Why can’t I stop thinking of you?

[Sa69]

Why do I torture myself thinking of you trying to keep the memory of you alive, of us. “Us”Something that was so natural seems so taboo now. How did we get here, how did you just disappear after talking and loving constantly for 4 years? Why does my heart ache for you when I’m with somebody new somebody better than you.

Why do I think of you? You with her. You with me with me while you were with her. Did you try to end before beginning anew? Did I not let you? You said you were lab partners? Or were you life partners? Did you have dreams like i did? Force yourself back to sleep so I could see you again? So many unanswered questions

When did you fall out of love with me? Why did you end 4 years with less than 4 messages? No phone call, was it even you or was it her? Why was your family confused when I came to visit you last? Did they all know something I didn’t? What did you think when you saw me last at my interview where you worked? Did your heart sink to your stomach like mine? Did you tell her? You must have thought i did it on purpose, to follow you, tempting thought really but that’s not me. If only you knew I got the job and turned it down for a better offer. Why cant i get you out of my head. Only time I can stop thinking of you is when I’m with him and sometimes it’s not enough. Scared of losing the memory of you scared of never forgetting you. A fool I must have been thinking you would follow me after getting independence and moving so we would finally be together.