pepperbird Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 I’m not taking sides, but wanted to just point out that it is almost just as difficult for MM As well. I'm not sure if you're expecting sympathy for him. if so, I can't understand why. To me, someone who does this deserves about as much sympathy as drunk diver who kills a family. He ( or she) may feel absolutely terrible and have a huge emotional burden to carry for the rest of his life. Does that change anything? Who is responsible? Sure, they may have a tough life and are drinking to drown their sorrows, but at some point, it comes down to personal responsibility. They had a choice. They could have left their keys at home, walked to the pub, bought a bottle at the NSLC and had a few drinks at home so they wouldn't have to drive, they could have had a friend drive them home, they could have spent the money on therapy instead of alcohol, they could have actually done something to address the problem that was making life tough for them...yet they chose to drink and drive. ( compare to wayward spouse married man. woman- they have choices. they may be in an unhappy marriage and they chose to have an affair. I said chose because unless their body is somehow capable of independent action, their brain comes in somewhere. They didn't instantly fall in so much in love they had no self control...they allowed that to happen through a series of choices. Now the bs? they compare to the accident victim. They had no say in the drunk driver's behvaior, yet they paid the highest price for his choices. The ow int his case sounds like she fell for someone with some serious personality issues. Some people are like that...human wrecking balls. She;s both lucky and smart to be rid of him, and she now is also paying a heavy price for his issues. She's also struggling. Meanwhile, he gets to walk away relatively unscathed into the arms of the next woman who is kind enough and empathetic enough to fall for his crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExhaustedOW Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 i broke NC. he's been calling and texting nonstop.asking why i won't reply. i finally, spontaneously answered the phone. as always, he was calm. cool. level. apologized for screwing up. said he handled the entire situation badly. he'd had agreed to move his family out of the house that had just foreclosed. (i can see on the court docket it was a last week sheriffs order). said he had been immature. that what he ought to have done was to say he would be delayed an hour. said it was cruel what he did. he's embarrassed. it won't happen again... i've heard it before, i said. told him that this relationship isn't working for me. i'm not happy. i'm moving on. he begged for another chance. i got a call and told him i had to go. he texted "i'm sorry i screwed up. i love you." thoughts please. ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExhaustedOW Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 (edited) The ow int his case sounds like she fell for someone with some serious personality issues. Some people are like that...human wrecking balls. She;s both lucky and smart to be rid of him, and she now is also paying a heavy price for his issues. She's also struggling. Meanwhile, he gets to walk away relatively unscathed into the arms of the next woman who is kind enough and empathetic enough to fall for his crap. such a thoughtful reply. and i agree w/ you 100%. i wrote a follow up post moments ago before seeing this. and it applies perfectly. i will not allow myself to be sucked back in. if it wasn't that we worked together, i'd have blocked already. took that call. heard what he had to say. but i'm not swayed. he can get a divorce & if i'm still interested then, whatever. i'm feeling stronger again & not going back to what i was in. Edited June 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote edited Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Has he suddenly proved himself to be different than you thought he was an hour ago? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExhaustedOW Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 (edited) hi heartwhole2. no. not at all. i'm just documenting this as it goes. i took the call. i heard. my opinion hasn't changed - but my opinion has always been he's a conflict avoider and can't deal with taking a position. whether that be working on his marriage or ending it and moving on w/ me or whomever. he's the same way in business. easy going. a pleaser. helpful to everyone. avoids any confrontations. he may be a sociopath. dark triad. empathy issues. all possible. my concern. my focus. is myself. what do i need to do to function w/ a clear head. have the ability to focus on my well being, my work, my house that i need to run (single, but have responsibilities, bills, a large home that needs upkeep...). this rollercoaster of a relationship has taken a toll on my ability to focus on what is important to me. my life. like so many OW, my focus has been entirely too much on the MM drama show. if i continue to feel stronger and don't feel (at least immediately) forced out of my job, that's a win. i have 2 weeks vacation coming to me. personal days. sick days. i want to be measured and do what's smart for myself. i took that call. doesn't mean i'm sucked back in. it's day to day though. and that is why i'm here. i need the support of those that can see all of the clearly. from the outside. Edited June 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 i want to be measured and do what's smart for myself. i took that call. doesn't mean i'm sucked back in. Good choice IMO. It won't be easy, esp. with him pestering you and re-triggering you, but it's doable. Keep at it. Link to post Share on other sites
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