BaileyB Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 It’s all in how you chose to define “success” and “failure.” And yes, you get to chose the definition. That is how I would chose think about it. But, that’s just me... Wish you all best Brenna. Keep posting, you have friends and support here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrennaR Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 We had about two or three blow up fights/ break ups since my last post and after reading some other advice here I bought the book “Why Does He Do That”. I started reading it and the author kept mentioning talking to the man’s exes. So I had a sense to reach out to his last ex. She has basically been guiding me the last few days how to leave him, and I should be out by Saturday the latest. We are effectively “broken up” sleeping in different rooms, so he is expecting this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Good for you. Stay safe. The most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she leaves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 So I had a sense to reach out to his last ex. Going to guess she's an ex for some pretty valid and compelling reasons. Good luck with your transition... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrennaR Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 Speaking with her confirmed all my suspicions about my ex (yup, I actually managed to leave today and didn't wait until Saturday, I took all my clothes and stuff and left the place and left the keys inside and I have no reason to go back there). She described the exact same experiences and had so much insight that I couldn't ignore it. I was close to the point of a breakup, but I didn't feel the urgency, and she said that I was unsafe, and should leave today. So I did. Some things in his behavior I had attributed to myself, as I was causing them and she confirmed the exact same behaviors. I saw him in a different light and my feelings for him really changed. As in I actually don't have a boyfriend, or he is not who he is. It's all new and I am sure I will miss him, but I will look at this thread, when I waiver. You all helped me. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Just seeing this thread. Good news you left!!! Good for YOU! I experienced what you described for 27 years when I was with my ex husband. It’s a “special kindof abuse”... be glad you got out! Never make excuses for others bad behavior - and never stay when it compromises your happiness/principles. IF my exH newer wife came to me I’m sure her complaints would be the same disrespectful things I experienced. My kids say they argue a LOT... I don’t need to wonder why. It’s good you left. Block him. He’s bound to try and manipulate you back - every abuser needs a victim - you WERE perfect because you blamed yourself for HIS bad bahavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 I was close to the point of a breakup, but I didn't feel the urgency, and she said that I was unsafe, and should leave today. So I did. Good for you! May I suggest that you continue to learn more about abusive relationships, do more reading or see a counsellor for a few visits. Something allowed you to get with and stay with this man despite the fact that your gut was saying otherwise... I’m sure you’ve learned quite a bit from this experience, it’s always good to learn about yourself because you don’t want to repeat this mistake such that it becomes a pattern of abusive men. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrennaR Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 Just seeing this thread. Good news you left!!! Good for YOU! I experienced what you described for 27 years when I was with my ex husband. It’s a “special kindof abuse”... be glad you got out! Never make excuses for others bad behavior - and never stay when it compromises your happiness/principles. IF my exH newer wife came to me I’m sure her complaints would be the same disrespectful things I experienced. My kids say they argue a LOT... I don’t need to wonder why. It’s good you left. Block him. He’s bound to try and manipulate you back - every abuser needs a victim - you WERE perfect because you blamed yourself for HIS bad bahavior. Thank you for your message and I am so happy you are not in this situation any more. It really can destroy one's confidence. I agree with you and I know he might re-surface. We have broken up before and have had blown out fights that were just as devastating as breakups. Thankfully his ex girlfriend a kind soul has extended her wisdom to me and is going to check in with me periodically. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrennaR Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 Good for you! May I suggest that you continue to learn more about abusive relationships, do more reading or see a counsellor for a few visits. Something allowed you to get with and stay with this man despite the fact that your gut was saying otherwise... I’m sure you’ve learned quite a bit from this experience, it’s always good to learn about yourself because you don’t want to repeat this mistake such that it becomes a pattern of abusive men. Best wishes. Thank you for your message, these are very wise and kind words. I had been in therapy before and I had made big strides, but somehow the last couple years and about a year before I met my ex, I slipped into a kind of functional depression and I didn't see my way out. And that's when I met him. I need to do a lot of maintenance to remain happy and engaged and I slipped up. I am feeling much better and happier already, but I do get lonely in the evenings and my mind starts to bend. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Did you block him in every area so he can’t contact you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrennaR Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 Did you block him in every area so he can’t contact you? I did not until I saw your message. I have now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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