notthatintome Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 I have been seeing this guy for a while. It has been a bit up and down but settled into a nice routine and although I knew it wouldn't last forever, I was happy how it was going for now. We had a good weekend although i noticed he kept putting me down but this is how he is and is quite insecure himself. We went out last night and I thought things were going ok. Today he was in a mood after work. He was going to meet me for a run but just as he was about to meet me, he rang in a mood and said I was too far away and that he was going home. I challenged him about this and he replied that we are not good together and that he isn't feeling it. This came out of nowhere and completely shocked. One minute we were running and the next minute we were splitting up! I just told him to go and to leave me alone. He then blocked me and then blocked me on all his social media. I'm just taken aback and not sure what the hell just happened? Can someone explain this crazy behaviour to me? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2019 Share Posted June 16, 2019 You said he's insecure. That may explain some of this. If he thinks he's not good enough for you, that could make him want to break up. Link to post Share on other sites
boytrouble Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 Or he can have a "sour taste" because of bad dating experience in the past. The part where you are talking about him 'putting you down' for me at least comes out as him trying to be on the dominate side of the relationship which in general is where you want him to be but in a 'loving' not controlling/abusive/aggressive manner to which I kind of get a vibe out your post. Also dating a guy with constant "mood swings" doesn't sound promising at all. For me, your best option will be to let him be and find someone to appreciate you and actually make you think about a future together. Whatever his problem is it isn't yours to fix! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 I don't know what his problems are but he certainly did you a favor by ending it. Do you want to be with an emotionally unstable man? That is what he is and you would have been constantly second guessing yourself. Be glad he's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 although I knew it wouldn't last forever I guess you were right. It doesn't seem like crazy behaviour to me at all. In fact it seems you were feeling similar. He simply decided to pull the plug before you expected. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notthatintome Posted June 17, 2019 Author Share Posted June 17, 2019 Thank you for your responses. I am still a little shocked and baffled about the sudden change of heart, it really did come out of nowhere. The day before he was talking about marriage or a future together. And to block me too, it all seemed a bit harsh, where we could have just agreed to end it. I am more than happy to let go and move on. I actually feel a bit happier today than i have for a while. I think the whole thing was so draining, especially the constant put downs and knowing i was in something that was fruitless. I think he has issues and I really don't want to be the person who 'fixes' him. I never did. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Heh - one possible explanation is that he has a personality disorder or PD tendencies. NOT SAYING THAT IS THE CASE, esp. from just the info in your post, but sometime people like that suddenly turn on others and go hot/cold like that. Anyhow, agreeing that it's better to end it with this guy. Try to stay strong if he starts trying to reel you back in. Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Thank you for your responses. I am still a little shocked and baffled about the sudden change of heart, it really did come out of nowhere. The day before he was talking about marriage or a future together. And to block me too, it all seemed a bit harsh, where we could have just agreed to end it. I am more than happy to let go and move on. I actually feel a bit happier today than i have for a while. I think the whole thing was so draining, especially the constant put downs and knowing i was in something that was fruitless. I think he has issues and I really don't want to be the person who 'fixes' him. I never did. THIS...THIS...THIS It doesn't really matter why he did what he did (although I would guess he's insecure - why else would he put you down?!?), what matters is what you're going to do about it. This is something I still struggle with - we can't control what other people do, only our reactions to it. I think you've handled this very well so far, but I would not be at all surprised if he comes sniffing back around after the dust has settled. He reminds me a little of a man I dated years ago. He had insecurity issues and eventually addiction issues. The first time he started treating me badly (putting me down, not wanting to be around me, etc) I could not imagine what I had done to drive him away. It was so upsetting. This went on until we had a horrible blow up and broke up. After a week he was back, feeling so awful about how he had acted. That started a very emotionally draining back and forth that went on for years. Later, I found out that when he started treating me badly had coincided with him becoming interested in another woman. Food for thought... At any rate, thank your lucky stars this jerk has decided to extract himself from your life. I have no doubt you haven't heard the last of him, so stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 knowing i was in something that was fruitless I hope you can learn from this experience. When you know you're in something fruitless, don't drag it out any longer than necessary. Better to cut your losses sooner if you know it's not going anywhere long-term. Seems likely to me, that this is exactly what he did? He knew it wasn't going anywhere despite trying his hardest, so he cut it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notthatintome Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 Thank you again for your responses. I think its a mix of everything you have said. He is emotionally unavailable, unstable, and it wouldn't surprise me if he was in contact with another woman. I met him at a vulnerable point in my life and it was nice to have someone around. I am pleased he is gone and no strength will be needed if he ever decides to come back. I am done. I actually feel better since we split and have learned that if someone doesn't love you for who you are and cannot see your value, they are not worth your time. It's too painful to be with someone who is half hearted about you and puts you down constantly. Not painful in the sense that it was one sided as it certainly wasn't but painful because it compromised my self esteem and self worth. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever meet a genuine and lovely guy who isn't emotionally unstable or narcissistic. I hope so... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author notthatintome Posted June 28, 2019 Author Share Posted June 28, 2019 Eleven days after this guy went AWOL, he messaged me yesterday apologising. I agreed to meet him and we discussed what happened. He bought me a present worth 150 pounds as a token gesture. We spoke about what happened and he said he was feeling down and just needed to be on him own. I kindly thanked him for the present but made it very clear that nothing further would happen and if he wanted to take the present back, he could. I told him we could still be friends and there were no hard feelings. I think he just wanted to come back because he was feeling lonely and I personally think he just wanted sex as perhaps he was unsuccessful getting it elsewhere. I told him no chance. Not ever. And that felt good. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 I am pleased he is gone and no strength will be needed if he ever decides to come back. I am done. I actually feel better since we split and have learned that if someone doesn't love you for who you are and cannot see your value, they are not worth your time. It's too painful to be with someone who is half hearted about you and puts you down constantly. Not painful in the sense that it was one sided as it certainly wasn't but painful because it compromised my self esteem and self worth. These are wise words that I needed to hear today. I think I am going to print it out and read it to myself daily to affirm why I need to stay away from my ex. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Good for you for not taking him back. It will be a recurring cycle if you continue with him. Stay strong. I am sure a good guy will come along. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 Eleven days after this guy went AWOL, he messaged me yesterday apologising. I agreed to meet him and we discussed what happened. He bought me a present worth 150 pounds as a token gesture. We spoke about what happened and he said he was feeling down and just needed to be on him own. I kindly thanked him for the present but made it very clear that nothing further would happen and if he wanted to take the present back, he could. I told him we could still be friends and there were no hard feelings. I think he just wanted to come back because he was feeling lonely and I personally think he just wanted sex as perhaps he was unsuccessful getting it elsewhere. I told him no chance. Not ever. And that felt good. Good on you! You didn't do anything to deserve that treatment and more then likely he will do that again if you take him back. There is no excuse for treating someone so poorly. Usually they come back after mistreating because they want something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notthatintome Posted June 30, 2019 Author Share Posted June 30, 2019 Thank you for you replies. I think when you are finally ok with being alone and that you are not willing to accept poor behaviour then it is very easy to spot and very difficult to tolerate. This guy was definitely one of a kind but not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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