yes I fell for the lies, why guys brag about cheating?

[Helivesforme]

Agreed. You should’ve seen me this last time I had to see him he came into the office joking around with some guys in my office and I didn’t look up at him. I stayed seated at my desk, leaning it and logging onto my computer. Later I had to grab water downstairs for the coffee. Well he just so happened to be walking g toward the meeting room near the kitchen where I was exiting. He stood there and with a huge smile asked good morning n how I was doing ? I said good and you? As I was speed walking out of there. I later saw him looking at me from across the hall when I was standing at my desk. Whew. This schedule I have works out for me at the time so it’s unfortunate that I have to leave it. I won’t be seeing him this month hopefully.

[ExpatInItaly]

I still think you're feeding off the attention from him and secretly relishing the fact that he's saying hi and looking at you.

 

What this means is that when the day comes that he is totally indifferent to you and moves on to next woman, you are going to fall apart emotionally.

Edited July 3, 2019 by ExpatInItaly

[Helivesforme]

I still think you're feeding off the attention from him and secretly relishing the fact that he's saying hi and looking at you.

 

What this means is that when the day comes that he is totally indifferent to you and moves on to next woman, you are going to fall apart emotionally.

I can see how you would think that but months ago he tried flirting with other female co workers in front of me to get a rise and he did because it hurt my feelings but now I don’t want this attention from him because if he cared about me he would never try to hurt me & make me jealous. In the past I have contached him and what he was doing worked. Now I just ignore it because he is not someone that deserves to be a part of my life. He made me very uncomfortable, a part of me wants to believe he isn’t a bad person but I now see how empty he is inside. He can find someone else to fill the void or to stroke his ego.

Edited July 3, 2019 by Helivesforme

[Helivesforme]

I still think you're feeding off the attention from him and secretly relishing the fact that he's saying hi and looking at you.

 

What this means is that when the day comes that he is totally indifferent to you and moves on to next woman, you are going to fall apart emotionally.

I’m not going to give him that power anymore. I don’t want him making my life uncomfortable at work so I put on a smile & I just act like I’m ok. Keeping it professional So he doesn’t think it’s an invitation to get personal again.

[usa1ah]

Are you still married?

 

Does your husband know you have cheated on him?

[usa1ah]

Why everyone thinks it is so rare to wait til marriage.

 

My wife and I did, her choice.

 

We brought our kids up this way as well.

 

I brought my boys up to respect women and to be men.

 

Funny thing is they found like minded partners.

[Tamfana]

If you read all my threads I do take responsibility I’m only thinking back about how vulnerable and naive I was thinking he wanted to be my friend even though very early on he said he wanted to kiss me and I told him if he would’ve I would’ve punched him in the face. Then he continued to talk to me for a year almost 2 thinking I would give in but I didn’t. When I stopped talking to him he kept showing up in the hallway or outside by the parking lot or inside the office. He tried making me jealous too. Any way. He’s already left to another location for another position. I’m still there but he comes back to work overtime so I have to see him maybe 1-4 times a month which isn’t bad. I just try to keep it short & professional. Seems like he wants to talk to me but I have a wall up

 

Good. Keep that wall up.

 

Some people are just predatory. As they say, the devil wears prada-- he's gonna come seeming goooood. The metaphorical devil will talk sweet and do the things he knows will work to get what he wants. Predators of every species learn the strategy to catch prey. For humans, that means they have to charm and appeal.

 

But this is what gets to the question in the title of your post- why guys brag about cheating. Anyone who does wrong to others NEEDS affirmation that they're okay, that they're good, despite what they did to others. By bragging people are actually seeking affirmation, praise as a salve or a compensation. If you can collect praise and status, harming others doesn't eat away at you as much, your conscience can be quieted.

 

Anyway, the guy deliberately worked on you and no matter what you did he is and always will be responsible for himself and his actions.

[aliveagain]

You should have went to HR a long time ago. You're dealing with a married man that is cheating on his wife and you're wondering why his immoral behaviors are only limited to one area? He doesn't know the meaning of boundaries. Sorry to be harsh, but the victim mentality drives me nuts. At the end of the day, you can't get away with immoral acts. They ALWAYS have consequences. Eventually. Even if no one finds out, they have internal consequences.

 

At this point, you need to request a transfer.

 

Most of the affairs I've been told about were from players bragging about their conquests in bars. These guys get off on chasing women in committed relationships. A grand slam to them is banging someones wife in their home and in their bed. This makes them feel superior, but being superior isn't a real achievement if no one knows about it. They will never leave their wife unless there is an advantage to them for doing so(financial, lifestyle). They already know divorce will leave them in financial ruin, this is why they throw their affair partners under the bus so quickly when exposed.

 

These type of guys will often have more then one married woman on the go. They love the hunt. What most women don't get right away is if these guys will do this to someone who has given them children they won't hesitate to do it to them. Just look up the definition of a "player" someone who doesn't want to commit but makes their partner believe he does.

 

My guess is your husband thinks you have cheated but you have never confessed to him that you have. Your playing him until you find someone you think is better, just my opinion from reading what you have posted.

[Helivesforme]

Good. Keep that wall up.

 

Some people are just predatory. As they say, the devil wears prada-- he's gonna come seeming goooood. The metaphorical devil will talk sweet and do the things he knows will work to get what he wants. Predators of every species learn the strategy to catch prey. For humans, that means they have to charm and appeal.

 

But this is what gets to the question in the title of your post- why guys brag about cheating. Anyone who does wrong to others NEEDS affirmation that they're okay, that they're good, despite what they did to others. By bragging people are actually seeking affirmation, praise as a salve or a compensation. If you can collect praise and status, harming others doesn't eat away at you as much, your conscience can be quieted.

 

Anyway, the guy deliberately worked on you and no matter what you did he is and always will be responsible for himself and his actions.

I’m embarrassed that I allowed it. Alot of what he did was super douchey but he would always ask to see me while he was working and he would always ask for hugs and tried to get my attention by doing so much, too much that everyone started noticing his behavior. I don’t think he will ever stop, he keeps coming around. I think he’s trying to find me at another vunerable time. He helped me get a better schedule when I didn’t even ask him & he also had my back. Why would he risk & sacrifice his reputation?

[Helivesforme]

Most of the affairs I've been told about were from players bragging about their conquests in bars. These guys get off on chasing women in committed relationships. A grand slam to them is banging someones wife in their home and in their bed. This makes them feel superior, but being superior isn't a real achievement if no one knows about it. They will never leave their wife unless there is an advantage to them for doing so(financial, lifestyle). They already know divorce will leave them in financial ruin, this is why they throw their affair partners under the bus so quickly when exposed.

 

These type of guys will often have more then one married woman on the go. They love the hunt. What most women don't get right away is if these guys will do this to someone who has given them children they won't hesitate to do it to them. Just look up the definition of a "player" someone who doesn't want to commit but makes their partner believe he does.

 

My guess is your husband thinks you have cheated but you have never confessed to him that you have. Your playing him until you find someone you think is better, just my opinion from reading what you have posted.

You are wrong. I wasn’t looking for anyone. We became friends at work and confided in one another & I was the one that caught feelings but you are right, he likes the challenge and the hunt but he never got what he wanted.

[Maddie82]

In all honesty, i have no sympathy for you. You knew from the very beginning what he wanted from you (he told you so) and you still went ahead and fooled around with him. Neither of you gave any thought to the hurt and pain you were causing your spouses. You are hooked on the attention he gave you and Expat is right that you still relish the attention he still gives you, and that you will fall apart if it all completely stops. Yes, he was bragging to his friends in the office that he was fooling around with you. I can guarantee that the whole office knows about it, but as someone else pointed out, that's on both of you, not just him. You are both as equally responsible for this. Try completely ignoring him when he says good morning. Act like he isn't there. That big smile on his face is because he can see he still has an effect on you. You may think you're not showing it, but he CAN see it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why would he risk & sacrifice his reputation?

 

The same question could be asked of you, OP.

 

Why did you take the risk?

[Tamfana]

I’m embarrassed that I allowed it. Alot of what he did was super douchey but he would always ask to see me while he was working and he would always ask for hugs and tried to get my attention by doing so much, too much that everyone started noticing his behavior. I don’t think he will ever stop, he keeps coming around. I think he’s trying to find me at another vunerable time. He helped me get a better schedule when I didn’t even ask him & he also had my back. Why would he risk & sacrifice his reputation?

 

Be careful to not get stuck on wanting to know why. We can't truly know all of the motivations someone might have. For some, wanting or needing to know why just keeps them stuck in attachment to someone or to a situation they know is damaging, to themselves and/or to others. In the end, no matter why he does what he does, you choose who you are and what you want your life to be.

 

I don't see much risk to his reputation at all. You're not inclined to harm him. And in practical terms, as soon as there is a consensual relationship- two are tangoing- there's little risk to him.

 

As for being embarrassed, I'd think that all people of conscience have moments of thinking, "what was I thinking?" It happens.

[Helivesforme]

In all honesty, i have no sympathy for you. You knew from the very beginning what he wanted from you (he told you so) and you still went ahead and fooled around with him. Neither of you gave any thought to the hurt and pain you were causing your spouses. You are hooked on the attention he gave you and Expat is right that you still relish the attention he still gives you, and that you will fall apart if it all completely stops. Yes, he was bragging to his friends in the office that he was fooling around with you. I can guarantee that the whole office knows about it, but as someone else pointed out, that's on both of you, not just him. You are both as equally responsible for this. Try completely ignoring him when he says good morning. Act like he isn't there. That big smile on his face is because he can see he still has an effect on you. You may think you're not showing it, but he CAN see it.

Now I see what he wanted from the beginning , when I was actually in the situation I could not tell, all I knew was that I no longer felt numb. I told him early on I wasn’t interested in fooling around and that I only wanted to be platonic friends and he said he was fine with it. As time passed, I would say 3-6 months we began to get emotionally attached. Surprisingly,

I liked his attention only when he would text and call me but not in front of others at work. He made it uncomfortable for me but I thought it was just him being him being friendly, talkative & attentive. He is very friendly to everyone. I try to act normal around him , I’ll try to use the tips you’ve given. Thank you. Once I removed myself from whatever it was that we shared ,I fortunately realized it was all a game to

Him.

[Helivesforme]

The same question could be asked of you, OP.

 

Why did you take the risk?

I stupidly trusted him thinking he wouldn’t say anything because he too would tarnish his image & repuation. Looks like he did not care!

[Helivesforme]

Be careful to not get stuck on wanting to know why. We can't truly know all of the motivations someone might have. For some, wanting or needing to know why just keeps them stuck in attachment to someone or to a situation they know is damaging, to themselves and/or to others. In the end, no matter why he does what he does, you choose who you are and what you want your life to be.

 

I don't see much risk to his reputation at all. You're not inclined to harm him. And in practical terms, as soon as there is a consensual relationship- two are tangoing- there's little risk to him.

 

As for being embarrassed, I'd think that all people of conscience have moments of thinking, "what was I thinking?" It happens.

Yes, especially since he would respond with laughter. He thought that my feelings weren’t real because he has been hurt & betrayed in the past. My moods would change by the hour & daily at times because of the guilt that I felt talking to him. At times I told him I just needed time to re-evaluate. He is my superior at work so I couldn’t just cut him off without it being awkward so when he contacted me I would try to play it cool and be a friend. When I decided to end things he texted if we were cool. I said as long as he respected my healing process and he responded with a joke or laughter. I can’t remember which one but he said he was good to me. I told him we could agree to disagree and he wasn’t too happy.

[ExpatInItaly]

I stupidly trusted him thinking he wouldn’t say anything because he too would tarnish his image & repuation. Looks like he did not care!

 

But you took more than a risk to your reputation. You risked your marriage too. Even engaging in this was a risk, regardless of whether he opened his mouth or not.

 

Why did you make that choice?

[Maddie82]

Now I see what he wanted from the beginning , when I was actually in the situation I could not tell, all I knew was that I no longer felt numb. I told him early on I wasn’t interested in fooling around and that I only wanted to be platonic friends and he said he was fine with it. As time passed, I would say 3-6 months we began to get emotionally attached. Surprisingly,

I liked his attention only when he would text and call me but not in front of others at work. He made it uncomfortable for me but I thought it was just him being him being friendly, talkative & attentive. He is very friendly to everyone. I try to act normal around him , I’ll try to use the tips you’ve given. Thank you. Once I removed myself from whatever it was that we shared ,I fortunately realized it was all a game to

Him.

 

That's exactly what it is to men like him. A game. I work with a guy just like him. He's married with 2 kids, is openly unfaithful and has tried working his charm on one or two female colleagues, including myself. But I'm very happily married and told him to get stuffed. He would flirt like crazy and if I found myself alone with him he would come close and whisper quietly that he 'needed me'. No idea what for, but again i told him to do one. He has since stopped doing things like that now, but sees other women outside of the office. I think for men like that they see women more of a conquest.

[Helivesforme]

But you took more than a risk to your reputation. You risked your marriage too. Even engaging in this was a risk, regardless of whether he opened his mouth or not.

 

Why did you make that choice?

At that time, I wanted to escape because my DH was smothering me. So I didn’t see anything wrong with having a friend that I could talk to. I also used to work graveyard and out of touch with the real world. I stopped caring about how my DH felt because it was what allowed me to turn down my promotion. My DH told me it would take too much time away from the family. So I stepped down & resented him for it.

[Helivesforme]

That's exactly what it is to men like him. A game. I work with a guy just like him. He's married with 2 kids, is openly unfaithful and has tried working his charm on one or two female colleagues, including myself. But I'm very happily married and told him to get stuffed. He would flirt like crazy and if I found myself alone with him he would come close and whisper quietly that he 'needed me'. No idea what for, but again i told him to do one. He has since stopped doing things like that now, but sees other women outside of the office. I think for men like that they see women more of a conquest.

Yeah. It was me being naive wanting to believe there was someone out there that could relate to my life at the time. I felt stuck & sorry for myself. Time and time again I would turn down his components but it seemed like it made him want me more. He said I kept him on his toes and he tried so hard for so long but I deep down knew it wasn’t real because he mentioned a few times that he didn’t want to get caught and when I started wanting to spend more time with him & told him he wasn’t making more of an effort he laughed and said that we are both married and I needed to understand that. That he didn’t have time yet for us to see each other more. So I told him I didn’t appreciate him laughing in my ear over the phone. I told him yes I get it but people make time for people they care about. We aren’t on the same page. This is when I slowly stopped talking to him but he kept trying to persuade me over 6 months to start talking again.

[ExpatInItaly]

At that time, I wanted to escape because my DH was smothering me. So I didn’t see anything wrong with having a friend that I could talk to. I also used to work graveyard and out of touch with the real world. I stopped caring about how my DH felt because it was what allowed me to turn down my promotion. My DH told me it would take too much time away from the family. So I stepped down & resented him for it.

 

And where are you now in your feelings for your husband?

[Helivesforme]

My DH isn’t a very good listener and he tends to think that as his wife I should give him sex whenever he wants it. Sometimes he’s very over the top and says I belong to him. He’s quite possessive. I talked to him Year after year about how I’m not his property and that if I don’t feel like having sex I’m not going to anymore. He sees this as a major issue but this was the only way he would listen. He grabs me in front of our child and thinks it’s funny. Yes I get that sometimes he cannot control himself but it doesn’t make me feel desired it makes me feel like an object. Which I’ve expressed time and time again. He’s improved and we have come a long way we still have major disagreements on parenting but he mainly disapproves of me going out at all without him.

[Helivesforme]

And where are you now in your feelings for your husband?

Forgot to add your quote. Things are better some days but at times I want to call it quits. Then I look at my son. I don’t want him to be going back & forth.. the grass isn’t greener.

[ExpatInItaly]

Forgot to add your quote. Things are better some days but at times I want to call it quits. Then I look at my son. I don’t want him to be going back & forth.. the grass isn’t greener.

 

Fair enough.

 

But are you going to be able to fully commit to your marriage for the rest of your life, as it stands? You are not there right now, not yet.

 

What do you feel will happen if you husband finds out about this? Or if you get caught up again in another affair in the future?

[Helivesforme]

Forgot to add your quote. Things are better some days but at times I want to call it quits. Then I look at my son. I don’t want him to be going back & forth.. the grass isn’t greener.

Please read my previous post just before your last response. Yes I learned my lesson. The only thing is ignoring that fool at work. He’s already shown me his true colors. I used to feel bad and guilty about not talking to him. I used to reach out because he looked sad or like something was bothering him and as a friend, I thought I could lend an ear. It’s clear not that he just wants someone to fool around with on the dude when he’s bored or when his wife makes him angry. I am still surprised at what he endured to try to bed me. The calls and texts .. even driving home to his wife from a graduation, going to the store during his sons birthday party. While he was on vacation. When he left for vacation & immediately when he returned. Seemed like he tried to see me when we were able to cross paths while he was at work. I told him it was always in his terms & at his convenience. Now I’m disgusted when I see him.