nicegirl2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Hi.. this is my first post.. I have been reading post and I thought I would ask for some advice... I have been dating this guy for 4 months now... we get along great... about 2 months ago.. he told my friend to encourage me to date other guys.... and about a month ago he told me that he did want to date other women... that he wasn't ready for the "white pickett fence".. *well I'm not either*... anyways.. he says he still wants to hang out with me... we see each other about 3 times a week..or spend time together actually... we talk everyday on the phone. He is very good to me... its not all about sex.. .I don't think... he takes me out to dinner...and all.... I have feelings for him... but don't want him to know it. I say to myself.. just one day at a time, but lately.. I have this fear.. that spending time with him is going to end all at once. I don't feel as if he has went out with anybody.. but I do know his profile is on internet personals...(*and i'm ok with it). I feel a little confused and scared..... what should I do in this situation??? Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 some people date 1 person at a time(thats me) i havent dated in over 4 years just getting out of a "situation ". seeing other people is good for someone to do when they are getting out of a bad relationship ,not looking for anything serious,etc. i have a friend who is not totally over her X & shes dating 3 or 4 guys ,just hangs out ,mostly go to clubs ,dinner &movies. casual dating is just that, casual dating, you dont owe anything to the other person more than common respect and courtesy. so with him seeing other people there is the possibility that he is sleeping with other people. you talk mostly about his wants what about your wants/needs? Is this what you want ? If not move on,because with casual dating there is the possibilty that he may meet "the one"&drop you. and my personal feeling is that if he was really into you like you sound like you are into him (i may be wrong)then he wouldnt want to still shop around. and you say"I have feelings for him... but don't want him to know it"& you are not sure if hes dating others ,where is the communication? youve only been dating a couple of months & your feeling confused &scared. you really need to talk to him & let him know how you feel , and if your ok with him dating around then keep seeing him & i would advise you to see others so your not so focused on him . goodluck & hope thing go ur way:D Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 You aren't a bartender, by chance are you? (just kidding - your story is the uncannily coincidental flip side of some other guy's post basically and I was making a reference to his thread) Your story is amazingly like someone else's - only the other one is the guy's point of view. The timing is incredibly uncanny, and maybe this guy can help you out in this situation. You see, his reasons for 'dating other people' and getting her to 'date other people' is a manipulative trick that masks his true feelings for her. I wonder if your guy is doing the same thing? Generally speaking, when someone says they want to date other people - it means they aren't interested enough to date only you. Unfortunately, there are people out there who can't simply be open and honest and play games with their hearts and with other people's hearts and resort to manipulation and trickery instead of just opening up honestly about how they feel. Read this post here - even the timeline and details are amazingly similar: Here is the thread. Maybe the guy in that post can help you out - perhaps you can comment on what he is doing (which is exactly what your guy is doing to you - right down to the suggestion that his girl see other people), and ask his opinion of your situation. I personally can't wait to see that. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 there are a few minor discrepancies between the two posts, but I agree that the timing and the stories suggests anything other than coincidence. I'm holding my breath.... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 I'm not sure if its the same, but I was surprised to see how similar the stories were. If nothing else, it will be interesting to see what comes of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicegirl2005 Posted September 26, 2005 Author Share Posted September 26, 2005 Hi.. well... dating one person is just me...I enjoy this relationship that I am having... I have talked to him and told him that I wasn't interested in dating anyone else... The only thing is just having this fear.... See, I don't want to give up... when things are so good.... except of knowing he said he wants to date other women... that makes me feel a little insecure. I want to continue seeing him.... him gettinig to know me..as well as me getting to know him. Guess... I will have to see... he does tell me by the way to stop worrying....hmmmm. Link to post Share on other sites
dcsmom97 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 nicegirl - I laughed when I read the last line of your post. I reminds me a little of my situation. The guy that I am seeing just got out of a LTR in 2/05. He said pretty soon after we'd met that he wasn't interested in rushing into a serious relationship. He said that he had several friends - nothing sexual (so he says, and so I'd like to believe )- that he goes out with every now and again. After a little confusion on my part - I have never been in a "slow" relationship - we decided that we were going to continue to see each other as "friends" and see what happens - no sex and limited physical contact (hugs). We talk almost everyday and see each other when we can - his job takes him in and out of town every week, we both have kids and we live about 45 minutes away from each other. Now getting to the point...even though he previously stated that he has other friends, I really don't think that he is going out with any of them. That's not to say that I'm confident about where our relationship is going, but that I think they just like the idea that they could date others if they really wanted to. Try not to worry and just let things progress naturally. As hard as it is, try to enjoy where you are, but be a bit guarded and reserved when it comes to your feelings. I am learning, too! Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicegirl2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Share Posted October 8, 2005 Hi....well ya'll I just wanted to update you----I'm still hanging in there.... Last weekend, he went to a party, he went alone... well on his way home from the "party"---he called... I was suprised...So, I am glad he did call, I didn't expect him to. We still continue to talk everyday on the phone... we went to dinner and a movie last night.... I haven't brought up my feelings for him... just still taking day by day... so whatcha think?? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 I don't think that thread is related to this girl's situation. This guy seems to want to be able date other women rather than date them. Your relationship is simply not (yet) exclusive. You are dating, but it hasn't become serious. i think you should pay more attention to how he behaves when he is around you. If he is affectionate and attentive, that's all you need to know. If he hasn't dated other women in four months then he is probably really into you. This independence game they are playing is sometimes annoying, but your patience will be rewarded if you manage to control your frustration regarding this thing. My BF and I were not exclusive in the first 3 months but we didn't date other people. I was scared that he would date other women but he told me that the point was "to be free to date others but to choose not to date them, because you don't feel like dating them." Men like to know that they have a choice. And that they have chosen you, not you him. Relax and don't give him a hard time about this, it will only make things worse. But you may bring the exclusivity idea from time to time and ask him to date exclusively. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 what should I do in this situation??? Date others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicegirl2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Author Share Posted October 9, 2005 Thanks.... I really enjoy the comments... no he hasn't dated anyone since we started dating.. and I haven't went out or been interested in anyone... its just that I am really into him... and yes, he is very affectionate..and caring...that is what confusing me...but you are right ---(Men like to know that they have a choice.)... I want him to feel like he has a choice... but you know that is scary as hell.... Thanks for all comments....and good luck to everyone in their relationships. nicegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicegirl2005 Posted October 27, 2005 Author Share Posted October 27, 2005 HI ... everyone... well.. it has been offically 5 months tomorrow....... lately his job has made him late on our dates and such..and I sooo understand that... well... he has to go out of town tomorrow.. (again).. but says he will be back tomorrow nite... well.. I actually want to see him when he comes into town.. I have invited him to my house when he returns...which will be late... and have mentioned to leave a key..lol.. so I will be here when he returns tomorrow nite.....(he's been out of town all weekend last week...and didn't return until Monday nite)...... anyways.... I have told him how I felt... that he is a wonderful person.. and tonight, tonight forward I wanted to get to know him a little better...and wanted to continue what we had going..that I have enjoyed everything.... so.. was that okay to say.... knowing that we work 2 different shifts... he works days and I work evenings... and on my nite off.. he has to attend out of town meetings... which has to deal w/ his job.... I understand that... its just that I miss him...so everyone.. I had to tell him... how I felt..and well, he didn't say anything.. but """"okay"""".... he did hug me though.... Well, I just wanted to update the situation..... I wonder if he knows .... that the longer we hang out and all... that if he decides to drop me... won't it hurt me even worse...??? .... Link to post Share on other sites
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