Should shy people just give up on trying to date?

[JuneL]

I think you are exactly right actually! I do see this trend in my past and apparently it’s still happening. I don’t know why I do this. I don’t mean to come off that way.

 

Allowing yourself to meet more guys and “diversify” a bit in the initial stage can help alleviate part if the issue.

[Eternal Sunshine]

When things get awkward, try saying something like "I am a bit shy around new people, but it gets better I promise" *flirty smile*

Admitting that can be an ice-breaker.

[d0nnivain]

I do see this trend in my past and apparently it’s still happening. I don’t know why I do this. I don’t mean to come off that way.

 

I'm going to spell this wrong but try adopting q'est cera, cera . . . whatever will be will be . . . as your dating motto. Go into looking to have fun on that actual date, nothing more. Do that for the 1st few dates, with no expectations. It's helps to be less invested; this person is new in your life & not yet all that significant.

[alphamale]

When things get awkward, try saying something like "I am a bit shy around new people, but it gets better I promise" *flirty smile*. Admitting that can be an ice-breaker.

 

ES would you say this to every Tom, Dick & Harry? or just the ones you like?

[Cora]

I just already feel like taking another break from the online dating. I’ve done nothing but block guys on the dating site. The things they say I would NEVER say to any stranger face to face. Then you have the ones who put on the charm...reel you in and then ask you for money. I’m tired of weeding through the same old guys.

 

Then the guy I met up with....the one who told me he doesn’t see us as a match because I’m too shy. Even though we talked through it and agreed to be friends, I have taken a step back because he does not view me as a romantic prospect and I know from experience this kind of thing doesn’t end well because someone always ends up getting hurt and that person will most likely be me. But he texts me tonight asking if he scared me off with our convo last night because he hadn’t heard from me all day? I don’t know what he wants? And everytime I bring up how he said we aren’t a match he says “you took that the wrong way and I never meant I didn’t want to be around you.” Well how was I supposed to take it?

[guest569]

Today he texts me saying he doesn’t think we are the best match because while we have great conversations over text, I’m a totally different person face to face. He said he feels I’m too nervous and closed off around him and that I was struggling to keep eye contact let alone talk to him. He said he likes someone who can engage in conversation.

 

I don't know how else you should take it, either.

 

'We're not the best match because YOU are nervous and YOU are closed off and YOU can't engage in conversation even though we have just met - but I totes wanna be friends with you'

 

I really think the guy is a douche and don't see why you would bother with friendship.

 

You shouldn't have to explain away your shyness or anxiety. There are lots of guys out there who understand and will be patient and help to make you feel more comfortable.

 

I am super awkward and shy on dates - I actually consider myself in between introverted and extroverted but holy crap it takes a while for me to become relaxed. The level of anxiety varies though, depending on my date's personality and manner.

 

Good luck with the job interview!!

[Eternal Sunshine]

ES would you say this to every Tom, Dick & Harry? or just the ones you like?

 

 

Just the ones I like. With the ones I don't, I sit in silence and let them talk. Then leave asap.

[chillii]

l was thinking about this because l remembered back when l was on a date site some girls explained on their page they were shy at first and things will take them awhile .

l thought that was fair enough and a good idea really.

Guys knows up front so if he doesn't like her enough right there to give a shy girl time then he won't bother contacting her.

[guest569]

This guy knew up front.

[JuneL]

Cora,

There’s no need to engage this guy further. When he asked why he hasn’t heard from you all day, you didn’t owe him an explanation. Just gently text him you prefer not to try to friends and block him.

[gaius]

When I was younger I was kind of like you, but I've put a whole lot of work over the years into analyzing my social interactions with people, figuring out what works and what doesn't, and improving a little bit after each time. I went from never wanting to go any place where there were people I didn't know to being able to walk into a room full of strangers and be somewhat charming.

 

And I'm glad I did, because when my wife came along I was ready for her. When our eyes met for the first time I knew I needed to make her my wife and I made it happen. If I hadn't come armed with the skills I developed I probably would have failed and missed out on the greatest pleasure of my life. Just spooning with her at night is better than all the Chinese buffets, Superbowl/world series victories, and Bin Laden getting killed combined. Don't give up, work at it!

[alphamale]

When I was younger I was kind of like you, but I've put a whole lot of work over the years into analyzing my social interactions with people, figuring out what works and what doesn't, and improving a little bit after each time. I went from never wanting to go any place where there were people I didn't know to being able to walk into a room full of strangers and be somewhat charming.

 

And I'm glad I did, because when my wife came along I was ready for her. When our eyes met for the first time I knew I needed to make her my wife and I made it happen. If I hadn't come armed with the skills I developed I probably would have failed and missed out on the greatest pleasure of my life. Just spooning with her at night is better than all the Chinese buffets, Superbowl/world series victories, and Bin Laden getting killed combined. Don't give up, work at it!

heartwarming story gaius