him there was no point.

 

It wasn’t going anywhere and he wasn’t making time. We were on different pages and I again reminded him I wasn’t going to sleep with him. I grew angry when other male co workers started asking if the rumors were true. I called him and yelled at him questioning whether or not he was spreading rumors at work & that this isn’t what I wanted. He still tries to act like he cares about me , does it sound like he had feelings or was this all just a way for him to bed me & brag to his work buddies about it?

 

I felt hurt, yes I know it’s my fault & I take responsibility. Why would he want to brag about talking to me? Why?

Also, I was to transfer to another office , so he ended up leaving but he returns to work special projects. So he will see me & again try to talk to me again. Why is he doing this! Some examples of what he would do. He would be outside in the parking lot when I walked out so he could run into me. He would try to show up to work at the same time so we could run into each other. He would frown and say I was being cold when I would ignore or avoid him. Why would he not care that everyone knew he wanted me?

[smackie9]

No this is not your fault. He made advances, and continued to do so. He knew you were vulnerable and that makes him a predator. You should go to HR and place a complaint. What he is doing is harassing you. No one should be treated like that. He's a pig. So unprofessional. I suggest you seek out some counseling to sort out what happened to you.

Edited June 15, 2019 by smackie9

[Helivesforme]

Do you think it bothers him that I never gave into sex and that he wasn’t able to get what he wanted? I do care for him as a person but what I don’t understand is why he keeps acting this way. He will walk in and out of the office , look in my direction and stare at me for a few seconds. Maybe he wants to start conversation. But he would call me while I was at work to wish me a happy thanksgiving. I still have feelings for him which is why I distanced myself. It’s been about 6-7 months where we haven’t been talking much. Will he eventually leave me alone? I got into a bad car accident and I texted him to let him know because I knew he would be concerned. I feel like an idiot buying him gifts for his birthday while he just kept trying to sleep with me. Does it sound like he’s crazy or hurt?

[smackie9]

Give your head a shake. Why would you care for someone that is a creep. Someone who played on your vulnerability...propositioned you, willing to cheat on his wife. Now he's harassing you. He sounds obsessive and craycray. He doesn't have feelings hurt, his ego is bruised. He invested in being a support for you for 2 years, and he got nothing for it in the end. I think as you step further back from this you will see what I mean. like I said, go to HR and place a harassment complaint. No one should treat you that way or talk about you like that in the workplace. You are being victimized here. You need to find your self worth.

Edited June 15, 2019 by smackie9

[Helivesforme]

I was a willing participant , thinking that this option would help me feel sane and happy again. I thought he could relate to my pain & suffering. I thought I was making him happy also. I thought we were being there for one another and that he cared for me. Ultimately I knew he was married and continued to speak to him. Do you think he thinks he still has a chance? Which is why he was acting that way? He looks happy to see me yet doesn’t say anything. He helped me out at work and had my back , maybe I hurt him?

[d0nnivain]

He was your supervisor. This relationship was never on equal footing & even though you were a willing participant he took advantage of your emotional turmoil & vulnerability. On top of that he was indiscrete. He bragged because he thought it would cause other men to think him more of a stud; when he bragged he showed that he only cared about himself not you.

 

 

Stay far away from him & stop thinking of him as a good person. He's a cheater who can't be trusted.

[Helivesforme]

He was your supervisor. This relationship was never on equal footing & even though you were a willing participant he took advantage of your emotional turmoil & vulnerability. On top of that he was indiscrete. He bragged because he thought it would cause other men to think him more of a stud; when he bragged he showed that he only cared about himself not you.

 

 

Stay far away from him & stop thinking of him as a good person. He's a cheater who can't be trusted.

Good lord! I had to see him again this morning & I try to keep it professional. I said good morning. Then he came into the office to talk to another employee and he said a general good morning but I didn’t acknowledge it. He also said good bye to everyone but I didn’t say anything. I hope he gets the hint, I just wish I didn’t have to see him at all.

Edited July 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Beendaredonedat]

Have you gotten yourself into therapy to help you with your depression, low self-worth and anxiety? That is what you should be focusing on now so that you don't allow your vulnerability to lead you down a path with yet another masher like he is.

 

You don't know for sure that he has bragged about his escapades with you so put that out of your head for now. It could be that people started to ask questions simply because the way that you two interacted together started the rumour mill chugging.

 

You are doing your best to keep things professional and to end the affair so keep doing that. Take the focus off of your thinking that you possibly have been hurting him in some way or anything else regarding him and work on getting over the emotional ramifications of your affair ending with the help of a professional if that is what it takes to get yourself to the stage of indifference to him.

 

Also: Stop wondering why he comes into your office, doesn't say anything and leaves. It doesn't matter now what is thoughts or motives are. Its done!

[Helivesforme]

Yes, thank you. I didn’t realize how low I had become. I let my guard down and allowed him into my life. It is because I experienced a traumatic event and he helped me out at work. He was on my side & he most likely did it for his benefit. However I see that he promised me nothing & tries to make me jealous. I was going to individual therapy but I haven’t gone in awhile. It is because at times I do feel alone & like no one understands me. I can’t understand why one person would try to hurt another person because they didn’t get their way. He was supposed to be my friend & I trusted him. It took me awhile but I did trust that he wouldn’t share our business with others. I may have that emotional attachment to him. He probably comes in to get my attention but he has nothing to say to me directly so I just ignore him.

[d0nnivain]

If you don't want to see him anymore, start looking for another job.

[Helivesforme]

If you don't want to see him anymore, start looking for another job.

Unfortunately I cannot leave but I should be leaving soon for a better opportunity in the company. This past Saturday he came in and said good morning to me. I haven’t really talked to him in months. Then he came in again later that day and asked me about my possible promotion and I remained professional. I asked him how his new assignment was. I got stuck answering some phone calls, he stood in front of me waiting to answe a question I asked but since I got stuck , he left the room because there were 4 other people in the office.

[ExpatInItaly]

I felt hurt, yes I know it’s my fault & I take responsibility. Why would he want to brag about talking to me? Why?

 

Because even though he is married, he's your garden-variety player. His ego likes the idea that women want him, and that's "still got it." That's all it is, really.

 

He's not a good guy and was never truly your friend. For your own sake, keep the interactions professional and limit them as much you can. He's just toying with you.

[Helivesforme]

Because even though he is married, he's your garden-variety player. His ego likes the idea that women want him, and that's "still got it." That's all it is, really.

 

He's not a good guy and was never truly your friend. For your own sake, keep the interactions professional and limit them as much you can. He's just toying with you.

It used to anger me because of what a liar he was. I eventually realized he was trying to play me but there were also a lot of things that made me question whether or not he cared because I didn’t want him to feel badly. For example, he would side with me even when it wasn’t in his best favor. He was really obvious at work that he liked me and tried to mark his territory although I was never his. He would constantly check on me & tell me about his fears and he thought I was playing games with him. I cut him off last year because I told him we didn’t want the same thing and it wasn’t going anywhere and it never would so there was no point. He was very hurt or maybe I only hurt his ego. I felt bad and I told him happy birthday and got him cupcakes and he said why? You stopped talking to me! He was very emotional at work and I told him he was acting weird so now he hasn’t talked about his emotions or feelings. He risked his reputation because everyone thought he sided with me because we had this relationship going on but really it was because he knew me better than anyone else at work. I felt like he was toying with me but I got stuck working a double shift on thanksgiving and he called the office while he was home to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. At times I think it was a lesson learned and I have some good memories to take with me but another part of me doesn’t trust that he was as honest and genuine. This is why I’m still thinking of and talking about him.

[ExpatInItaly]

IAt times I think it was a lesson learned and I have some good memories to take with me but another part of me doesn’t trust that he was as honest and genuine. This is why I’m still thinking of and talking about him.

 

You shouldn't, because he wasn't. The dude is married. He is not honest or genuine, with you or anyone else involved in his personal life.

 

Whether or not he ever cared is beside the point with a man like this. He is someone else's husband and won't ever be available to be a friend to you.

[Helivesforme]

You shouldn't, because he wasn't. The dude is married. He is not honest or genuine, with you or anyone else involved in his personal life.

 

Whether or not he ever cared is beside the point with a man like this. He is someone else's husband and won't ever be available to be a friend to you.

That’s the thing, he was always available. He would text me at all hours of the day. Even when he was on vacation , on holidays, while he was with his family. He took his son on a camping trip and he would message me but I told him he should focus on spending some quality time. I guess to him it was his time to get away from daily stresses. He has to work a lot. I know I shouldn’t care anymore but I invested a lot of time and energy

[ExpatInItaly]

That’s the thing, he was always available. He would text me at all hours of the day. Even when he was on vacation , on holidays, while he was with his family. He took his son on a camping trip and he would message me but I told him he should focus on spending some quality time. I guess to him it was his time to get away from daily stresses. He has to work a lot. I know I shouldn’t care anymore but I invested a lot of time and energy

 

I meant emotionally available, OP.

 

He called a lot, but so what? He didn't take any steps to dissolve his marriage and actually be with you. You were a distraction from the doldrums of married life. It is actually pretty despicable that he was in touch with you even while on a trip with his son. You have blinders on; this man is low-quality.

 

Look, your investment of time and energy was a poor and misguided one. Never invest in someone who is not even single.

[Helivesforme]

You are right , at the time I thought he could relate to me but not is quite clear that he is not a good person. He pretends to be & seems validation from everyone. I ignored the red flags and signs because I was vulnerable. I’m moving on , trouble is o still have to see him & im reminded of my failure to stop him from playing me.

[Helivesforme]

I meant emotionally available, OP.

 

He called a lot, but so what? He didn't take any steps to dissolve his marriage and actually be with you. You were a distraction from the doldrums of married life. It is actually pretty despicable that he was in touch with you even while on a trip with his son. You have blinders on; this man is low-quality.

 

Look, your investment of time and energy was a poor and misguided one. Never invest in someone who is not even single.

I constantly feel tormented and embarrassed

[The Outlaw]

He brags about it like cheating is SUCH an accomplishment. Wow. What a d*ck. You can't fault yourself for this in any way because you were feeling vulnerable at the time, and thought you had found someone that you could trust, relate to and confide in. Trust me, I've been there. But he simply played on your emotions and was willing to risk ending his marriage over it. He doesn't care about you, because if he did, he'd get a *hint* and back off. And he isn't as slick as he thinks. People talk. But I do wonder how his wife would feel about his workplace antics if she found out. Do whatever you can to do brush this clueless idiot off. It isn't going to get any better. Do what smackie9 suggested and contact HR and file a complaint. Block him. Inform his supervisor. Anything is better than nothing.

[Helivesforme]

He brags about it like cheating is SUCH an accomplishment. Wow. What a d*ck. You can't fault yourself for this in any way because you were feeling vulnerable at the time, and thought you had found someone that you could trust, relate to and confide in. Trust me, I've been there. But he simply played on your emotions and was willing to risk ending his marriage over it. He doesn't care about you, because if he did, he'd get a *hint* and back off. And he isn't as slick as he thinks. People talk. But I do wonder how his wife would feel about his workplace antics if she found out. Do whatever you can to do brush this clueless idiot off. It isn't going to get any better. Do what smackie9 suggested and contact HR and file a complaint. Block him. Inform his supervisor. Anything is better than nothing.

Yes, unfortunately I ignored the red flags. It never felt right but it was nice to see that I made someone happy since my husband was always so miserable and would remind me of what a horrible person I was daily. I think he bragged because I am pretty reserved and just keep it professional so for people to hear that I was involved with him got him a lot of attention because no one knew anything about me. I applied for a promotion and was to leave soon , seems like he was trying to sleep with me before I left so that I would be out of his hair. I am no longer in contact with him. I had to see him today again and his face lit up when he saw me and he said good morning but I just said good morning real quick and walked away , I don’t want to give him the opportunity to talk to me. Even more troubling is that now my DH works with the same company but different location, he knows this but it still doesn’t stop him from talking to me. He complained about his wife to

Me n I told him he needs to talk to his wife and communicate with her. I’m assuming he thought I would feel badly for him and speak negatively about his wide which I did not. I can’t fix their problems and I don’t know what he does to her to have her act out. That is if he’s not making it up.

[ExpatInItaly]

All you can really do is continue to ignore any personal advances he might make. I don't see another option, if you can't leave this job.

 

It's not ever going to become a true relationship, so what you choose to do now isn't going to affect the ultimate outcome (in that sense) It will, however, either serve to preserve your heart, dignity and professional reputation - or completely leave it all in ruins.

 

Choice is yours now.

[TheFinalWord]

Unlike others, I don't see the vulnerability excuses as a reason for you to cheat. Unless you have a mental handicap or were raped, you made a choice to cheat with a married man. You have to own what you did, and stop trying to make it look like it was all him and woe is you. Whoops! I didn't mean to cheat! I just returned all his hundreds of text messages out of weakness. But I only ever told him to talk to his wife! I hate when women lay on the innocent act. They want equality, until it comes to paying the consequences. Then the man is the bad guy that took advantage of the weak woman. You both were wrong, equally.

 

You should have went to HR a long time ago. You're dealing with a married man that is cheating on his wife and you're wondering why his immoral behaviors are only limited to one area? He doesn't know the meaning of boundaries. Sorry to be harsh, but the victim mentality drives me nuts. At the end of the day, you can't get away with immoral acts. They ALWAYS have consequences. Eventually. Even if no one finds out, they have internal consequences.

 

At this point, you need to request a transfer.

Edited June 30, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[Helivesforme]

All you can really do is continue to ignore any personal advances he might make. I don't see another option, if you can't leave this job.

 

It's not ever going to become a true relationship, so what you choose to do now isn't going to affect the ultimate outcome (in that sense) It will, however, either serve to preserve your heart, dignity and professional reputation - or completely leave it all in ruins.

 

Choice is yours now.

I should’ve never asked him how he was doing last week after he asked me. Now I saw him and his face lights up likes he’s inviting me back in. I just said good morning and walked off with the coffee pot. I hope it’s not too late to preserve my rep.

[Helivesforme]

Unlike others, I don't see the vulnerability excuses as a reason for you to cheat. Unless you have a mental handicap or were raped, you made a choice to cheat with a married man. You have to own what you did, and stop trying to make it look like it was all him and woe is you. Whoops! I didn't mean to cheat! I just returned all his hundreds of text messages out of weakness. But I only ever told him to talk to his wife! I hate when women lay on the innocent act. They want equality, until it comes to paying the consequences. Then the man is the bad guy that took advantage of the weak woman. You both were wrong, equally.

 

You should have went to HR a long time ago. You're dealing with a married man that is cheating on his wife and you're wondering why his immoral behaviors are only limited to one area? He doesn't know the meaning of boundaries. Sorry to be harsh, but the victim mentality drives me nuts. At the end of the day, you can't get away with immoral acts. They ALWAYS have consequences. Eventually. Even if no one finds out, they have internal consequences.

 

At this point, you need to request a transfer.

If you read all my threads I do take responsibility I’m only thinking back about how vulnerable and naive I was thinking he wanted to be my friend even though very early on he said he wanted to kiss me and I told him if he would’ve I would’ve punched him in the face. Then he continued to talk to me for a year almost 2 thinking I would give in but I didn’t. When I stopped talking to him he kept showing up in the hallway or outside by the parking lot or inside the office. He tried making me jealous too. Any way. He’s already left to another location for another position. I’m still there but he comes back to work overtime so I have to see him maybe 1-4 times a month which isn’t bad. I just try to keep it short & professional. Seems like he wants to talk to me but I have a wall up

[ExpatInItaly]

Good, keep that wall up, OP.

 

You’re both married. Unless and until you’re not, you need to conduct yourself with integrity and respect your marriage even if he doesn’t.