imstillturningout Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Is it okay to "break up" with a guy I've been on five dates with over text if our relationship is mostly physical? He's a cool guy, but we never really clicked. I'd say our dates have been 20% talking, 20% watching a movie or game, and 60% fooling around. I'm a virgin, and he is gently coaxing me into having sex with him. He's not pushing me, but I think we both know we've been seeing each other just to hook up. I've been out of state a few days and won't be back for a week, and he's asking when he can see me again. I don't want to raise his hopes, so I'm wondering if I should let him know over text that I don't think we should keep seeing each other. Is that cruel? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Personally, I think face to face is always the mature thing to do, but that's just me. That being said, if you're not exclusive and it's only been about 5 dates that hinges primarily on something physical without any real deep connection, then you might be able to get away with ending things via text. I wouldn't recommend it, but it doesn't look like either of you have invested enough time, energy or emotion into it so... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I think that the polite thing to do is face to face but I have read on here that some people prefer a break up text so then they don't have to worry about saving face & not reacting in the face of rejection. I'd rather you broke up via text then ghost the guy. At least he'll know it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imstillturningout Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 Thanks for the responses. Follow up questions then... 1) How do I text this guy like everything’s normal for a week if I’m planning to break up with him when I get back? 2) How do I set up a break-up without making it seem like it’s going to be a date? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Why wait? That's playing games. Just say I have been thinking about things. I don't want to string you along but I don't think we're compatible. It's not a good idea for us to see each other again Sorry. then leave it at that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imstillturningout Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 Sorry, a little confused. It’s more polite to do it face to face, but if I wait to do that, I’m stringing him along... so it IS better to do it over text? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 The relationship you described doesn't warrant a face to face breakup IMO. You're not his GF, and you said it's mostly about hooking up. I don't see any problem with texting here. Next time he texts you, just say that you feel like you aren't on the same page, wish him the best, but you don't want to continue. I guess you could call him if you want to, but that seems like a bit much if this is mostly about hooking up. It seems a little silly to call and announce that you don't want to hook up anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 It is more polite to do it face to face which may re quire waiting. It's really up to you. How long will you be gone? the sooner you will be back, the less egregious waiting is. But if you are traveling for more then a few days put the guy out of his misery 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 This is not a declared relationship of any kind. There's nothing to break up from. A text is fine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imstillturningout Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 I won’t be back for a week. It looks like the general consensus is text. Guess I’ll go for it. Thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 after 5 dates you don't owe him squat. just blow him off without any explanation (i.e. NC) Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 If you don't want to raise his hopes, just send him a short text telling him you just don't feel it will work. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 As a guy, I'd much prefer a text vs. face-to-face. It's only been 5 "dates." I would wonder what the point of meeting up was if you only did it to tell me that in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Five dates...I would call if it were more serious and you were talking a lot and knew each other better. But it sounds like a pseudo-booty call so a text is fine. Just tell him you want to retain your virginity and you feel that the relationship is all physical and eventually you worry you will give in. Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Definitely, do it by text. I'd also hate to meet someone face to face only to be dumped when it's just been a few dates. You two haven't even been intimate yet so just keep it short and simple. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRising2018 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Is it okay to "break up" with a guy I've been on five dates with over text if our relationship is mostly physical? He's a cool guy, but we never really clicked. I'd say our dates have been 20% talking, 20% watching a movie or game, and 60% fooling around. I'm a virgin, and he is gently coaxing me into having sex with him. He's not pushing me, but I think we both know we've been seeing each other just to hook up. I've been out of state a few days and won't be back for a week, and he's asking when he can see me again. I don't want to raise his hopes, so I'm wondering if I should let him know over text that I don't think we should keep seeing each other. Is that cruel? I believe face to face is best in any breakup situation. It puts closure on the relationship. I've been dumped by text twice and the last one was by phone call just hours after he said he misses me. The texts ones didn't hurt as much as it was sort of mutual in not wanting to go forward but it still would have been nice to have a face to face discussion. The last breakup was by phone call to me and it hurt...badly. I felt that he was taking the easy way out by not facing me as we had dated for almost a year exclusively. We always had good communication face to face and never had an argument so when he called and said we have to talk it hurt, mainly because he was adamant in the beginning all serious conversations should be done in person. So I felt lied to. Long story short a face to face conversation in a neutral location helps both parties talk and put a closure on the relationship. The two relationships, one marriage and one a 5 year fiance, that I had that were face to face didn't leave me feeling totally hurt as it was more of a closure for both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Phoenix, she's been on 5, yes only 5 dates with this guy. You're talking about long term committed relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 I don't see why not. Much is made of doing things in person but personally if someone is about to hurt me (dump me) I would rather read it in private and not have to face them at the same time. It does not sound like you head a great emotional/intellectual connection with this guy. Like you say, it sounds mostly physical. He might be disappointed at the loss of his hopes about sex but that happens sometimes. If you want to break up with him, then you should. No point keep seeing him if the feelings aren't there. Link to post Share on other sites
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