Destiny Couple Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Hi all, I'd like some feedback please on whether you have tried some form of counselling and if you would before you decided to separate or divorce? If you did decide to try some form of counselling, would you consider doing it via webcam, i.e Skype? What would be the pros and cons of going it via a webcam? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 What would be the pros and cons of going it via a webcam? there would be many cons and very few pros in this situation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I guess it depends on the setup. As long as the counselor can read body language. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Destiny Couple Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 there would be many cons and very few pros in this situation Great! What kind of cons could you see? What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Destiny Couple Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 I guess it depends on the setup. As long as the counselor can read body language. The set up would be a webcam in the view so that both partners are in view, but how much of their body is showing is the question. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 We did marriage counseling a couple times, early on into the marriage and just before we divorced. And no I wouldn’t Skype counseling. Talk about your impersonal experiences. Why not just do it in a group text? lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Destiny Couple Posted June 19, 2019 Author Share Posted June 19, 2019 We did marriage counseling a couple times, early on into the marriage and just before we divorced. And no I wouldn’t Skype counseling. Talk about your impersonal experiences. Why not just do it in a group text? lol Hhmm...may I ask why you wouldn't do Skype counselling? What do see are the issues there? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 It’s about as personal as ordering food at a McDonald’s drive through. Not exactly someone I’d want to share my most intimate thoughts with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Great! What kind of cons could you see? What do you think? counceling is pretty expensive so doing it over webcam would be wasting your money and time. you both also need to see each others body language. your body language tells just as much as your mouth does. you cannot fake body language. just showing up for an appointment at the doctors office isn't easy and takes time and effort and shows that you are serious about getting help... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 (edited) that sounds weird to me.....wouldnt ever do it...i think counselling is also about making a concerted effort....in a neutral environment...away from home and private devoid of interruptions or phones ringing...or dogs throwing up on your carpet to distract the main aim..which is to unite in a therapeutic experience together....but thats me i wouldnt contemplate it..skype counselling...huh....strange .... who thunk that up..i have done counselling....many times...and when my partner didnt agree to go ...i went alone.....well with my fifty other personalities who shrinks dont believe exist.......;0)..kidding i dont have fifty maybe about ten..and shrinks arent always right .....deb Edited June 19, 2019 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Had a bit over a year of it with a professional psychologist before deciding to divorce; IMO saved about a magnitude over cost in legal fees and, for myself, my mental health. Well worth it IMO. I'd do it in person with a pro. There's no substitute for everyone being in the same room. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I could see a niche for web-cam based counseling where in-person counselors are not available, such as rural Alaska or incarcerated individuals (if they were allowed web access). I've been to counseling several times in my life and I love it. I'd go every week if I had the time and money. Well, maybe every month. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 We went every week and I drove about 50 miles roundtrip each time. Eventual ExW lived in town so was closer. A good therapist gets a lot of information from body language, gestures, voice tones and reactions that might not come across in electronic conferencing. The main pros were many, many opportunities to reconcile the M, saving tens of thousands in legal fees, and learning relationship tools The main con was cost in time and money, with perhaps feeling like a failure seeking outside help a distant second. I paid for all the sessions. If the OP and spouse are generally amicable and pretty settled on getting divorced, I'd go straight to mediation or whatever it's called in their country. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I'm afraid for me video counseling would be like webcam sex - a pretty pale and unsatisfying impression of the real thing. Did MC in an effort to recover from my first wife's affair and it was very valuable - her lack of effort in therapy helped me understand her approach to reconciliation would be similarly minimal. We divorced shortly thereafter... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Destiny Couple Posted June 19, 2019 Author Share Posted June 19, 2019 I know it is hard but if there was the option, we are so far away from any decent options in person. But, has anyone ever heard of or tried any webcam based counselling? If you have what were your experiences? We don't want to do the wrong thing here so want to hear some other angle on the subject. Sounds like a few people here are commenting on something they have never tried. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I would do counseling because I believe in the vows I took: 'til death do us part; in sickness & in health, in good times & the bad. You need to put in effort to make a marriage work. DH & I actually did a communications weekend early on in our marriage. If web / Skype was the only option available it's better then nothing. Personally I don't think anything beats face to face but sometimes you have to make do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I've used teleconferencing for many remote purposes. It's fine for business where facts are being discussed. IME, It's lousy for dating, mediocre for relationships but preferable to nothing. I wouldn't consider attempting to recover a marriage via teleconference and that presumes both spouses are in one location and the counselor in another. If a divorce occurs, meeting with lawyers will be in person and standing in front of a judge will be in person. We did all that. Gotta do it in person. One compromise could be interviewing with a counselor who offers teleconferencing in person. Often interviews are complimentary. If the interview goes well, then teleconferencing can be attempted. Unless one lives far disconnected from the big cities in New Zealand, there are hundreds of counselors within driving range. If considering such a solution, would both spouses be in the same room physically interacting with each other? IOW, not a three-way with all parties in discrete locations? If you're primarily or only interested in teleconferencing, request the thread title be changed. Plenty of members here have used marital counseling. None in my experience ever mentioned teleconferencing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Hhmm...may I ask why you wouldn't do Skype counselling? What do see are the issues there? It depends on the situation. I have been with my therapist for about 4 years through my marital discord. Last fall, she moved out of state. We decided to keep having appointments via FaceTime. She knows me enough to be able to read my tone, etc., but I don't think I would recommend it with a new therapist unless that was your only option. Really, when you think about it, here we are, seeking advice from strangers via the internet. At least with a therapist through Skype, you know you are dealing with a professional who will get to know your whole story and actually be able to give you sound, professional advice. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I know it is hard but if there was the option, we are so far away from any decent options in person. But, has anyone ever heard of or tried any webcam based counselling? If you have what were your experiences? We don't want to do the wrong thing here so want to hear some other angle on the subject. Sounds like a few people here are commenting on something they have never tried. If you are far from any options in person, I would definitely give counseling via Skype a try, especially if it means possibly saving your marriage (or your sanity!) Like I said previously, in my case, I've known my therapist for over 4 years, so it was not a difficult transition from in person to Facetime. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 At least with a therapist through Skype, you know you are dealing with a professional who will get to know your whole story and actually be able to give you sound, professional advice. some of these so-called "therapists" would probably welcome video chats...it would help hide their incompetence Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I know this is tangential to the topic, but - suggest you go with someone with a lot of experience who genuinely specializes in the area (e.g. marriage/couples or whatever the more specific issue is). Some of these folks have 1 year experience and 20+ "specialties" - lacks credibility IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 some of these so-called "therapists" would probably welcome video chats...it would help hide their incompetence True. This is why I have seen SO many different therapists while trying to save my marriage(s.) I can count on one hand how many have been effective (On occasion, I’ve gotten better advice out here.) As consumers, we need to evaluate their abilities and whether they correlate to our needs. There is that saying that I love - what do you call someone who graduates at the very bottom of their class at medical school? “Doctor.” 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I may have contradicted myself in my previous two posts. Hmm. Could it be all those professional opinions I’ve sought over the years? I’ll just leave that right there. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 I think everyone should do therapy at least once in their life. As for going to marriage counselling, absolutely. I believe you owe it to your marriage, especially if you have children, to do whatever you can to see if you can make it work (abuse withstanding of course). The only "problem" with it is that both partners need to want it and actually do the work that's required which starts AFTER you leave the office. If not, you might as well light your money on fire right now. Webcam counselling? Sure. Although it may not be MY personal preference, webcam appointments in the in the medical field are becoming quite the norm so might as well as get used to it. I think webcam counselling is better than no counselling at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Sounds like a few people here are commenting on something they have never tried. Here was your question: What would be the pros and cons of going it via a webcam? You've gotten some good feedback. If you asked "What would be the pros and cons of divorce", you'll get responses from folks who haven't dissolved their marriages. Use what you need, ignore the rest ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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